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Friday 5...Tips to shake off slimy gits

29/3/2013

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Hurrah! Not only is it Friday but we have a long weekend ahead of us. Ah an extra day over what is usually a dairy heavy weekend of celebration. You probably have plans to give and receive egg-shaped chocolate, or carob if you are so inclined. There is also the probability that you plan to go out and about. At night. In the dark. To places that sell alcohol.

Perhaps you go to these places to meet new people or maybe your plan is purely to scheme evil schemes with your comrades over a pint of real ale. Unfortunately either plan can be interrupted by that most persistent of creatures, the slimy git. They live in a world where no means 'probably, why don't you continue on your charm offensive and see how it goes...' to shake them off is tough, but it can be done. We share our tips.

Of course nothing beats the greatest tip of all... don't be a slimy git.

1. Call security - The problem with slimy gits is that they're the ones who make it so hard for genuine people to break through all of our carefully constructed social barriers. You're on a night out with a friend, having a conversation about something deeply personal, when the SG approaches. 'I'm sorry, but we're having a really important conversation. I don't mean to be rude, but could you please just leave us to it?' The genuine person would apologise and back away, with the result that I might seek them out later on, when it's appropriate and if I was interested. But the SG will just hang about like a barnacle, pushing and pushing their way in. Once a true SG has been identified, your sliding scale of options starts with you asking them to leave you alone, and ends with finding a suitable authority figure - a bouncer, venue manager, security guard, or police officer - and explaining that you're being subjected to repeated unwanted contact despite having asked the SG to piss off. It's amazing just how often the SG will let it get that far before they finally get the point... F1Kate

2. Put a towel on your head - Out of all of my friends I am the worst at getting rid of sleazy men. I feel this is one of my worst traits. I wish I wasn't hard wired to be polite to the point of involuntary smiling while someone encroaches on my personal space while talking utter tosh. The only time this ability I lack so badly kicks in is when I really desperately don't want to see the guy. I had been pursued by the boy next door for about 7 years. I was now 14. He came to visit me. My mum answered then door, came up the stairs and told me who it was. I bolted to to the cupboard. I then arrived at the door with a towel wrapped around me head and explained I couldn't go anywhere with him because I was in the middle of washing my hair. It worked. This was sitcom level bad avoidance tactics but like I said, it's not my forte! Squeamish Nicola

3. No hablo Ingles - I've found wearing headphones has resulted in my thinking street harassment was a thing of the past. Once I felt a tap on my shoulder and a sulky man asked if I always wore my headphones. He'd been trailing me for ages asking me for a drink but LALALA can't hear you. Often I have to be extra unwelcoming because I spend a lot of time with Squeamish Nicola, who is the kindest person ever and smiles widely as she informs the man encroaching on her personal space she's not interested thank you very, very much. If I'm alone I will usually just reply: 'Sorry I don't speak English.' Squeamish Kate

4. Feign proximity to disease - I once told a bloke I wasn't interested in that I worked in a leprosy unit. He still didn't budge. All he said was: “is that that thing Jesus had?” Becky Shepherd

5. Start with the water works - A power hose and some concentrated fairy liquid. Squeamish Louise
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