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We are not a Carebear

14/2/2012

10 Comments

 
Picture
You are not a carebear Image: Julie McLeod
It happened rather suddenly. I was a teenager, my best friend had moved schools and invited me to visit a new school friend of hers. We met, the three of us, we got along fine, I pretended to know what they were talking about until it was time to leave. That’s when it happened. This girl, this person I had met but hours ago leant in for a hug.

Ok, so it’s not the kind of thing that requires a trigger warning or anything. I don’t come from some sort of cold military style family. It isn’t that I’d never hugged or been hugged before but that was reserved for family and that’s nuclear family.

Plus, we were teenagers, isn’t that a time for shrouding our under/overdeveloped bodies in baggy band T-shirts and hunching? Puberty is cruel to all people in some manner, some people get teenage acne, some wake up and their nether regions have gone all Teen Wolf on them. Hugging interrupts hunching. 

Picture
Image: Stephanie Vee
This is just a phase, thought peculiarly self-aware teenage I. It’s a thing teenage girls must think is a ‘cool’ thing to do on the eve of the new millennium; we’re just at that awkward bony embrace stage.

But it wasn’t just a phase, it was a beginning. This was the answer to any air kiss conundrum. As a teenaged Brit in Belgium I unfairly had to navigate both hugging (oh we don’t, we don’t do that here? Or we do? You’re leaning in…) and air kissing. At our British school we favoured the single air kiss, no hug. Meet anyone at the more cosmopolitan European school and you could offend terribly with a single kiss (it’s more a diss) and up to 3 could be required.

Now it seems upon meeting someone a hug is necessary whatever the situation. Someone you have a mutual friend with, a work colleague, your dentist… upon leaving it seems you have to hug. 

Let’s be clear, it is not hugging I dislike. I realise cuddling is pleasant and something I will, now I am an adult, partake in. My immediate family and close friends who I don’t see often may receive hugs from me, this is because I am familiar with them.

With anyone else there is a terrible awkwardness making both parties wish they hadn’t bothered offering that gesture of affection or friendship. It just throws up panicked social questions. How long should I hug for? I’m quite short so I am often at breast height. Someone unfamiliar wraps me in their arms and what do I do? Certainly not snuggle into their ample bosom, that would be creepy. Stiffen all over and tilt my head and torso away? It comes across as a little cold but that’s what I usually go for.

Now I am older I have come up with a solution and, as it is Valentine’s Day, I am going to make a gesture (hah) and share it with you. If as you say your goodbyes it looks like you can’t move out of the line of hugging in time here’s what you do in 5 easy steps:

1. Hold up your hand (it can be left or right, whichever you prefer) palm facing outwards.

2.  Say the words, in this exact order, “High Five!”

3. If you have executed these actions correctly they will raise a corresponding hand and repeat     what you just said.

4. Bring your hand towards their hand. Once they have 'clapped' together you can move it away.

5. Agree with this person you are now ‘High Fivers’.

For special occasions, or if you’re just in a celebratory mood you MAY upgrade this to a High Ten. It’s pretty advanced though, save it for days such as today, birthdays, New Year and Christmas.

If you struggle with any other awkward social situations please don’t hesitate to write in or comment below and Squeamish Bikini can help you… 

Squeamish Kate

10 Comments
Becky
13/2/2012 08:09:03 pm

I'm not a hugger, in that I don't initiate hugs.But if the other person is a hugger, I'm happy to be hugged, and if not then not. I find a handshake more awkward in some ways as it just feels too formal for social occasions.

Reply
Squeamish Kate
13/2/2012 08:24:30 pm

See, the High Five is the ultimate compromise, it's quick, no one can say 'oh, they have a weak high five' and no boundaries are crossed!

Reply
Squeamish Louise link
13/2/2012 09:40:10 pm

"no one can say 'oh, they have a weak high five'"
- while this is true, I have managed to MISS when attempting high fives before. To be fair, I think I was drunk

Squeamish Kate
13/2/2012 09:58:32 pm

I have missed high fives... my sister and I used to practice a LOT, hence the step by step instructions.

James
13/2/2012 08:41:51 pm

I love hugging, I think it's a wonderful way to stay close and in touch with your fellow human in this otherwise cold life. I would understand if someone was uncomfortable with it, and hugging a stranger is a bit off, but I think the warmth and camaraderie that we gain from hugging one another is so important, and worth it even if it can be a bit awkward. High fives are so impersonal and tacky in comparison.

Reply
Squeamish Kate
13/2/2012 09:20:56 pm

I think someone needs a high ten

Reply
Squeamish Louise link
13/2/2012 10:17:22 pm

I’m a big fan of hugging, usually. But I’m also a bit socially awkward and when the other person obviously isn’t a hugger but I’ve misread and gone in for one I find it excruciating. So I think all non-huggers should follow Kate’s excellent advice, and save me future awkward hug extrications!

Reply
James
13/2/2012 10:20:41 pm

That said, if someone were to try and high five whilst the other person was coming in for a hug it may result in someone getting hit in the face.

Perhaps people who don't like hugs could wear arm-bands that indicate, and eventually be moved to living in certain areas of major cities.

Squeamish Kate link
13/2/2012 10:26:41 pm

No, I was very careful in my directions, you only move your high fiving hands when they have raised theirs, no accidental slapping. Only deliberate slapping could occur after which one might feign a misunderstanding.

Gareth
13/2/2012 10:34:10 pm

One of my friends at uni had lost a couple of fingers in a car crash and always made a point of offering High 3 and a bit!

He also had one of the best poker faces I've ever seen - it was hilarious to watch people offer him High 5's, notice his missing fingers and then furiously start backpeddling while he stared them down before he inevitably burst out laughing.

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