None of us at Squeamish Bikini Towers have the pleasure (yet) of moonlighting as perfume namers. Perusing the perfume department suggests this is a fun, creative and increasingly challenging job. It seems perfume marketing departments have been reaching for their thesaurus and searching for words that seem like they might smell nice. And change your life of course. At a guess perfumers are trying to tap into a market that can only be described as the fragrantly belligerent demographic, how else do you explain perfumes called Insolence, Fracas, Manifesto and Unforgiveable?
Because we all know you are not a woman (or man) until you have found that signature scent (no it can't be body odour) we are striving to create (you don't make stuff in the beauty world) possible signature scents for you, dear readers. Something that with one whiff a complete stranger will be able to sum you up by. Here's what we've come up with...
Because we all know you are not a woman (or man) until you have found that signature scent (no it can't be body odour) we are striving to create (you don't make stuff in the beauty world) possible signature scents for you, dear readers. Something that with one whiff a complete stranger will be able to sum you up by. Here's what we've come up with...
1. Schrödinger's (Mus)kat: Dead or Alive You Are Covered In Me. Do you ever run out of the house and then worry that you've forgotten to put on any deodorant? Well this is the musk for you. It exists at the quantum level and until someone sticks their nose into your oxters to investigate (or perhaps to check out your awesome armpit moustache) you don’t know if it has worked or not! Potentially available in a range of scents, but mainly grape. Gareth
2. As all good perfumes are not really selling you a smell but an aspirational wonderland of wealth, health, glamour and happiness I would have to name my signature perfume with a word that encompasses the finer, yet abstract, things in life: Razzmatazz! - "You're more than Jazz" This catchy yet confusing tag line would ensure that anyone who actually said they didn't get it would be shunned by the cool elite who cockily pretend they totally get it. Dousing themselves in the sexually fierce and heady mix of Tiger Lily and Razzberry (see what I did there). The four z's in the name, I would explain when selling my perfume on TV infomercials, is an homage to my love of sleep! Squeamish Nicola
3. My favourite idea for a perfume – one that smells like a second-hand bookshop – has already been taken (and yet I still don't own any of this, hint hint). But what about a scent that doesn’t just make you smell like a book, but makes you into an open book? Palpable – for those evenings when the introverted or socially anxious among us don’t want to have to bother explaining how we’re feeling.
It feels like I often read about how smells can bypass our conscious mind and transport us somewhere else. So how good would it be to have a scent that could bypass all the awkward social niceties and small talk that make some of us curl up our toes and cringe ... splash on some Palpable and everyone will be able to tell what mood you’re in, what topics you want to talk about, and what should be avoided. In the mood to flirt? You’ll meet other flirts. Want to have a serious conversation about the origins of the universe? The right person will come to you. Squeamish Louise
4. Employable. I see former child star, I see late arrivals on set, I see gratuitous nudity, I see insurance issues. I'm basically designing a perfume for Linday Lohan to shill, but in a recession I can see Job Centre subsidising this scent. It smells of reliability and new leaves. Squeamish Kate
5. Skidmark: is that burning rubber I smell, or did you just shit yourself? For men who want the olfactory racing experience. F1 Kate
2. As all good perfumes are not really selling you a smell but an aspirational wonderland of wealth, health, glamour and happiness I would have to name my signature perfume with a word that encompasses the finer, yet abstract, things in life: Razzmatazz! - "You're more than Jazz" This catchy yet confusing tag line would ensure that anyone who actually said they didn't get it would be shunned by the cool elite who cockily pretend they totally get it. Dousing themselves in the sexually fierce and heady mix of Tiger Lily and Razzberry (see what I did there). The four z's in the name, I would explain when selling my perfume on TV infomercials, is an homage to my love of sleep! Squeamish Nicola
3. My favourite idea for a perfume – one that smells like a second-hand bookshop – has already been taken (and yet I still don't own any of this, hint hint). But what about a scent that doesn’t just make you smell like a book, but makes you into an open book? Palpable – for those evenings when the introverted or socially anxious among us don’t want to have to bother explaining how we’re feeling.
It feels like I often read about how smells can bypass our conscious mind and transport us somewhere else. So how good would it be to have a scent that could bypass all the awkward social niceties and small talk that make some of us curl up our toes and cringe ... splash on some Palpable and everyone will be able to tell what mood you’re in, what topics you want to talk about, and what should be avoided. In the mood to flirt? You’ll meet other flirts. Want to have a serious conversation about the origins of the universe? The right person will come to you. Squeamish Louise
4. Employable. I see former child star, I see late arrivals on set, I see gratuitous nudity, I see insurance issues. I'm basically designing a perfume for Linday Lohan to shill, but in a recession I can see Job Centre subsidising this scent. It smells of reliability and new leaves. Squeamish Kate
5. Skidmark: is that burning rubber I smell, or did you just shit yourself? For men who want the olfactory racing experience. F1 Kate
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