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Young Women's Pregnant Pause

22/5/2013

2 Comments

 
PictureImage: mujitra
If there are any typos or if this piece lacks in clarity you can blame me. I am trying to type my thoughts through the deafening sound of my fertility alarm bells. Hang on, I'm just going to blithely hit the snooze button. SHH BIOLOGY!

Of course 15 or so years from now I will be feeling quite the silly one. Not getting pregnant by boy or baster now, whilst my ovaries are bountiful, my uterus plush, life unstable and bank balance empty. Presenter and now official face of Regret-filled Older Mothers Kate Garraway knows this feeling all too well.

Garraway, 46, is fronting a campaign warning young ladies to do as she says, not as she does. Having given birth for the first time aged 38, the presenter says: "I do look back now and realise that leaving pregnancy late can be a risky bet as diminishing fertility can stack the odds against you. In some ways I wish I'd had my babies younger. Now I would love a third child but I've almost certainly left it too late. My fertility door is slamming shut...I want to alert women to start thinking about their fertility at a younger age than my generation did."

To alert and alarm the younger generation and create a healthy sense of 'EW' about older mothers Garraway was made up to look like a 70 year old in the later stages of pregnancy. Apparently the hope is to "shock and provoke debate about how old is too old to have a baby." Because I know we have never had this conversation before. Also I think there should be a campaign about the terrible shame of older brides. Can we see what China does to those'Leftover Women' please? Let's get that over here. Kate Garraway can use the same prosthetics for the campaign, but wear a BRIDAL VEIL.
The UK is at the top of its game in baby delaying (you can't stop them!), with UK women delaying having babies for longer than any other country according to the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development.  

It forces me to make an immediate decision that there is no point in me making now

First Response, the pregnancy test manufacturers launched the campaign on fertility with Kate Garraway found in a survey that two fifths of women aged 18-46 would prefer to sort out their finances before getting pregnant. A third said they would like to find the right partner before they allowed procreation to occur. The survey also found that seven in ten women think having a baby in your 40s is too old. However, although this question wasn't asked, I'd wager the same seven would think it sensible to wait until you can provide a roof over baby's head until you spawn.

What most annoys me about this subject, which can be private or not private - it's up to you - is that it makes all sides so aggressive. It makes me aggressive. It forces me to make an immediate decision that there is no point in me even making right now. I don't have a partner in any form, I don't know if I have the ability to conceive and I don't have the wherewithal to look after a child. On top of this I don't particularly like children. Well, that's not true. I like them when they become adults.

Therefore whenever the subject of young women giving birth (adoption or fostering doesn't seem to have come up in this campaign) I feel forced to shut the conversation down by announcing I'm not having children ever. When historian and curator Dr Lucy Worsley wrote: "I have been educated out of the natural reproductive function. I get to spend my time doing things I enjoy" she was accused of implying those who do have children lacked intellect.

Of course Worsley was simply refusing the label of Sad Barren Woman, pointing out she gets joy out of the freedom childlessness (and money and education) allows. This is seemingly a problem that is usually solved by saying women who (when pushed even though it's no-one's business) say they are childless by choice must be selfish. Rather than pragmatic, personally it is a big worry of mine I won't love any hypothetical children, by keeping them hypothetical I surely save myself and them a lot of resentment and therapy.

The idea women only regret not having children, or - as in Garraway's case - not having a brood of children to the point they wish they'd just got Jason from the petrol station down the road to take them behind the pumps that time is ridiculous. We are aware of diminishing fertility, it's all we ever hear about. How about concentrating on making every child a wanted child rather than every child a last grasp at societal norms?

Squeamish Kate
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2 Comments
Tracy Dodds
23/5/2013 06:55:28 am

My younger sister is 50, and hasn't had kids. She has never married (she lives with someone, though). When anyone her how come she's never had children, she just says "Ewww, God, no. I hate shitty, screaming kids. Yuk!". And then she smiles sweetly and brightly. She doesn't get asked too often any more.

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Squeamish Kate
30/5/2013 01:52:56 am

That is brilliant work by your sister there!

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