Harry Potter threw the next generation into the gaping jaws of the occult, Tinky-Winky made you all gay and Rastamouse has recently been conditioning children for a life of addiction. Today Peppa Pig is in the firing line. Up until today I knew this much about Peppa Pig; she is a pig. However it turns out Peppa Pig is a bad influence and children have been turning into little heckraisers left right and centre thanks to this swine.
Let’s describe the characters first, so we can all be familiar.
First of all there’s the patriarch, Daddy Pig. Daddy Pig has the kind of scraggly cartoon beard usually employed to indicate hard times and alcoholism. Here I think it’s just being used to demonstrate age and to cancel out the giant blue baby-grow Daddy Pig favours. Daddy Pig keeps his car messy, loses his glasses and allows his children to sit far too close to the TV. The entire family has to help Daddy Pig clean his car and find his glasses.
Mummy Pig is a total pris who refuses to get in the damn car until it is so clean she can see her face in it. Having said that she also appears to moonlight as a fire-fighter, which is a pretty impressive pastime for a working mum or dad, although Wikipedia tells me she works from home on her PC. Mummy Pig treats Daddy Pig like another child.
Peppa Pig, the trouble maker. I realise I am not the target audience but in solidarity with other adults who watch TV with their toddlers I endured some of the 5 minute episodes for a better understanding of Peppa Pig’s misdemeanours. According to Mumsnet and the Telegraph they are; jumping in puddles, talking in an annoying voice, disagreeing.
One mum wrote on Mumsnet “My daughter keeps saying 'No' and 'Yuk' in a really high and mighty way, just like Peppa does…Shall I ban Peppa Pig, or is that being totally unreasonable?" Peppa Pig does sometimes speak in a bit of a “high and mighty way”, I agree with you there Mumsnet, but she seems to use this only for Daddy Pig, who is frankly useless. There are probably worse toddler behavioural traits than being supercilious.
In fact the only bad behaviour I witnessed Peppa Pig engaging in was totally cheating in a game of hide and seek.
In fact it seems the real culprit here is Peppa’s younger brother. Under his influence children who previously happily consumed their vegetables are now demanding chocolate cake. Apparently this is what George Pig demands for breakfast every day.
Peppa Pig’s is a very complicated world in which animals have pets and can train to be a vet. The nursery school teacher, Madame Gazelle applies blue eye-shadow with both her hoof and great enthusiasm and everything is so hilarious children and adults frequently hurl their entire bodies backwards such is the force of their mirth. That toddlers were able to glean a THING from 5 minutes of this is baffling.
One suspects foul play here. We are all aware of Mumsnet’s powers of persuasion. This cartoon is so dull yet throws up many confusing questions (why are amphibians and birds reduced to pet status? How come there’s only one of each animal in the class?). The oinking at the end of every sentence is infuriating (alright! You’re pigs! Consider this established!) and don’t even get me started on the repetition.
No, this is a fix, Peppa Pig is nowhere near as delinquent as Kitty, Sooty or King Rollo Mumsnet are media savvy and calling other parents to band together and get dull Peppa Pig off the air and the ever amusing Sesame Street and muppets on. Kids of 2012, I hope you like puppets! And spelling!