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Microchristmas, A Recipe

1/12/2011

2 Comments

 
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Because we don’t post on weekends and because we’re just so devil-may-care we didn’t give you any instructions for Stir Up Sunday. I have no idea if Stir Up Sunday is a real thing or just something that happens on The Archers (oh please, like you are surprised). Ok Google tells me it is a real thing.

Stir up Sunday is the Sunday just before Advent, due to mincemeat and Christmas pudding recipes formerly requiring a long standing period. The reason Squeamish Bikini can smash this rule is because of the noble microwave.

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People, do not be afraid of your microwaves. When I went to uni I was quickly singled out as both the only student who didn’t have a TV (‘so, what do you do for entertainment?’) and the only student who brought their own microwave (‘the microwaves will feed from your food into your brain!’). The microwave has done away with any messing with ovens or leaving bowls of mixture in the airing cupboard with a cloth it in the run up to The Season.

I am offended to my Christmas core when offered a shop bought mince pie. They are too sweet and ridiculously massive which is why so many people think they don’t like mince pies. This is an expensive error when mincemeat is so very easy to make.

So, today I am going to share with you a family tradition that goes all the way back to the 1980s.

Squeamish Mincemeat (makes 6 Jars)

We have never been ones for following recipes to the letter, for years I was convinced we were abiding by Saint Delia, it was only recently I noticed come December we would get down the old stained Delia Smith’s Christmas book, lay it on the table and proceed to completely ignore the thing. Please feel free to bastardise the recipe I am about to impart to you, as we have done with Delia’s.

Ingredients 

450g Bramley Apples, chopped into small pieces, don’t skin.

225g Suet (we use vegetarian)

1.4kg assorted dried fruit. This is where we first deviate from Delia, use whatever you fancy here, we favour; cranberries, dried apricots (cut these up with scissors), raisins, prunes, sultanas, whatever we fancied down the Happy Shopper.

350g Soft brown sugar

50g Pistachios (optional, I for one cannot be doing with chopping pistachios, if you can by all means add away)

4tsp Mixed Spice

½ tsp Cinnamon

Whole grated nutmeg

6tsps Brandy

2 Oranges for zest and juice

2 Lemons, likewise.

Put ingredients in big bowl. Maybe give it a bit of a mix with your washed hands.

Ignore any Delia suggestion you put this in the oven for ages. Or that you leave it over night. This is ridiculous, it's Winterval Delia, a time for the famalam, I certainly will not make them wait for mincey goodness. Microwave for 2 minutes, stir, microwave for 2 minutes, or until all the suet has melted, whatever, zap that Christmas fusion of festive flavours.  MMHMM evocative.

Put in the jars you have washed and been saving all year for no apparent reason until now.

Give as touching homemade gifts to friends if you suddenly remember you don’t even like mince pies.

Or keep if you do like mince pies and spoon into ready rolled pastry. It’s good in puff pastry too if you want to go all edgy for Christmas.

See? That’s taken up, like, an hour max of your day. Promise me you’ll never buy a mince pie or jar of mincemeat again.

YOU’RE WELCOME. 


Squeamish Kate

2 Comments
Louise link
1/12/2011 05:29:07 am

I always make my own mince pies, but there is a tradition in my family of buying the mincemeat and making the pastry - the pastry being VERY IMPORTANT. (crumbly buttery shortcrust is the only option, sorry)

Armed with this article I am going to try to make the entire thing this year, I'll let you know how it goes!

6 jars seems like a lot, how many pies do they fill?

Reply
Squeamish Kate
1/12/2011 07:47:14 am

See, to me...that does not count as homemade, because the mincemeat is the main player in the mince pie. If you put sugary bought mincemeat in homemade pastry then what was the point in making the pastry? We roll the pastry very thin, do you?

Mince pie wars!

As I said, play with the recipe, halve it/third it. We rarely have much left over.

Reply



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