A true pick up artist. Image: Sjoerd Lammers I recently received a slightly baffling press release in which a sex toy company who e-mailed my work account congratulated me for being at work, in the middle of a week day, rather than in the queue to buy or at home playing a particular video game. Well done me. However I wasn't to get too smug, what is this Protestant work ethic grindstone thing? Didn't I think those people (men) in the video game queue deserve sexual pleasure? I have to admit that I stopped reading then because it was a slightly complicated thread to follow as I do not work in the video games industry, nor the sex toy industry (any more) and it wasn't relevant to my job. However the combination of sexual pleasure and video gaming put me in mind of the popular idea among young men (and older men) who subscribe to the Pick Up Artist approach that women are some kind of computer game just waiting for you to input (nudge, nudge, wink) the right code and that you are deserving of sexual gratification.
Why did I put gratification instead of the 'pleasure' specified by the press release? Because the kind of sexual excitement felt from a predatory approach hardly implies that anything mutual is about to go down. Why am I even talking about this? Because while the story of the Pick Up Artist is not new it is - just like their style - persistent and indicative that a certain type of misogyny isn't going away any time soon.
There is a place for the kind of flirtation that involves a bit of a chase or playing hard to get. There is also a place for recognising the difference between playing hard to get and telling you the answer is negative. There is a difference between a chase and harassment. It seems that these lines have become (har har) blurred.
What's worse is that the men who take this attitude blame the women who reject them, or call their behaviour out coming to the damning conclusion that these women have no sense of humour, are frigid and worst of all ugly. And fat.
Buzzfeed recently posted about an American Pick Up Artist, Julien Blanc who works with the PUA collective (no, really!) Real Social Dynamics. Blanc travels the world teaching men how to "manipulate women into having sex with them."
There is a place for the kind of flirtation that involves a bit of a chase or playing hard to get. There is also a place for recognising the difference between playing hard to get and telling you the answer is negative. There is a difference between a chase and harassment. It seems that these lines have become (har har) blurred.
What's worse is that the men who take this attitude blame the women who reject them, or call their behaviour out coming to the damning conclusion that these women have no sense of humour, are frigid and worst of all ugly. And fat.
Buzzfeed recently posted about an American Pick Up Artist, Julien Blanc who works with the PUA collective (no, really!) Real Social Dynamics. Blanc travels the world teaching men how to "manipulate women into having sex with them."
| How does he do this? Which charming jokes? Self deprecation? Asking about the interests and hobbies of the woman he is chatting up? No, dear reader that is not his technique. What's the one thing we all know ladies can't resist. Choking. No no, being choked by a stranger! Can't resist it! Those ladies! Never happier than when having their air supply compromised by some man with a camera (for educational purposes). | Does it ever occur to Blanc or other PUAs why women might respond with a smile? Because they are frightened of them. |
And it must be fine because there's a hashtag for it, #chokinggirlsaroundtheworld. So, as far as social media is concerned it's totes legit. But just in case you're still unsure let me tell you about this guy's sense of humour. Recently Blanc posted a little domestic abuse chart that explains the different signs of abuse with the hashtage #HowToMakeHerStay. He's a HOOT.
If you find incredibly dangerous white men funny he is anyway. Why is he dangerous? He's just one cis white guy. Well he is, but he has the ears of many other men looking to solve their women trouble with a quick fix that doesn't involve addressing their own issues. Blanc is currently holding workshops in Australia. In his workshops he's been known to tell his (voluntarily) captive audience gems such as: "if you're a white male, you can do what you want. I'm just romping through the streets, just grabbing girls' heads, just like, head, pfft on the dick."
I don't want white males romping through the streets like that. I don't want any males romping anywhere, let alone think they can grab a woman's head and place it wherever they want. The fact that no woman has yet taken a chunk out of his dick makes it clear that either A) fortune mysteriously shines on Blanc or B) women are still going for the polite response. Giggling. Because women are still conditioned not to upset men.
Does it ever occur to Blanc or other PUAs why women might respond with a smile? Because they are frightened of them. It's frightening to be grabbed and it's easier and quicker to try and placate the unnerving romping man on the street than call him out.
Pick Up Artists, men such as Jian Ghomeshi and, it seems, Tinder founder Sean Rad exploit this.
Squeamish Kate
If you find incredibly dangerous white men funny he is anyway. Why is he dangerous? He's just one cis white guy. Well he is, but he has the ears of many other men looking to solve their women trouble with a quick fix that doesn't involve addressing their own issues. Blanc is currently holding workshops in Australia. In his workshops he's been known to tell his (voluntarily) captive audience gems such as: "if you're a white male, you can do what you want. I'm just romping through the streets, just grabbing girls' heads, just like, head, pfft on the dick."
I don't want white males romping through the streets like that. I don't want any males romping anywhere, let alone think they can grab a woman's head and place it wherever they want. The fact that no woman has yet taken a chunk out of his dick makes it clear that either A) fortune mysteriously shines on Blanc or B) women are still going for the polite response. Giggling. Because women are still conditioned not to upset men.
Does it ever occur to Blanc or other PUAs why women might respond with a smile? Because they are frightened of them. It's frightening to be grabbed and it's easier and quicker to try and placate the unnerving romping man on the street than call him out.
Pick Up Artists, men such as Jian Ghomeshi and, it seems, Tinder founder Sean Rad exploit this.
Squeamish Kate
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