Pope Joan woodcut image: Penn Provenance Project
Yesterday just as the world was warming up to discuss Katy Perry’s flouting of the CBS Grammys dress code someone else with a flamboyant uniform came and stole her thunder. So much for Katy’s choice to ignore broadcaster CBS’s dress code, warning attendees at the Grammy awards to dress modestly for the camera. CBS specified the problematic costumes as: 'Thong type' and urging that the 'genital region' and buttocks be 'adequately covered'. 'Bare fleshy undercurves' and 'buttock crack' exposure was deemed unacceptable by CBS, as were breasts and nipples.
Perry’s mass of cleavage (she went with cleavage instead of bare fleshy undercurves) was overshadowed when the current Pope, Pope Benedict XVI announced what many people thought was impossible – his resignation. It is not the first time a pope has resigned as we now all know from that quick Google on your smart phone.
Perry’s mass of cleavage (she went with cleavage instead of bare fleshy undercurves) was overshadowed when the current Pope, Pope Benedict XVI announced what many people thought was impossible – his resignation. It is not the first time a pope has resigned as we now all know from that quick Google on your smart phone.
Pope Benedict IX started it in 1045, resigning in order to sell the papacy to his godfather, who became Pope Gregory VI, who in turn resigned when everyone wondered if such an arrangement wasn’t a little iffy and accused him of the crime of simony. Next to resign was Pope Celestine V in 1294 and then in 1415 Pope Gregory XII. And 4 makes a trend.
Once we’d established that popes can and do resign the next question is who will be the new pope? One thing is for certain, that it won’t be a woman.
Once we’d established that popes can and do resign the next question is who will be the new pope? One thing is for certain, that it won’t be a woman.
| Wait a minute, I’ve seen the Caryl Churchill playTop Girls (OK I haven’t, but I have read it) where the character Marlene converses with powerful women from history. Including Pope Joan. | The street Pope Joan gave birth on Via Sacra became known as The Shunned Street. |
The Catholic church dismisses Pope Joan as a myth. It’s perhaps likely she is as real as Chaucer’s Patient Griselda who also features in Top Girls. However we don’t often get the chance to talk about the idea of a woman pope. There is some evidence in documents and artwork that suggest there was a woman in the highest church position, it was a popular belief for centuries. So let’s talk in a vaguely topical way about Pope Joan.
Born in Mainz, Germany the young Joan studied Greek and Latin at a monastery founded by English missionaries. In Top Girls Joan tells Marlene that because girls were not educated she dressed in the drag of a boy in order to study from the age 12 onwards. The story goes that she fell in love with a monk and, disguised as a monk, accompanied him to Athens.
It was in Athens she took the name John Anglicus, before moving to Rome. There Joan, or John Angelicus, taught the liberal arts and became so knowledgeable as to have no equal. She worked her way up from a papal notary and became a cardinal.
In 855 she was elected pontiff and reigned as Pope John VIII. It was during a papal procession from St Peter’s to the Lateran that Joan, pregnant by her companion, began to give birth (on horseback) and publically revealed her gender. The street Pope Joan gave birth on had been known as Via Sacra (or The Sacred Way) became known as The Shunned Street.
According to the Vitæ Pontificum Platinæ historici liber de vita Christi ac omnium pontificum qui hactenus ducenti fuere et XX, written in 1479 Pope Joan reigned for 2 years, 1 month and 4 days. She died giving birth and was buried in the Shunned Street “without any pomp.” Though other writings suggest she survived, living in penance and her son went on to become the Bishop of Ostia.
It is also said that post the Pope Joan scandal new Popes were examined to check for the presence of testicles. The cardinal selected to verify and vouch for the testicles upon finding them would say “Duos habet et bene pendentes” meaning “He has two, and they dangle nicely.”
Speaking on BBC Radio 4 Today on the direction the Catholic Church might take with a new Pope, Cardinal CM O 'Connor said: “Catholic teaching would be wise to focus on marriage and family life, rather than say ‘we condemn this, that or the other.’” How would they deal now with a Pope Joan, lacking in testicles and with surprise offspring?
Squeamish Kate
Born in Mainz, Germany the young Joan studied Greek and Latin at a monastery founded by English missionaries. In Top Girls Joan tells Marlene that because girls were not educated she dressed in the drag of a boy in order to study from the age 12 onwards. The story goes that she fell in love with a monk and, disguised as a monk, accompanied him to Athens.
It was in Athens she took the name John Anglicus, before moving to Rome. There Joan, or John Angelicus, taught the liberal arts and became so knowledgeable as to have no equal. She worked her way up from a papal notary and became a cardinal.
In 855 she was elected pontiff and reigned as Pope John VIII. It was during a papal procession from St Peter’s to the Lateran that Joan, pregnant by her companion, began to give birth (on horseback) and publically revealed her gender. The street Pope Joan gave birth on had been known as Via Sacra (or The Sacred Way) became known as The Shunned Street.
According to the Vitæ Pontificum Platinæ historici liber de vita Christi ac omnium pontificum qui hactenus ducenti fuere et XX, written in 1479 Pope Joan reigned for 2 years, 1 month and 4 days. She died giving birth and was buried in the Shunned Street “without any pomp.” Though other writings suggest she survived, living in penance and her son went on to become the Bishop of Ostia.
It is also said that post the Pope Joan scandal new Popes were examined to check for the presence of testicles. The cardinal selected to verify and vouch for the testicles upon finding them would say “Duos habet et bene pendentes” meaning “He has two, and they dangle nicely.”
Speaking on BBC Radio 4 Today on the direction the Catholic Church might take with a new Pope, Cardinal CM O 'Connor said: “Catholic teaching would be wise to focus on marriage and family life, rather than say ‘we condemn this, that or the other.’” How would they deal now with a Pope Joan, lacking in testicles and with surprise offspring?
Squeamish Kate
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