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Shelter from the Norm

6/12/2012

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Hot Diamonds Emmeline Brooch
138.8%, that’s how much reports of domestic violence rose in the west of Scotland when a Celtic and Rangers game is played on a Saturday. 96.8% when they play on a Sunday or weekday. I remember back in 2011 when I heard Strathclyde police’s statistics, it was demoralising. Domestic abuse occurs throughout the UK but too often goes unseen. It’s not a rare occurrence, domestic abuse is normality for many people, woman, children and men. This report dragged me into the homes of those women and their families and forced me to confront the reality of many women’s lives. I thought about the intimidation, fear and abuse that can be invisible to society because it is happens in the victim’s home.

The question, “Why don’t just they leave?” is one I have asked before but know myself is not the right question. Let alone an easy answer. It’s never easy to leave, particularly if you have nowhere else to go. The charity Refuge has been providing the shelter and support women need to escape domestic abuse for nearly 42 years. Funding has been cut across the charity sector and this has had a profound affect on the work and facilities Refuge needs in order to continue providing the support they do. They are an integral lifeline for women and children and on a daily basis support 2,000 people, but this cannot continue without help.  

I heard Lisa Kind, Refuge’s director of communications reiterate these points at the launch of the charity’s new brooch. Their first women’s refuge opened in Chiswick in 1971, there is now a whole network of refuges across the country. When you realise that 2 women a week die as a result of domestic violence and take in to account the amount of people you know who have been hit, controlled or threatened by their partners, you begin to understand the severity of the problem.

The Emmeline brooch had been created by Hot Diamonds as a way, to not only raise awareness of domestic abuse, but also much needed funds for the charity. 25% of the profits from each sale will be given to Refuge. The brooch is named after Suffragette Emmeline Pankhurst to remind us of the equality women are still fighting for. 
Refuge aims to fight that inequality and empower women, though their refuges and helpline. Speaking at the launch was Anna Larke. Her much publicised court case against ex-boyfriend comedian Justin Lee Collins brought the issue of abuse and what abuse really meant to the forefront of the news again. Her experience and the 140 hours of community service Justin Lee Collins was sentenced to hammers home society's denial and lack of understanding of what abuse is and the ramifications it has. The lack of support for women who seek help against domestic abuse is pitiful.

domestic abuse is normality for many people, woman, children and men...

Listening to Anna speak about the progression of what appeared to be love and affection slowly turning into control and psychological abuse was hard to hear. The violence may have triggered her leaving but the damage had been done. We forget the psychological torture is the most paralysing element of being in an abusive relationship; it wears you down until, in Anna’s own words, you are a “husk of a women.”

Anna told us: “I have stayed in a damaging relationship for longer than I should under the false hope that the person I fell in love with at the start was still there somewhere. It is very hard to separate the feelings of love you have for someone with the feelings of pain. I thought that if it distressed me so much when we argued then I must feel really strongly about my partner and it must mean there was something worth trying to save. I didn’t realise that it hurt because when someone is cruel and you care about them, it is utterly devastating.”

The little sterling silver flower with a pink sapphire stone (representing Refuge's logo) that Hot Diamonds has designed may just be another consumer product, a piece of jewellery, but it is also a way for people to draw attention to what too often goes unnoticed. Hopefully this brooch will help Refuge to raise the funds to continue to support women and children leave abusive relationships.

Squeamish Nicola

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