So there we have it, call him Santa Claus or Father Christmas or whatever, the only thing we have really been wondering about is what race Santa is. That matters more than the travelling round the world in a night thing, the present thing, the whole living in the North Pole or, as the Dutch would have you believe, Spain (phh) or any other Santa mysteries. Coke settled the uniform thing ages ago and now Fox News Anchor Megyn Kelly has settled the race question. "Santa just IS white. Santa is what he is. I just wanted to get that straight."Thanks Megs, so what else do we know about Father Christmas?
1. By my reckoning, in order to deliver presents all over the world in the 32ish hours he's got (due to time zones) and still have time to scoff down all those mince pies Santa has travel at over 7000miles per hour. That mean he's travelling at Hypervelocity! At that speed metal starts behaving like a liquid and the air resistance would cause a mere mortal to spontaneously combust. No wonder Rudolph's nose glows! Gareth
2. Sadly I know very little about Father Christmas apart form the little nugget of pop culture that Santa used to have some green clothes on until Coca Cola got there red corporate hands on him. I very innocently believed for a long time, that if I went to sleep at a reasonable time on Christmas Eve, Father Christmas would very quietly come into my room and leave me a stocking at the end of my bed. Stockings are the BEST bit! Squeamish Nicola
3. FACT: Santa Claus (AKA Father Christmas, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA St Niklaus, also known to use other aliases) is a criminal. First, he goes by way too many names for anyone on the level. Second,he is celebrated in song as a Peeping Tom, who is so involved in the lives of those he watches that he knows when they're asleep, awake, bad, or good. Third, he regularly - and famously! - sneaks into the bedrooms of sleeping and vulnerable children. Fourth, while he is not a burglar, he does commit breaking and entering on a grand scale every single year. That's before we even get into his poor elf employment practices, and the woeful mistreatment of Rudolf. PUNISH HIM!!! F1Kate
4. Santa does not like milk and cookies and is very upset that this is what so many Americans leave out for him every year. He doesn't even really like mince pies. But he LOVES sherry and if you forget to leave some out for him he will feed one of your presents to one of his reindeer (usually Blitzen). FACT Squeamish Louise
5. Santa is kind of passive aggressive and tries to split families up and rip siblings apart. For the past few years Santa has written my big sister a letter telling her how good she has been, last year in fact she was told she was on the 'golden list'. This year nothing, zilch. For her. Me? I got a letter, that says he recalls me touching unopened presents inappropriately (I never did such a thing) and that I am grudging about my chores (I'm a bloody ray of sunshine) but I will always be on his "nice" list. Sarcastic grammar and all. "Thanks" Santa. Squeamish Kate
2. Sadly I know very little about Father Christmas apart form the little nugget of pop culture that Santa used to have some green clothes on until Coca Cola got there red corporate hands on him. I very innocently believed for a long time, that if I went to sleep at a reasonable time on Christmas Eve, Father Christmas would very quietly come into my room and leave me a stocking at the end of my bed. Stockings are the BEST bit! Squeamish Nicola
3. FACT: Santa Claus (AKA Father Christmas, AKA Kris Kringle, AKA St Niklaus, also known to use other aliases) is a criminal. First, he goes by way too many names for anyone on the level. Second,he is celebrated in song as a Peeping Tom, who is so involved in the lives of those he watches that he knows when they're asleep, awake, bad, or good. Third, he regularly - and famously! - sneaks into the bedrooms of sleeping and vulnerable children. Fourth, while he is not a burglar, he does commit breaking and entering on a grand scale every single year. That's before we even get into his poor elf employment practices, and the woeful mistreatment of Rudolf. PUNISH HIM!!! F1Kate
4. Santa does not like milk and cookies and is very upset that this is what so many Americans leave out for him every year. He doesn't even really like mince pies. But he LOVES sherry and if you forget to leave some out for him he will feed one of your presents to one of his reindeer (usually Blitzen). FACT Squeamish Louise
5. Santa is kind of passive aggressive and tries to split families up and rip siblings apart. For the past few years Santa has written my big sister a letter telling her how good she has been, last year in fact she was told she was on the 'golden list'. This year nothing, zilch. For her. Me? I got a letter, that says he recalls me touching unopened presents inappropriately (I never did such a thing) and that I am grudging about my chores (I'm a bloody ray of sunshine) but I will always be on his "nice" list. Sarcastic grammar and all. "Thanks" Santa. Squeamish Kate
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