Ah physical education. PE. It was always the big divider at school between those who hated it and those who liked it/found it a convenient skive. Usually when PE gets a mention in the news it is regarding the amount of hours dedicated (or not dedicated) to it in the curriculum or how to encourage fitness in our yoof. This time PE is on the agenda because rounders, rounders, has been quietly pulled from the GCSE curriculum by the Department of Education. The Telegraph has declared this a tragedy for those who hate sport and possibly discouragement for girls in PE class. We come up with some activities to replace rounders...
1. When I was 10 I got out of six months of gym by claiming to be pregnant. I got in a lot of trouble when the lie was discovered, but it was worth it. I hated gym. In terms of physical activity, I swear by the holy trinity of walking, dancing, and shagging. That last element may not be practical in a school environment, but if my PE classes had involved, lights, lasers, MDMA, and pounding pounding techno music, I would have been the most cardio-fit student ever. Let's just ignore what my insides would have looked like, shall we? F1Kate
2. You do not know hell until you have been sent to a sporty school when you are not sporty. My school had numerous gyms and when I left was in the process of building two more. Anything that required co-ordination with a ball and a team I couldn't do. I was in fact banned from tennis so piss-poor was I. And then to add insult to injury I had to have my young lungs assaulted twice a week by clouds of Impulse and So..? (nobody showered at my school.) Of course it is tradition that the last week of term is kind of a write off. In most classes you either do a fun quiz, a little revision session or watch a poor choice of film. In PE what is the fun, celebratory break from the norm? Rounders. Everybody would cheer. Everyone. Even the smokers. Traitors. Rounders is my nightmare. Getting picked last for the team. Not hitting the ball with the TINY stick. Not catching the ball as a fielder (fielders weren't allowed to go far because I guess that would ruin the FUN we were all having). Rounders can burn. What I suggest is hula hooping. And cubicles. Squeamish Kate
3. I will miss rounders as it was an opportunity for me and my best friend Kelly to offer to play field position. Which meant standing far out on the grass and hoping no one managed to hit the ball in our direction. If I could go back I'd have enjoyed playing basketball. We were only allowed to play netball, a truly dumb sport in which when you catch the ball you can't move, you can only turn in a frantic circle like one of your feet is glued to the floor. A poor girl's basketball. Squeamish Nicola
4. Seeing as I used to bunk off PE every week to either get stoned in the nearby woods or head into town and drink, the answer seems to be some sort of mind-altering substance. I'm not sure they really combine with sports though. Maybe they should just have given us all two pills each, set up some strobe lights in the gym, and got a big dancey rave on. That sounds like a responsible way to act if you're in charge of a bunch of teenagers right?Squeamish Louise
2. You do not know hell until you have been sent to a sporty school when you are not sporty. My school had numerous gyms and when I left was in the process of building two more. Anything that required co-ordination with a ball and a team I couldn't do. I was in fact banned from tennis so piss-poor was I. And then to add insult to injury I had to have my young lungs assaulted twice a week by clouds of Impulse and So..? (nobody showered at my school.) Of course it is tradition that the last week of term is kind of a write off. In most classes you either do a fun quiz, a little revision session or watch a poor choice of film. In PE what is the fun, celebratory break from the norm? Rounders. Everybody would cheer. Everyone. Even the smokers. Traitors. Rounders is my nightmare. Getting picked last for the team. Not hitting the ball with the TINY stick. Not catching the ball as a fielder (fielders weren't allowed to go far because I guess that would ruin the FUN we were all having). Rounders can burn. What I suggest is hula hooping. And cubicles. Squeamish Kate
3. I will miss rounders as it was an opportunity for me and my best friend Kelly to offer to play field position. Which meant standing far out on the grass and hoping no one managed to hit the ball in our direction. If I could go back I'd have enjoyed playing basketball. We were only allowed to play netball, a truly dumb sport in which when you catch the ball you can't move, you can only turn in a frantic circle like one of your feet is glued to the floor. A poor girl's basketball. Squeamish Nicola
4. Seeing as I used to bunk off PE every week to either get stoned in the nearby woods or head into town and drink, the answer seems to be some sort of mind-altering substance. I'm not sure they really combine with sports though. Maybe they should just have given us all two pills each, set up some strobe lights in the gym, and got a big dancey rave on. That sounds like a responsible way to act if you're in charge of a bunch of teenagers right?Squeamish Louise
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