We've all been there, walking slowly behind a group of tourists. In fact, we've probably all been that tourist. You know the kind. Obviously 'not from round here', referring to their guidebook and clogging up the pavement, pointing and laughing at some run of the mill shop name or monument that you suddenly feel unusually protective of, or asking you to take their photo please. We definitely want to share our fair city/town/village/hamlet with tourists and for them to enjoy their visit. But... oh, tourists you make us want to punch you in the back of the head sometimes. So, we will give you correct directions and be gracious if you promise to take a look at our tips...
1. I grew up in one seaside town, spent a decade in another as an adult and have also lived in two capital cities. Despite being a fairly mild-mannered person, there have been many occasions when I have wanted to do unspeakably violent things to the people who have come to enjoy the charms of the place I live. yes, I know, it's stunning, but some of us have to work/shop/study/get to a date. I will happily give you directions if I can, or tell you what something is (although it's temptingnot to). But if you stop dead at the top or bottom of an escalator, or in the middle of the pavement, I WILL KILL YOU (I'm British so what I mean is, I WILL glare at you and mutter something under my breath but trust me, socially, it's the same thing). Squeamish Louise
2. All my tourist advice is deeply important as commuters have no time ever, they need to get somewhere and YOU'RE IN THEIR BLOODY WAY. So you don't have livid account managers and legal secretaries pushing you down the escalator please do stand on the right side and not the left, that side is for speeding. Also once you get to the bottom of the small stairwell just before you turn onto the platform don't gawp at the map frozen still by it's sheer beauty. You are causing a pile up. How about planning routes in advance, it'll make you London adventure so much easier. Squeamish Nicola
3. Don't take pictures of stupid stuff. Seriously, why are you taking pictures of Starbucks? You have them in your country! Find something unique to the area you are visiting to photograph. And take pictures of it, not a stupid 'selfie' (urgh!) with it out of focus in the background totally obscured by your gormless face. I'm beginning to believe that there's a competition for the most moronic picture taken on holiday. I think a strong contender would be the family I saw standing in from of a sign for the Tower of London, featuring a picture of the very building that was 20 metres to the left, and using that as the backdrop for their pictures!Gareth
4. I seem to have spent my life living in or nearby touristy places. It means when people visit you have a ready-made list of things to visit/do (when I lived in Brussels the main point of action was to take people to be disappointed by the Manneken Pis - it's very small). I currently live in Brighton. Now, I'm going to get a bit 'you kids get off my lawn' on you, but tourists (or Londoners) when you come to visit the beach please don't leave your rubbish strewn across the pebbles for the seagulls to pick at. It's disgusting and makes me want to punch you in the back of your filthy, filthy heads. Take your litter home. Squeamish Kate
5. Being the tourist no one loves to hate is actually pretty simple: behave as you would at home. Don't walk six abreast down the pavement, don't stop suddenly to take photos and let the rest of the foot traffic run into you, don't assume that no one understands you being rude in your mother tongue... And number one? Don't join a group that forces you all into wearing matching backpacks and baseball caps. Everyone hates them. Everyone. F1Kate
2. All my tourist advice is deeply important as commuters have no time ever, they need to get somewhere and YOU'RE IN THEIR BLOODY WAY. So you don't have livid account managers and legal secretaries pushing you down the escalator please do stand on the right side and not the left, that side is for speeding. Also once you get to the bottom of the small stairwell just before you turn onto the platform don't gawp at the map frozen still by it's sheer beauty. You are causing a pile up. How about planning routes in advance, it'll make you London adventure so much easier. Squeamish Nicola
3. Don't take pictures of stupid stuff. Seriously, why are you taking pictures of Starbucks? You have them in your country! Find something unique to the area you are visiting to photograph. And take pictures of it, not a stupid 'selfie' (urgh!) with it out of focus in the background totally obscured by your gormless face. I'm beginning to believe that there's a competition for the most moronic picture taken on holiday. I think a strong contender would be the family I saw standing in from of a sign for the Tower of London, featuring a picture of the very building that was 20 metres to the left, and using that as the backdrop for their pictures!Gareth
4. I seem to have spent my life living in or nearby touristy places. It means when people visit you have a ready-made list of things to visit/do (when I lived in Brussels the main point of action was to take people to be disappointed by the Manneken Pis - it's very small). I currently live in Brighton. Now, I'm going to get a bit 'you kids get off my lawn' on you, but tourists (or Londoners) when you come to visit the beach please don't leave your rubbish strewn across the pebbles for the seagulls to pick at. It's disgusting and makes me want to punch you in the back of your filthy, filthy heads. Take your litter home. Squeamish Kate
5. Being the tourist no one loves to hate is actually pretty simple: behave as you would at home. Don't walk six abreast down the pavement, don't stop suddenly to take photos and let the rest of the foot traffic run into you, don't assume that no one understands you being rude in your mother tongue... And number one? Don't join a group that forces you all into wearing matching backpacks and baseball caps. Everyone hates them. Everyone. F1Kate
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