It's probably reasonable to say that today's teenagers are under more pressure than ever. They are under pressure for results that will then be sneered at because the exams they take aren't nearly as challenging as what they examined you on in your day. They are under pressure to be successful and find a job and maybe even a flat in an increasingly competitive market. They are under pressure to negotiate social networking - a thing no responsible adult has yet perfected due to its youth. There are also the real life social pressures and while teenage boys have their struggles the quest for a certain kind of perfection that many a teenage girl doggedly pursues is still unique to them. What their aiming to be is Little Miss Perfect.
Oxford High School for Girls has started an initiative called Goodbye Little Miss Perfect. The aim of the initiative is to help girls learn that it is 'fine not to get everything right'. One the Little Miss Perfect web page the school describes how perfectionism holds girls back: "Some of her behaviours had become quite unhelpful; she was known to put off starting a piece of work because she didn't feel confident about being able to do it 'perfectly', consider herself a 'failure' if her friend achieved a higher mark and spend ages on beautifully written notes (ripping out the page if she made an error which might make the presentation less than perfect)."
The initiative was inspired by Professor Roz Shafran who visited to give the annual Ada Benson lecture on 'Perfectionism and self-esteem: two sides of the same coin?' Professor Shafran discussed a girl having high standards and and a girl's self-esteem being disproportionately dependent on striving and achievement. In her lecture Shafran noted that aiming for perfection often leads to avoidance and procrastination, or to overworking something. More seriously she broached the subject of extreme cases, as found in some of the patients she has worked with in a clinical setting. Perfectionism can be linked to anxiety, self-harm and eating disorders.
Headmistress Judith Carlisle said: "Real life is not about perfection. Even the most successful of lives has its share of setbacks, disappointments and failures."
The initiative was inspired by Professor Roz Shafran who visited to give the annual Ada Benson lecture on 'Perfectionism and self-esteem: two sides of the same coin?' Professor Shafran discussed a girl having high standards and and a girl's self-esteem being disproportionately dependent on striving and achievement. In her lecture Shafran noted that aiming for perfection often leads to avoidance and procrastination, or to overworking something. More seriously she broached the subject of extreme cases, as found in some of the patients she has worked with in a clinical setting. Perfectionism can be linked to anxiety, self-harm and eating disorders.
Headmistress Judith Carlisle said: "Real life is not about perfection. Even the most successful of lives has its share of setbacks, disappointments and failures."
| You might think this begins and ends with exam results but as Laurie Penny writes in her new book Unspeakable Things "being the perfect girl can kill you". | The desperation to achieve perfection can lead to control over other aspects of life... |
In what I imagine is a highly competitive school like Oxford High School for Girls I imagine it is hard to foster a safe environment for experimentation and even failure. Doctor Adrienne Key of the Priory said: "Perfectionism wrecks self-esteem unless it's checked. It can be a brilliant trait to get you places, but unfortunately it involves a lot of self-criticism and unless you can moderate that, you become more susceptible to doing drastic things".
The desperation to achieve perfection can lead to control over other aspects of life, as Laurie Penny writes: "Of all the female sins, hunger is the least forgivable; hunger for anything, for food, sex, power, education, even love. If we have desires, we are expected to conceal them, to control them, to keep ourselves in check. We are supposed to be objects of desire, not desiring beings"
It appears we are bringing up a generation of girls who suffer an inner torment: "Perfect girls know that they must constantly improve. Of course, nobody is really a perfect girl."
How do we counter this? It is important, the professor stressed in her lecture at the high school, that girls are encouraged to strengthen their sense of self-worth and not base it entirely on achievement, allowing themselves to have a "compassionate rather than a self-critical inner-voice - freeing them up to be the best that they can be." I hope we can teach girls to be compassionate with themselves.
Squeamish Kate
The desperation to achieve perfection can lead to control over other aspects of life, as Laurie Penny writes: "Of all the female sins, hunger is the least forgivable; hunger for anything, for food, sex, power, education, even love. If we have desires, we are expected to conceal them, to control them, to keep ourselves in check. We are supposed to be objects of desire, not desiring beings"
It appears we are bringing up a generation of girls who suffer an inner torment: "Perfect girls know that they must constantly improve. Of course, nobody is really a perfect girl."
How do we counter this? It is important, the professor stressed in her lecture at the high school, that girls are encouraged to strengthen their sense of self-worth and not base it entirely on achievement, allowing themselves to have a "compassionate rather than a self-critical inner-voice - freeing them up to be the best that they can be." I hope we can teach girls to be compassionate with themselves.
Squeamish Kate
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