When not appraising women physically the media and general public like to comment on their silliness. Silly girl. A woman makes a choice others disapprove of and she's a silly girl. Whether or not it is a wise decision does not negate the fact that the person who has made it is a grown woman and we rarely know all the many reasons that have gone into her final decision. Nor does it change the gravity of the situation. Particularly when it comes to the subject of domestic abuse. If your only comment is 'silly girl' then you are taking the wrong things and people into account. (TW)
Last Monday morning TMZ chose to release video footage of Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice beating Janay Palmer in an Atlantic City casino elevator. In it Rice lands a blow so hard that Palmer is knocked unconscious, whereupon he drags her from the lift.
Janay Palmer has since married this man. Is that disappointing? Disturbing? Curious? Maybe. Is it our business? Possibly. If a woman is in danger it is most definitely our business. This isn't a question of who should intervene in such situations but how we intervene. And FYI you are not doing some kind of public service by watching or sharing the footage of the attack.
After Rice pleaded not guilty in an investigation he entered an intervention program for first-time offenders which meant he could avoid a trial. The NFL reacted to his violence by handing Rice a two game suspension in July.
Janay Palmer has since married this man. Is that disappointing? Disturbing? Curious? Maybe. Is it our business? Possibly. If a woman is in danger it is most definitely our business. This isn't a question of who should intervene in such situations but how we intervene. And FYI you are not doing some kind of public service by watching or sharing the footage of the attack.
After Rice pleaded not guilty in an investigation he entered an intervention program for first-time offenders which meant he could avoid a trial. The NFL reacted to his violence by handing Rice a two game suspension in July.
| In her Huffington Post column Ethlie Ann Vare noted a shocked sports commentator's reaction to the NFL's decision: "You get a five-game suspension for smoking a joint, he gasped, and that stuff's practically legal!" The commentator wasn't alone in thinking this was paltry and since then Rice's contract has been terminated and he is on indefinite suspension. | This isn't a question of who should intervene in such situations but how we intervene. |
Janay Rice nee Palmer has spoken out saying: "I love my husband. I support him. I want people to respect our privacy in this family matter." While we might be surprised that news stories are referring to her as Rice's "then-fiancee" because reader, she married him rather than left him we will not help either party by tutting, criticising and saying 'silly girl' or 'gold digger' who values her bank balance over her physical and mental health.
We have to consider, as Hannah Giorgis encourages us to that: "victim blaming extends far past simply being shunned by your immediate community - it means having your most horrific memories go viral without your consent. It means having millions of people virtually dissect your wounds, not to heal them but to decide if your injuries were bad enough for everyone to feel bad for you."
We should also consider what our reaction and the NFL's would be had Ray Rice acted this way towards a stranger. Or a team mate. Would we wonder what they had done to provoke him? Or focus entirely on the perpetrator.
Instead of focusing on the whys and hows and who of this specific case we should focus on making sure resources for people in violent or abusive relationships are available and accessible. We should focus on education that discusses what a healthy relationship is. We should focus on our part on why it might ever be safer to stay than to leave.
Squeamish Kate
We have to consider, as Hannah Giorgis encourages us to that: "victim blaming extends far past simply being shunned by your immediate community - it means having your most horrific memories go viral without your consent. It means having millions of people virtually dissect your wounds, not to heal them but to decide if your injuries were bad enough for everyone to feel bad for you."
We should also consider what our reaction and the NFL's would be had Ray Rice acted this way towards a stranger. Or a team mate. Would we wonder what they had done to provoke him? Or focus entirely on the perpetrator.
Instead of focusing on the whys and hows and who of this specific case we should focus on making sure resources for people in violent or abusive relationships are available and accessible. We should focus on education that discusses what a healthy relationship is. We should focus on our part on why it might ever be safer to stay than to leave.
Squeamish Kate
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