In a surprise move Nadine Dorries has joined the prestigious cast of the ITV show I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! apparently neglecting to inform the Tory party in her rush to begin the jungle adventures. We can rest easy in the knowledge she did take care of her Twitter account in her absence – her daughter has taken over tweeting duties. So, constituents of Mid-Bedfordshire feel free to breathe that sigh of relief - if the upkeep of social networks is your main concern. David Cameron has suspended Nadine Dorries, saying it was “right thing to do”. As if that matters Dave. Either way Dorries is pocketing around £40, 000. A far better punishment would have been to use your Prime Minister weight to select the people Dorries has to share jungle space with. We've actually begin the selection process for you, here are our jungle companions for Dorries...
1. Nadine reckons she's going into the jungle to raise awareness of important debates such as abortion. That being her job, not representing the constituents she's jetting thousands of miles away from. So I'd like to put someone in who will take her on her word and argue. Problem is, the feminists I love I wouldn't like to send to the jungle. So I nominate Germaine Greer. She's already done the reality TV thing, and used the same BS excuse of wanting to use it as a platform. So let's send them both to the bush to argue, and the rest of us can turn off our TVs. Squeamish Louise
2. The temptation is to send a bunch of pointless celebrities into the jungle to get rid of them, but I think that's playing into their hands by giving them TV time. I must confess - never having seen the show, I don't know what the point of it is, but I assume it's not intended to be a pleasant experience. So the mean thing to do would be to find a wallflower I don't like and make them suffer indignities live on TV, and I can't think of anyone to fit the bill. Instead, I'm going to pretend you said Room 101 and send all holiday-makers to never-never land. I'm not keen on part-timers clogging up my airports... F1 Kate
3. Who to send to the jungle with Nadine Dorries? Who, who, who? Someone to oppose her at every turn maybe? Cue arguing, cue awkward silences, cue screeching, cue Ant and Dec acting as mediators – using their soothing Geordie accents to calm everyone down. Perhaps using the time PJ was blinded by paint-balls in Byker Grove (remember? Remember?) as an excruciating metaphor for the lack of vision these guys are displaying in their fights. Then they'd all weep and hug. Oh I know who I'd send, all those paint-ball sales people in shopping centres. And possibly the former cast of Byker Grove, 'cos WHERE ARE THEY NOW? I would like to know. Squeamish Kate
4. I don't like this show, but now and again I do end up flicking through channels and seeing a bunch of celebs in t-shirts with their names on the back, slumped in hammocks and sitting on tree trunks looking miserable. Apparently 90% of the time they aren't being forced to rub their faces in bugs even though that's what the show's about. So which D list celeb would I like to see forced to bug it up in the company of Nadine Dorries? Well. Since the only ones I can think of are the ones spawned from these kind of shows. I'd pick Princess Beatrice, she'd pull crazy faces and everyone would be like: 'Why did she do this in the first place?' Squeamish Nicola
5. I'm really not a fan of the show - watching people humiliate themselves on TV isn't entertaining. I'm a Celeb is the sort of bizarre foreign show we should be laughing at on Tarrant On TV, not prime time entertainment on a major channel. I'm just sad that Colin Baker is going to be on the show. It is always sad to see a former Doctor (even a not very good one) fall on hard times.His appearance is especially ironic as perhaps his best story features the Doctor saving a society who has become hooked on watching televised torture. Anyway, who would I send in? How about a celeb who'd actually enjoy it. I recommend Ray Mears. While everyone else was moaning about insect bites and running out of moisturiser he'd just build a house out of a few leaves and a pile of sticks - I'd much rather watch a show called I'm a celebrity and I'm perfectly content to stay in this jungle forever - anyone want to know how to build a fire using nothing but this mushroom and a toothpick? Gareth
2. The temptation is to send a bunch of pointless celebrities into the jungle to get rid of them, but I think that's playing into their hands by giving them TV time. I must confess - never having seen the show, I don't know what the point of it is, but I assume it's not intended to be a pleasant experience. So the mean thing to do would be to find a wallflower I don't like and make them suffer indignities live on TV, and I can't think of anyone to fit the bill. Instead, I'm going to pretend you said Room 101 and send all holiday-makers to never-never land. I'm not keen on part-timers clogging up my airports... F1 Kate
3. Who to send to the jungle with Nadine Dorries? Who, who, who? Someone to oppose her at every turn maybe? Cue arguing, cue awkward silences, cue screeching, cue Ant and Dec acting as mediators – using their soothing Geordie accents to calm everyone down. Perhaps using the time PJ was blinded by paint-balls in Byker Grove (remember? Remember?) as an excruciating metaphor for the lack of vision these guys are displaying in their fights. Then they'd all weep and hug. Oh I know who I'd send, all those paint-ball sales people in shopping centres. And possibly the former cast of Byker Grove, 'cos WHERE ARE THEY NOW? I would like to know. Squeamish Kate
4. I don't like this show, but now and again I do end up flicking through channels and seeing a bunch of celebs in t-shirts with their names on the back, slumped in hammocks and sitting on tree trunks looking miserable. Apparently 90% of the time they aren't being forced to rub their faces in bugs even though that's what the show's about. So which D list celeb would I like to see forced to bug it up in the company of Nadine Dorries? Well. Since the only ones I can think of are the ones spawned from these kind of shows. I'd pick Princess Beatrice, she'd pull crazy faces and everyone would be like: 'Why did she do this in the first place?' Squeamish Nicola
5. I'm really not a fan of the show - watching people humiliate themselves on TV isn't entertaining. I'm a Celeb is the sort of bizarre foreign show we should be laughing at on Tarrant On TV, not prime time entertainment on a major channel. I'm just sad that Colin Baker is going to be on the show. It is always sad to see a former Doctor (even a not very good one) fall on hard times.His appearance is especially ironic as perhaps his best story features the Doctor saving a society who has become hooked on watching televised torture. Anyway, who would I send in? How about a celeb who'd actually enjoy it. I recommend Ray Mears. While everyone else was moaning about insect bites and running out of moisturiser he'd just build a house out of a few leaves and a pile of sticks - I'd much rather watch a show called I'm a celebrity and I'm perfectly content to stay in this jungle forever - anyone want to know how to build a fire using nothing but this mushroom and a toothpick? Gareth
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