The Huffington Post says a thing called 'Breastaurants' are on the rise. What's a breastaurant? Oh you. The Huffington Post describes them as a "booming niche in the beleaguered restaurant industry known as "breastaurants," or sports bars that feature scantily clad waitresses."
Previously Hooters stood alone, towering above other sports bars (which is why their waitresses wear day-glo orange hotpants -you will never see a Hooters waitress's real pants.) Hooters is still number 1, but bringing up the rear (sorry, SORRY) are breastaurants Twin Peaks, Tilted Kilts and... Mugs N Jugs.
Squeamish Bikini would like to open up our own chain of family breastaurants. Here are our ideas for themes, by all means vote for your favourite or suggest others in the comment section below or on our Twitter...
Previously Hooters stood alone, towering above other sports bars (which is why their waitresses wear day-glo orange hotpants -you will never see a Hooters waitress's real pants.) Hooters is still number 1, but bringing up the rear (sorry, SORRY) are breastaurants Twin Peaks, Tilted Kilts and... Mugs N Jugs.
Squeamish Bikini would like to open up our own chain of family breastaurants. Here are our ideas for themes, by all means vote for your favourite or suggest others in the comment section below or on our Twitter...
1. Meals in space - I have no idea why no one has come up with the idea of decking a restaurant out like the inside of a spaceship - zero grazity optional, but make sure it's spartan and cramped - and serving freeze-dried food while projecting stars onto the walls. Seeing as the no gravity bit is a bit tricky, perhaps they could put you in one of those machines they use for astronaut training before you enter. Although that's likely to make you feel rather ill, so perhaps not the best route for an eatery... Can I have more time to think about this?
Squeamish Louise
2. (If this is too odd I understand) TOYLAND! - I am going to put my neck out and go out on a major niche geek toy theme here. I'm thinking back to when you had those massive sinks in playgrounds. They were filled with toys like buckets, spades, plastic ships that couldn't stay afloat. But the best giant play sinks were the ones that had the water wheels. I want to go to a restaurant the soup of the day is poured through these to my table. A bit like when they wheel some giant ham over to you table pour alcohol on it and set it alight [I have to say... I don't know what these sinks are and I have never witnesses a ham be set alight! We need to hang out more - Squeamish Kate]. Your main course will be peas in a wooden maze that you have to get out before you can eat. Your whole chicken will be the landscape of a toy soldier battle and when you receive the bill an after dinner mint will roll down a marble run that spans the entire restaurant going through twirly downward spirals and zig zag pathways until it end up on the tiny little plate next to you receipt. Squeamish Nicola
3. Restaurant lite - I would have a diet-friendly restaurant, filled with all the delicious foods you're not allowed when on a diet, and I would serve them in bite-sized portions. Mini things sell really well, my costs would be super-low thanks to portion size, but I could get away with charging reasonably high prices as it's a concept, dahlink. Plus it'd be really easy to get publicity - one quick moan to the Daily Fail about the obesity crisis, and you'd be on the sidebar of shame in no time. F1 Kate
4. Educating Rita - Condiments would be hidden under the floorboards, like Rita's secret contraceptive pill stash. The waiting staff would correct your pronunciation as you order then present you with a meal the believe would be more beneficial to you. Payment is made in the form of a 1000 word critique of the food and service. If your essay is rubbish you have to do the washing up. Squeamish Sue
5. Anti-Sports bar - I did consider a pug restaurant, I think their flat heads rather lend themselves to coaster hats on which to serve drinks to your table. But that may prove impractical. But here's something I often this is a massive, massive gap in the market - anti sports bars, or rather pubs. Come Wimbledon, football season(s), or the Olympics pub after pub seems to wheel TVs in, mount screens on their walls and wrestle with projectors. All so they can boast that they are showing the game/match/race today, resulting in me traipsing round town searching for a watering hole that doesn't have a TV. It sincerely baffles me that in all my pub/bar going days I have never seen an establishment boasting: "We don't have a TV, you'll have to entertain yourselves". Publicans, I'd like that. Or the pug thing. Squeamish Kate
Squeamish Louise
2. (If this is too odd I understand) TOYLAND! - I am going to put my neck out and go out on a major niche geek toy theme here. I'm thinking back to when you had those massive sinks in playgrounds. They were filled with toys like buckets, spades, plastic ships that couldn't stay afloat. But the best giant play sinks were the ones that had the water wheels. I want to go to a restaurant the soup of the day is poured through these to my table. A bit like when they wheel some giant ham over to you table pour alcohol on it and set it alight [I have to say... I don't know what these sinks are and I have never witnesses a ham be set alight! We need to hang out more - Squeamish Kate]. Your main course will be peas in a wooden maze that you have to get out before you can eat. Your whole chicken will be the landscape of a toy soldier battle and when you receive the bill an after dinner mint will roll down a marble run that spans the entire restaurant going through twirly downward spirals and zig zag pathways until it end up on the tiny little plate next to you receipt. Squeamish Nicola
3. Restaurant lite - I would have a diet-friendly restaurant, filled with all the delicious foods you're not allowed when on a diet, and I would serve them in bite-sized portions. Mini things sell really well, my costs would be super-low thanks to portion size, but I could get away with charging reasonably high prices as it's a concept, dahlink. Plus it'd be really easy to get publicity - one quick moan to the Daily Fail about the obesity crisis, and you'd be on the sidebar of shame in no time. F1 Kate
4. Educating Rita - Condiments would be hidden under the floorboards, like Rita's secret contraceptive pill stash. The waiting staff would correct your pronunciation as you order then present you with a meal the believe would be more beneficial to you. Payment is made in the form of a 1000 word critique of the food and service. If your essay is rubbish you have to do the washing up. Squeamish Sue
5. Anti-Sports bar - I did consider a pug restaurant, I think their flat heads rather lend themselves to coaster hats on which to serve drinks to your table. But that may prove impractical. But here's something I often this is a massive, massive gap in the market - anti sports bars, or rather pubs. Come Wimbledon, football season(s), or the Olympics pub after pub seems to wheel TVs in, mount screens on their walls and wrestle with projectors. All so they can boast that they are showing the game/match/race today, resulting in me traipsing round town searching for a watering hole that doesn't have a TV. It sincerely baffles me that in all my pub/bar going days I have never seen an establishment boasting: "We don't have a TV, you'll have to entertain yourselves". Publicans, I'd like that. Or the pug thing. Squeamish Kate
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