Anyone else going a sexy settee this year?
Last year we were baffled by Halloween fancy dress shops encouragement of sexy costumes, if we may quote ourselves: “You would think the rule would be ‘You can be anything you want, just make it dead’ but it appears the rule is actually ‘you can be anything you want, just make it sexy.” When we said 'anything you want' we meant within the plausible realms of Halloweeny, a sexy spider, sexy skeleton, sexy Freddie Krueger and sexy Marie Antoinette (she's dead!) - the sexy ladybird threw us a little but hey, beetles are unnerving when they scuttle.
This year the rules have been thrown out the window, stomped on and laughed at. It's Halloween, live the freaky dream! You can be anything you want – just makes it sexy and when we say anything we mean ANYTHING. Sexy Bert and Ernie, sexy Big Bird, sexy Finding Nemo. In fact it would be ODD to go as a sexy witch. Instead of being baffled we have come up with some other things you can make sexy this All Hallows' Eve.
This year the rules have been thrown out the window, stomped on and laughed at. It's Halloween, live the freaky dream! You can be anything you want – just makes it sexy and when we say anything we mean ANYTHING. Sexy Bert and Ernie, sexy Big Bird, sexy Finding Nemo. In fact it would be ODD to go as a sexy witch. Instead of being baffled we have come up with some other things you can make sexy this All Hallows' Eve.
1. Really, there's only one place I can go with this. It's 2pm. It's a sunny Sunday afternoon somewhere vaguely exotic. You're surrounded by engineers, photographers, film crews, and women in skimpy outfits holding giant flags. You're on the Formula One grid, wearing your sexy race car suit. Oh yes - those nipped in waists, sculpted sidepods, and airflow vents? Pure sex, baby. Just slip into something a little more carbon fibrey while I apply these sponsors' logos to your rear-wing endplate and let's see you all fired up. Phwoar! F1 Kate
2. When I was 9 I had a better social life and I remember going to Sophie Watson's Halloween party - the place to be each year. One of her friend's was dressed as a pumpkin. Her mum has gone all out. This thing was padded, it was 3-D orange panels, had a Jack-o-lantern face and had green leaves and vines popping out of her hair. I was in awe; how I longed to be a giant pumpkin who could just about fit through the front door... Fast forward to 2012 where the pumpkins look like the polyester puff ball prom dresses of the 80's and your boobs are the only 3-D part about it - 3-D leaf boobs. No trouble fitting through doors in this faceless, scareless satin finish mess. Squeamish Nicola
3. What's sexier than knowledge? That's right, nothing.But I feel like the 'sexy scientist' and 'sexy librarian' cards have been a little overplayed. What I'd really like to be is a sexy book. Leather cover, gilt edged... ooh baby, crack my spine!* Squeamish Louise
*If you crack my spine I'll never lend you another book.
4. If you kind of squint through rose-tinted glasses you can maybe think of this as the democratisation of Halloween. For those who don't enjoy being frightened (me) so never watch Horror. Ever. Apart from one time accidentally in Wellington, NZ when I joined some people going to see House of 1000 Corpses under the false impression it would be camp. It was not camp. Dressing up as anything you fancy and jollying it up further by trying to make it alluring is far more appealing than trying to be scary. In fact, whilst you're at it, why not make yourself useful. How about Sexy White Goods? Sexy washing machine with foamy peep holes? Sexy fridge with light up door flaps? Sexy tumble dryer with boiling hot portholes over your bosom? Squeamish Kate
5. I'll try to think of something but reality is so bizarre I don't think I can do it. [later] I tried to come up with an impossible sexy costume, but they've all been done! If you think of a costume that cannot/should not be made into a sexy version give me 15 minutes and access to Google and I'll prove that someone has already done it. Gareth
2. When I was 9 I had a better social life and I remember going to Sophie Watson's Halloween party - the place to be each year. One of her friend's was dressed as a pumpkin. Her mum has gone all out. This thing was padded, it was 3-D orange panels, had a Jack-o-lantern face and had green leaves and vines popping out of her hair. I was in awe; how I longed to be a giant pumpkin who could just about fit through the front door... Fast forward to 2012 where the pumpkins look like the polyester puff ball prom dresses of the 80's and your boobs are the only 3-D part about it - 3-D leaf boobs. No trouble fitting through doors in this faceless, scareless satin finish mess. Squeamish Nicola
3. What's sexier than knowledge? That's right, nothing.But I feel like the 'sexy scientist' and 'sexy librarian' cards have been a little overplayed. What I'd really like to be is a sexy book. Leather cover, gilt edged... ooh baby, crack my spine!* Squeamish Louise
*If you crack my spine I'll never lend you another book.
4. If you kind of squint through rose-tinted glasses you can maybe think of this as the democratisation of Halloween. For those who don't enjoy being frightened (me) so never watch Horror. Ever. Apart from one time accidentally in Wellington, NZ when I joined some people going to see House of 1000 Corpses under the false impression it would be camp. It was not camp. Dressing up as anything you fancy and jollying it up further by trying to make it alluring is far more appealing than trying to be scary. In fact, whilst you're at it, why not make yourself useful. How about Sexy White Goods? Sexy washing machine with foamy peep holes? Sexy fridge with light up door flaps? Sexy tumble dryer with boiling hot portholes over your bosom? Squeamish Kate
5. I'll try to think of something but reality is so bizarre I don't think I can do it. [later] I tried to come up with an impossible sexy costume, but they've all been done! If you think of a costume that cannot/should not be made into a sexy version give me 15 minutes and access to Google and I'll prove that someone has already done it. Gareth
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