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Friday 5...New Careers for Louise Mensch

10/8/2012

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Louise Mensch. We thought she had been a bit quiet, turns out she's fallen back on the long established musician's favourite free publicity machine. Retiring. These musicians have one last goodbye tour. Another 'I mean it this time' goodbye tour. Then the final 'No, really' goodbye tour. Whilst Mensch will not be touring Corby with a microphone, pyrotechnics and tears in her eyes she will be continuing the musician theme by trying to break America.

Once Mensch has recovered from the upset of disappointing Edwina Currie what will she do? Mensch has given the reason that she can't balance Westminster life with raising a family, having chosen not to take Currie's advice to quit whining and get the help in. But Mensch doesn't seem the type to settle down to a Wisteria Lane housewife life. We had a think about what Louise might do if money's too tight to menschn.

1. What will Louise Mensch do next? God only knows. But considering that so far she's worked A&R in the music industry, has published a metric f*ck-tonne of novels (fans of chick lit, I heartily recommend Desire, which is a trashy and fun romp in true bonkbuster style, but with added danger! and betrayal! and DRAMA!), become an MP, and been Murdochly-inquisitive, I think it's safe to say she won't sit around filing her nails. Nope, I think she'll be touring VCs in an attempt to get Menshn off the ground - why do you think she announced its creation two months before she announced she'd be standing down? And when Menshn goes nowhere? More novels. F1Kate

2. She's moving to be with her husband, who manages rock bands including the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and Metallica. Louise used to work in the music industry in the 80s, so it's tempting to assume she might get involved in the music business again. But behind the scenes isn't really her style. Perhaps we should brace ourselves for the imminent launch of Mensch: the band. Squeamish Louise

3. Mensch will probably become a TV pundit for Fox - an attractive blonde right-wing woman with a 'cute' accent would effortlessly slide into any of their shows. They'll lap her up in America and Murdoch owes her a favour for so comprehensively derailing the media select committee during her 'grilling' (it was more of a blanching) of him. Gareth

4. I think Louise Mensch just wanted a bit of a break from the stuffy old House of Commons. Looking at all that mahogany and those ghastly green leather seats was doing her head in. She needed out from those four walls piled full of aging men, the aging men she longed for were on the road! Secretly she's been planning her escape to the new world to tour with Metallica. She would be the best roadie they'd ever had, not only lugging amps but ensuring no wind farms are built on the stage. Louise may be hitting the Big Apple first but the Mensch family will be like the the Osbournes in the 80s before we know it. She's putting her experience from the Culture, Media and Sport Committee to use, she's just going to drop the sport in favour of Rock! Squeamish Nicola

5. Mommy blogger. Move over Gwyneth Paltrow with your Goop and your affordable crisp white shirts to mother in. Mensch is in town with crisper white shirts, more children, more highlights and Metallica, who I suspect could take Coldplay if it came down to it. Working mums will soon have a new definitive resource to make them feel inferior. Squeamish Kate
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