Trawling the web to see what's what in the world I noticed that now it is April and the sun has shone for enough consecutive days for everyone to stop tweeting about there being a large alien yellow ball in the sky (seriously, if you tweeted something along those lines I am surprised at you) it's time for women to be told to ditch the opaques.
Opaques is fancy newspaper fashion talk for black tights. You will rarely see black tights in a fashion shoot, in fashion pages land tanned Caucasian women waft about their open plan offices pairing their smart/casual skirt suits with bare legs, their feet never chafing against the unforgiving p/leather of their high heels in pinky beige (also known, off-puttingly and bafflingly, as flesh tone). Nobody wants to see their designs and stylings paired with black tights, which is a shame for they are glorious and everybody knows it.
Opaques is fancy newspaper fashion talk for black tights. You will rarely see black tights in a fashion shoot, in fashion pages land tanned Caucasian women waft about their open plan offices pairing their smart/casual skirt suits with bare legs, their feet never chafing against the unforgiving p/leather of their high heels in pinky beige (also known, off-puttingly and bafflingly, as flesh tone). Nobody wants to see their designs and stylings paired with black tights, which is a shame for they are glorious and everybody knows it.
Like a nagging mother sniping about white shoes after Labour day (only this is restricted to fiction) come spring fashion writers feel compelled to passive-aggressively hope we aren't still wearing tights. Or chummily pretend they have trouble ditching the old opaques too. For some reason nothing makes me feel more insecure than the idea my legs' daily dose of black tight is causing the general public 'white shoes after Labour Day' anxiety.
When the news that the magazine More! was no more (sorry, I'm contractually obliged) came out there were mixed feelings. Some writers just lost their job or regular gig, which is undeniably sad. But some people saw it as a mild triumph in the war against body policing. One less publication printing diet advice, D list celebrity interviews and generally telling young women and teenage girls what they ought to be like via the method of shaming on dead trees.
This wasn't the original mission statement of More! as Flic Everett notes: "back in the mid-90s, when its agenda was to be the feisty, female alternative to the booming lad-mags - Loaded, FHM and Maxim. More! wanted to be forthright about sex, mock the traditional women's magazines' pomposity and at the same time, offer supportive, emotional advice along with sexy bloke pictures and shocking real life stories."
When the news that the magazine More! was no more (sorry, I'm contractually obliged) came out there were mixed feelings. Some writers just lost their job or regular gig, which is undeniably sad. But some people saw it as a mild triumph in the war against body policing. One less publication printing diet advice, D list celebrity interviews and generally telling young women and teenage girls what they ought to be like via the method of shaming on dead trees.
This wasn't the original mission statement of More! as Flic Everett notes: "back in the mid-90s, when its agenda was to be the feisty, female alternative to the booming lad-mags - Loaded, FHM and Maxim. More! wanted to be forthright about sex, mock the traditional women's magazines' pomposity and at the same time, offer supportive, emotional advice along with sexy bloke pictures and shocking real life stories."
| Everett believes that as More! (and the formerly rather raunchy Mizz and Minx) magazine's brother publications ideas board became increasingly pornified they couldn't continue in the witty ladette vein, although it isn't clear to me why, and instead went down the well-trodden route of trying to "generate greater insecurity in their readers." | there's still a demand for that sisterly style of the old 1990's teen magazine. |
Of course if you want to feel bad about yourself you can do so for free and take a look at the Daily Mail sidebar in order to worry you don't have never-ending legs (which just sound impractical) or if you should be pouring, covering or flaunting your curves today.
I can't help but wonder if the tried and tested formula nicked from advertising of making the reader feel inadequate no longer appeals in the same way it used to. The teen magazine is supposed to be the confidante that replies helpfully and sincerely to Never Been Kissed of Berkshire and pokes harmless fun at boys, teachers and parents who bring y'all down.
I see Rookie going from strength to strength with reassuring features such as Friend Crush, Ask a Grown Man it's recent Complete Guide to Kissing and I see there's still a demand for that sisterly style of the old 1990's magazine. So why not just give it and give up the snark?
And so, we return to the black tights problem. I am not ashamed to tell you I am wearing them RIGHT NOW, however fashion writers you have been half successful because I am in a quandary. I can't buy trousers because I am too short for them. I am also prisoner to the incorrect and illogical notion nude tights are not as warm as black or coloured tights. So, fashion writers I implore you in your own language; don't take away my opaques.
Squeamish Kate
I can't help but wonder if the tried and tested formula nicked from advertising of making the reader feel inadequate no longer appeals in the same way it used to. The teen magazine is supposed to be the confidante that replies helpfully and sincerely to Never Been Kissed of Berkshire and pokes harmless fun at boys, teachers and parents who bring y'all down.
I see Rookie going from strength to strength with reassuring features such as Friend Crush, Ask a Grown Man it's recent Complete Guide to Kissing and I see there's still a demand for that sisterly style of the old 1990's magazine. So why not just give it and give up the snark?
And so, we return to the black tights problem. I am not ashamed to tell you I am wearing them RIGHT NOW, however fashion writers you have been half successful because I am in a quandary. I can't buy trousers because I am too short for them. I am also prisoner to the incorrect and illogical notion nude tights are not as warm as black or coloured tights. So, fashion writers I implore you in your own language; don't take away my opaques.
Squeamish Kate
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