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Friday 5...Man Pleasing

15/3/2013

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Pyjamas - check, sandwich - check.
All the women's magazines are doing it, Louise Mensch is doing it, S&BJ day focuses entirely upon it and so we thought we should get in on this revolutionary action too. Yes, it's true. We have taken that path and started to wonder how best to please men. For some it's a case of bloody steak after women got all the attention on Valentine's Day. For those of the Tory persuasion it is a simply case of knowing when you're too old to reveal your knees. Mass publications continue to be baffled.

What is the secret to keeping the (allegedly) hairier sex happy? How can we possibly find out what makes the former residents of Mars tick? We have decided to investigate this – in the traditional list format favoured upon this day and by women's magazines when dealing with such tricky subjects. We know this much – it's certainly not a case of just talking to them. Get ready, prepare yourself for becoming irresistible...

1. The men, or should I say boys, I used to go for were all very musical. They played guitar or sang in bands and I fancied them all! All they had to do was sing/mumble/scream into a microphone and I wanted them. The best way to enhance the size of their egos was to ask them to play their music to me as I looked interested (note: I do actually like a wide a varied range of music but this had nothing to do with the job in hand) I'd nod along say: "I liked that guitar solo!" and "That sounds a bit like Television" or "Oh, what a interesting lyric - did you write that? Oh you did? Deeeeeep!" I dated a guy in a death metal band and when I revealed I only came to the gigs before we were going out because I fancied him, he was truly sad. It just shows how believable my man pleasing can be when I want them to please me. Squeamish Nicola

2. I'm actually a little uncomfortable writing a suggestion for this - you never see tips for men to please women. Why should women change their wardrobe, behaviour or lifestyle to attract or keep men? That said, you really can't go wrong with the offer a bacon sandwich every now and then. Gareth

3. If I knew...I probably would continue not to do it. I was always very confused by the slightly breathless What Men Really Want! articles in women's magazines. It was always a case of not being fashionistas, not wearing make up, not hanging out in a group and certain alcoholic beverages being intimidating. I seem to recall beer being too laddish and red wine too sophisticated. What men want is for women to hang around alone, bare faced and in their pyjamas nursing a glass of white wine. Squeamish Kate

4. I have many wonderful men in my life, which is part luck, part deliberate strategy. There are different ways of pleasing each of them - one is always happy if I make him a cuppa while I'm making myself one. Another is pleased if I call him to discuss his latest article. The one I live with seems to be made happy by me picking my socks off up the bedroom floor and taking the rubbish out for a change instead of waiting for him to do it, but that may say more about my domestic habits than how to please him. There does, however, seem to be one thing I do that all the men in my life really like. Basically, it involves being myself around them, having intelligent conversations about things, asking for their opinions when I want them, and making sure they listen to people who have more to say than they do on topics they're interested in - from feminism to woodwork.

Men! So easy to please! Squeamish Louise

5. Step 1: learn to love the art of a good blowjob. Step 2: there is no step 2. F1Kate
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