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How the Waltons Failed Ma & Pa

20/3/2014

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The Walton sextuplets are 30. Having caused a media stir at birth beating the odds given to their mother Janet Walton who was told at 16 that conception was unlikely anITV documentary is due to air soon covering the sextuplets' lives as adults. So! What are we looking at. Usually when documenting larger than average families we like to know things like...are the family on benefits? In which case what will the destiny of their scrounging kids be, how big is their telly and why are they allowed to live? Just asking because we're sincerely concerned, yeah. Or for a more highbrow documentary we investigate the parents and their belief in the rhythm method and Catholicism perhaps or maybe they just didn't get enough love in their own childhoods, or are they holding out for a girl/boy. With the Walton sextuplets, because of the nature of their conception and birth we might be interested in how Ma and Pa Walton coped, but now the girls are 30 and it's 2014 what we really, really want to know is... are they married?

Oh reader, I weep to tell you that no! They are not! Okay okay, that's fine, I hear you say, it's a shock but we're modern people over here...tell us Kate, have they at least had babies? Reader! Prepare yourself. NO!

I know, I know! The Daily Mail and Allison Pearson in the Telegraph are pretty upset actually. The Daily Mail notes that while the sextuplets have managed six tattoos and three engagements by the age of 30 none of them have become mothers. Which isn't so odd considering the average age of a woman giving birth for the first time has crept up steadily over the years. When Janet Walton gave birth at 31 to her daughters in 1983 the average age of a first time mother was 26, in 2012 the average age for a first time mother was 28.1.

Brushing aside the matter that none of the sextuplets might want kids, Allison Pearson scolds them and their fellow sisters in their generation: "What strikes me is that not one of the girls is married, or has children, although three are engaged and all have careers. Their mother, Janet, now 61, is desperate for grandchildren, but her daughters are in no hurry to oblige." Selfish bitches! Baby machines have baby machines have baby machines all to oblige the baby machine that went before. Understand? Never mind picking a co-parent or finances or whether or not you want a baby. It's nice! By the way that sound you can hear are your ovaries shrivelling as every second goes by. Tick tock! 
No, seriously guys, Ms Pearson is concerned the girls seem: "...unbothered by a family history of fertility problems, think they can take a more leisurely attitude. The Waltons may or may not be deluded, but they are bang on-trend for their generation." Their generation, which is deluded. Remember, says Pearson, "Mother Nature does not share the views of Germaine Greer."

We really need to let go of this idea that all women will regret not having kids 

We really need to let go of this idea that all women will regret not having kids and recognise that some will and some won't. As will some men, remember Benedict Cumberbatch's mournfully broody Q&A in the Guardian? Thanks to biology lessons, older broody-by-proxy people and the media I am well aware that there will come a time when I will no longer be fertile. But youth doesn't necessarily equal fertility. Plenty of young women find conceiving difficult if not impossible due to other issues. Courtesy of Mother Nature who is on occasion it would appear, at least in cahoots with Germaine. 

The offence displayed on behalf of Janet and Graham Walton who may or may not become grandparents is, frankly, peculiar. Those women who don't are seen as failing, if not themselves, then other people and somehow become 'unwomen'. We know life doesn't always go the way you'd like, so why when it comes to bringing a new life to potentially go wrong into the world to we get so uppity and prescriptive? 

Jody Day, founder of Gateway Women for the childfree, wrote: "women are separating into two tribes: the mothers and the childfree, and we are struggling to find common ground...So, if a fifth of women are child-free, why do we feel so peripheral, so shut out? Perhaps - despite decades of feminism - it's because there's an assumption that the only truly worthwhile job a woman can do is to raise children." 

It's interesting that the Walton sextuplets all survived. It's interesting that one of them lives at home, increasingly typical in the current financial climate. It's interesting that they have forged friendships in a crowded sisterhood. It is not interesting that they aren't married and it's none of our business that they haven't had children.

Squeamish Kate
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