Stomping in Heels

Image: Dave the Grey

Do you use social media? Hey have you seen this?! Men in heels marching for safe streets! In Toronto men have gathered together to oppose violence against women in Walk a Mile in her Shoes  Excellent, excellent, with this gesture some men have shown they really have the measure of being a lady! Sometimes (oh OK, all the time) I feel this is the same mentality that brings to the market pink tasers. Is this dismissive of me? I have written before about the importance of feminist intersectionality and inclusivity. So why do these gestures of support sit so badly with me? 

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In the Guardian Rahila Gupta also expressed a discomfort with this all male sponsored walk. “It's great that men are becoming sensitive to the power they exercise over women, and hold it in check. We should celebrate them showing their solidarity to women, fending off sexual assault and violence...” Gupta writes, but she can't shake the sense this gimmicky march slightly trivialises the problem of violence. Bromsgrove and Redditch have come up with a sister (brother?) campaign These hands are not for hurting “This re-focuses our attention on the origins of violence, rather than appearing to mock those whose shoes we are meant to be filling.”

It is hard to know how to critique these actions. I for one don't want to discourage men involving themselves in feminism. It's easy to unintentionally give the impression you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I certainly am of the school of feminism that invites men to identify as feminist (none of this pro-feminist male rubbish), which is why the art of being an ally needs to be addressed. How do you conduct yourself in a feminist space?

Sometimes it is not a question of 'I understand you' but 'I believe you'. 

Of course the first order of action is to check your privilege. This applies to women feminists as well. For instance, as a person who wrote a thesis on queer theory, focusing on the subject of drag kings and trans politics (eg the fact that being trans gender is not at all the same as being a [Transylvanian] transvestite) I am aware of certain aspects of this life. This does not change the fact that I am a cis-gendered heterosexual woman and will never have the authority on the subject as someone living it does. Wearing trousers does not give me an insight. Listening makes me an ally.

How best can you show your support and be an ally? It is not simply a question of sitting back and listening to the others. Or so it appears – because if it were that easy every ally would be doing it. The trouble is everybody is entitled to their opinion and if you are a member of a group that practises democracy then you are invited to voice it. Here's a short guideline that might help...

1. Learn to listen but, more importantly, listen to learn.

2. If your statements all start in “I” they might not be as relevant to the group as they are to you.

3.Think about what you want to get out of this meeting. Is it congratulations and gratitude for your right-onness or real activism?

4. Question yourself. That thing you're struggling to justify? Instead of rushing to defend it consider this: could it be it's just plain old misogyny?

Feminists need to not only stick together, but really value each other. For the men who wish to be a part of this movement? Sometimes it is not a question of 'I understand you' but 'I believe you'.

Squeamish Kate