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International Day of the Battle of the Sexes

19/11/2013

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Happy International Men's Day! Hey guys (and I mean guys), this one is for you. I wrote about International Men's Day a while ago, mainly because I had forgotten about it. Unlike International Women's Day, which usually has various events and few articles asking if women need such a day, International Men's Day creeps in surprisingly quietly. Unlike a man at a feminist meeting who likes to point out in the middle of your point that not all men are like that, International Men's Day seems to not be so invested in making a big deal. Or they need a new PR. 

Back in 2011 I wrote: "International Men’s Day and International Women’s Day are not opportunities to try and out-pathetic the other sex. There are no strict rules about only one sex having an international day, so there’s no need for us to duke it out. So come the 19th of November 2012 I will not be mocking it, or insisting it isn't necessary. I shall probably be unwittingly ignoring it. If you want to celebrate it though, I support your right to do so." Come 2012 when the day came I most certainly did unwittingly ignore it. This year I am noting it's both International Men's Day AND World Toilet Day and we should acknowledge both for the good of the environment. 

Feminist Times have declared this week 'Man Week'. When I received the newsletter (which I don't recall signing up for but thanks Feminist Times!) in my work email account I thought eurgh, how gimmicky can you get? But then I read the reasons set out - other than it looks pretty controversial for a site calling itself Feminist Times to celebrate Man Week as noted by editor Charlotte Raven: "It's provocative to have a Man Week for a new feminist publication, but in a post-Lad world we believe analysing and identifying the new masculine archetype is an important issue for feminism." 

However the week has been designated to cover not just International Men's Day, but interestingly it will include the 25th November, Eliminate VAWG Day. It seems like a step in the right direction and oddly new to involve men in this subject. Which is ridiculous because of course they are involved. But by including them in the discussion we might escape the 'not ALL men do that' debate dead end. 
Look, men, I know sometimes it feels like you have the world between your legs (click the link, it makes the joke work) and life has its challenges for all of us. I suspect much of the pressure and expectation heaped upon men has resulted in much of the male despair we see. 

...it's often a room full of white, middle class people discussing, agonising over and celebrating these days.

The privilege of being the 'default' is clearly a poison chalice. WriterAlly Fogg frequently writes about the Angry White Men we see attacking feminism: "When one looks at the horrific abuse meted out to feminist campaigners such as Caroline Criado-Perez for having the temerity to ask that a woman should feature on British banknotes, to Laura Bates for fighting back against street harassment and everyday sexism, or to Anita Sarkeesian for highlighting sexist tropes in video games, it is hard to see it as anything but aggrieved entitlement. The hate campaigns seem firmly rooted in outrage that uppity girls should be intruding upon men's inalienable right to behave how they like, harass who they want, control culture as they wish and shape society in their own image."
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It's 2013 and we're still surprised women can be lady professionals
I fear we are allowing ourselves - with our mean pops at each other - to simply be divided into angry white men and angry white women. We both have valid points and among us are some douches. It is annoying that in a world where International Women's Day is more recognised than the male equivalent I constantly see the media exclaim over women who have become doctors, dentists or FTSE bosses. They aren't dentists, they are women dentists. Which implies to girls that they are the exception. It's not pernickety to point this out, simply very easily solved. Or it would be if it didn't bafflingly infuriate some Angry White Men. 

I have not mentioned, on this day of man celebration, a certain UK based party who wishes to celebrate and defend men. I have certainly not mentioned their founder and leader - let's call him Bike Muchanan - because every time I do I get a snidey e-mail from Bike, which I find unnerving. He's effectively silenced me. I therefore dread to think of the braveness required of the trans* writers, the writers of colour and sex workers (who I lump in together here because they are always met with derision) who continue to blog and publish in the face of threats, anger and abuse. 

International Women's Day and International Men's Day should alert us to the many, many other people who have only their gender in common with us who are much more marginalised. When I say there is room for both International Women's Day and International Men's Day I say it because there is, because it's often a room full of white, middle class people discussing, agonising over and celebrating these days. We actually have the space and the platform to make sure these days are not wasted over who deserves such a day more but focusing on those who could benefit and give a voice to those who really are silenced. 

Squeamish Kate
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