Image: Pauline Mak What do Brits think about infidelity? I'm going to take a punt they don't like it very much. I asked both of my boyfriends what they think of cheating, and they weren't in favour either. Looks like we're in tune with the rest of the nation, according to research reported in the Independent
If you're thinking "wait, both boyfriends?! good thing they don't know about each other", then you'd be wrong. Because they do. And none of us like cheating. Because there are relationship models other than monogamy, or monogamy + cheating.
If you're thinking "wait, both boyfriends?! good thing they don't know about each other", then you'd be wrong. Because they do. And none of us like cheating. Because there are relationship models other than monogamy, or monogamy + cheating.
Not that you would know it from that article I linked to. It seems to use 'infidelity' and 'sleeping with other people' interchangeably. Despite the fact that it also references open relationships. So can we be very clear about this, please. They are not the same thing.
There are plenty of ways of not being monogamous, and of not being monogamous ethically. I know people in plenty of different arrangements, from 3 adults living together and raising their children communally, to couples who like to invite other people into their bed occasionally.
There are plenty of ways of not being monogamous, and of not being monogamous ethically. I know people in plenty of different arrangements, from 3 adults living together and raising their children communally, to couples who like to invite other people into their bed occasionally.
| The idea that monogamy is the only natural option and the only workable option just isn't true. Yes, it is how our society is arranged, and the presumption that people make, but that is not the same thing. | I see exploring, talking about and supporting other relationship models as a feminist issue. |
I do see exploring, talking about and supporting other relationship models as a feminist issue.
The 'traditional' nuclear family model has not exactly been kind to women, and marriage comes from a patriarchal history where women were seen as property. If women today choose monogamy, or marriage, and it's what they want and makes them happy, then more power to them. But why not look at some of the other options?
Whether that means saying 'I don't want to have sex with anyone, ever', or 'I like to go to sex clubs every Friday night', I believe that women should be able to take control of their sexuality and how they express it.
There's an article on the Daily Mail website at the moment about a woman who has written a book about her and her husband's visits to sex clubs over the course of a long, and by all accounts happy marriage. It's a gift of an article for the Mail of course - it lets them print salacious details of flings and romps and sexcapades while still raising one eyebrow and encouraging readers to use the comment box to express outrage and disgust.
But despite that I was still glad to see it. The woman in question, Emma Styles, is upfront and unapologetic. And frankly, it sounds as if her and her husband have been having a whale of a time (a whole team of French firefighters! Excuse me while I go and fan myself).
People might get upset, but have they been hurt by this couples actions? Unless you count choking on toast and marmalade while reading about them then no, they have not.
This is the thing that most puzzles me about people's attitudes towards open relationships, polyamory and the rest - the outright anger and disgust.
Look, it's fine. We promise not to try and recruit you. And in return, maybe you could do us the courtesy of accepting that grown adults are capable of talking to each other, negotiating, behaving ethically, and coming up with ways of organising our lives that are not carbon copies of yours. And being happy.
Liv
The 'traditional' nuclear family model has not exactly been kind to women, and marriage comes from a patriarchal history where women were seen as property. If women today choose monogamy, or marriage, and it's what they want and makes them happy, then more power to them. But why not look at some of the other options?
Whether that means saying 'I don't want to have sex with anyone, ever', or 'I like to go to sex clubs every Friday night', I believe that women should be able to take control of their sexuality and how they express it.
There's an article on the Daily Mail website at the moment about a woman who has written a book about her and her husband's visits to sex clubs over the course of a long, and by all accounts happy marriage. It's a gift of an article for the Mail of course - it lets them print salacious details of flings and romps and sexcapades while still raising one eyebrow and encouraging readers to use the comment box to express outrage and disgust.
But despite that I was still glad to see it. The woman in question, Emma Styles, is upfront and unapologetic. And frankly, it sounds as if her and her husband have been having a whale of a time (a whole team of French firefighters! Excuse me while I go and fan myself).
People might get upset, but have they been hurt by this couples actions? Unless you count choking on toast and marmalade while reading about them then no, they have not.
This is the thing that most puzzles me about people's attitudes towards open relationships, polyamory and the rest - the outright anger and disgust.
Look, it's fine. We promise not to try and recruit you. And in return, maybe you could do us the courtesy of accepting that grown adults are capable of talking to each other, negotiating, behaving ethically, and coming up with ways of organising our lives that are not carbon copies of yours. And being happy.
Liv
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