The Birds + The Bees Images: Asinesis, Marilyn Jane
Sex sex sex. It's everywhere isn't it? It's all we can talk about. Whether it's office workers reading 50 Shades of Grey on their commute or teenagers getting banged in foreign climes while smashed out of their brains on cheap alcopops. Everyone's either doing it or, more to the point, talking about it.
This definitely didn't happen in the good old days. Say 20 years ago. Or 90 years ago. Or 2,000 years ago. Nah, people used to hate talking about sex.
Look. I'm not saying that we shouldn't talk about sex. Or think about the messages we send out when we do it. Or the ways in which we socialise young people to see, talk about and perform sexual roles. I'm just saying maybe it would be a good idea to just... relax a bit.
This definitely didn't happen in the good old days. Say 20 years ago. Or 90 years ago. Or 2,000 years ago. Nah, people used to hate talking about sex.
Look. I'm not saying that we shouldn't talk about sex. Or think about the messages we send out when we do it. Or the ways in which we socialise young people to see, talk about and perform sexual roles. I'm just saying maybe it would be a good idea to just... relax a bit.
I got to thinking about this when I stumbled upon an article in the Mail. I don't as a rule make new year's resolutions, but to stop poking the particularly fascinating pain that is reading the Mail online should probably be one. And I should definitely stop ever scrolling down and reading the comments underneath. But I found this article before I decided on that resolution. I suppose this post is my equivalent of the massive bender lots of people pull on new year's eve before swearing off booze in a hungover fug the next day. So bear with me through this rant, and I promise not to write another rant about the Mail during 2013. (Unless something exceptional happens. Like, I dunno, if they discover slut-shaming and decide to write an article about how it's a Bad Thing while totally missing the point and the resulting irony tears a hole in the space-time continuum... Oh. Never mind. Look, I'll just quit, I promise. Right after this.)
| The Mail are concerned that some women are losing their libidos. Despite the fact that “films and TV dramas would have us believe every woman is enslaved by an almost insatiable libido,” these women aren't feeling the urge. | I'm just saying maybe it would be a good idea to just...relax a bit. |
Call me cynical, but I doubt this particular paper would shed a tear for a single 20 year old facing this problem. But these women have husbands, so it doesn't just affect them.
Now, in fairness to the story, I should point out that in some respects it's pretty balanced. It mentions both the possible hormonal and lifestyle factors that can lead to a loss of libido, and the impact this can have on people.
But perhaps when you are quoting surveys which have apparently “shown that more than a third of women do not experience orgasm with a partner, or find sex actively painful” there might be a slightly bigger picture to look at.
When I say we should relax about sex, I mean that in several ways. Firstly, if someone doesn't want to have sex and they're happy with that choice then guess what? That's fine. And if they do, it's not a competition. It should just be about enjoyment for the people involved. I know, a radical concept.
Certainly for most of the commenters. There are lots of comments around the idea that sex is a given in a relationship. As if once you have started dating someone it is their right to demand it.
Now, in fairness to the story, I should point out that in some respects it's pretty balanced. It mentions both the possible hormonal and lifestyle factors that can lead to a loss of libido, and the impact this can have on people.
But perhaps when you are quoting surveys which have apparently “shown that more than a third of women do not experience orgasm with a partner, or find sex actively painful” there might be a slightly bigger picture to look at.
When I say we should relax about sex, I mean that in several ways. Firstly, if someone doesn't want to have sex and they're happy with that choice then guess what? That's fine. And if they do, it's not a competition. It should just be about enjoyment for the people involved. I know, a radical concept.
Certainly for most of the commenters. There are lots of comments around the idea that sex is a given in a relationship. As if once you have started dating someone it is their right to demand it.
That's not uncommon as a view, even if it is disturbing. What really threw me were the multiple comments talking about how disgusting genitalia are.
Look, if you find sex that disgusting then just don't do it. But I am going to go back to my earlier point. Sex should be fun.
Yes, it's good for making a baby, if you have the right combination of bits. But if that's not your goal then why are you doing it if you're not enjoying it? It makes no sense to me.
It would be nice if we could all just take a breath, realise that bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes, sex comes in multiple varieties, and it's no-one else's business how little or often or how we do it (unless perhaps they're someone we want to get jiggy with).
Squeamish Louise
Yes, it's good for making a baby, if you have the right combination of bits. But if that's not your goal then why are you doing it if you're not enjoying it? It makes no sense to me.
It would be nice if we could all just take a breath, realise that bodies come in lots of shapes and sizes, sex comes in multiple varieties, and it's no-one else's business how little or often or how we do it (unless perhaps they're someone we want to get jiggy with).
Squeamish Louise
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