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Friday 5...Wedding Officiants

30/1/2014

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We are gathered here today to talk about the mass wedding at the 2014 Grammy Awards ceremony of 33 gay and straight but all in love couples, to celebrate the failure of the Defense of Marriage Act, officiated over by Queen Latifah.

The couples were also treated/subjected to Madonna singing Open Up Your Heart as they began their married lives, dressed in a kind of white cowboy groom attire.

So, we wondered, if we could choose, which celebrity would we have officiate at our weddings - The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air scored Shaft as his wedding officiant, can we top that?

1. If I'm going to go to the trouble of getting married, there's only one celebrity I want marrying me. Why marry in the eyes of God when you can be married by God? Yup, I want the Judeo-Christian deity to officiate at my wedding. Celebs come and go, but God has been famous (and a best-selling author) for two whole millennia. That's exactly the kind of longevity a successful marriage should seek to emulate. F1Kate

2.
I actually got married to a song by the Cure. So the logical progression from that is to have Robert Smith as the officiant. I don't even feel like I need to go into detail about how insanely wonderful that would be. In fact, can I just have Robert Smith follow me around and soundtrack my entire life, please? Squeamish Louise

3.
Bill Murray. As demonstrated in Groundhog Day he could make some I've sculptures, cook the meal, and play as people walk down the aisle. And he played a ship's captain in The Life Aquatic so he could precede over the ceremony (I'm aware he's a fictional captain, but since captains being able to perform weddings at see is an entirely fictional concept with no basis in law I figure it works out). Plus he's Bill Murray! Who wouldn't want to hang out with him? The dude's a legend! Gareth

4. The first person I thought of was Billy Corgan. Then I thought...do I want a bit of a moaning minnie marrying me? No. Also I'd really want to be married by a woman and I want the day to be fun, who'd make it fun? Probably Kathleen Hanna, she could do one of her cheerleader dancing style moves when we said I do. No scratch that, Kim Gordon, so wise, so sincere. Yeah forget what I said about Kathleen, Kim Gordon. Squeamish Kate

5.
The celebrity I would choose to bide me abstractly and eternally to my lover is dead. But were the actor James Stewart alive he'd be my first choice. he is the most amiable, kind hearted and trustworthy of men and actors like. He's charismatic and attractive but not so attractive that I'd want to run off with him instead of my chosen fella. No matter whether starring in Harvey or Rear Window Old Jimmy Stewart has words of wisdom and would stand and say something utterly wholesome and true about love for sure. Squeamish Nicola
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