In honour of Ada Lovelace Day on Tuesday we have themed this week's Friday 5 on the theme of invention. The daughter of the scandal riven poet Byron, under her mother's guidance Lovelace was educated in science and maths, in order to counter any poetic leanings of Byron's nature. Armed with a scientific education, Lovelace met and began a correspondence with Charles Babbage. Lovelace was fascinated by his work on the difference engine. Babbage admired Lovelace and referred to her as The Enchantress of Numbers. It was their work together that resulted in Ada writing notes on Babbage's analytical engine, in her notes she wrote about an algorithm later recognised as the first algorithm specifically designed for implementation on a computer. Ada Lovelace has since gone down in history as the first computer programmer. This is why we are not listing inventions we admire, in an effort to continue “Analyst (& Metaphysician)” Ada Lovelace's legacy we are listing our personal inventions. Patent pending...
1. You might be sceptical when I tell you I invented an amazing sandwich when I was drunk. But you should be more open-minded, because the power of alcohol can let us see things in news ways (when it's not making us fall over and say stupid shit. Tread with caution).
Lightly toast 2 slices of bread. Then spread peanut butter over one, slather with chilli sauce, top with a load of sliced cheese and put the other slice on top. Microwave until the cheese starts to melt - about 30 seconds. Devour it and tell me I'm wrong. Squeamish Louise
2. I invented myself. Honestly, I did. Sure, you can argue that my parents provided the raw materials - loving these chromosomes! - but the work in progress that stands before you? All me. In my confused and lonely adolescence I drew a template for the woman I'd like to become, and I'm building her brick by brick. I've got the adventurous spirit I always wanted, a fine line in cutting repartee, and a wardrobe fit for any occasion, so long as it's glamorous. There's more to come, I hope. At least there will be unless the plane I am typing this from (business class, baby! and all part of The Grand Plan) crashes and burns. F1 Kate
3. I am pretty inventive but I am not sure I have many inventions to my name. I have re-purposed a lot of items and no longer use them as intended. For instance sanitary towels. Fine for what they were designed for but excellent (and far superior to the actual Dr Scholl et al offerings) as insoles. I sincerely urge you to pop a night time heavy flow sanitary towel in that pair of uncomfortable shoes or boots you struggle to walk in. This insole won't slip and doesn't disintegrate as soon as others. I suppose this is a re-invention. Don't tell Bodyform I do this though, I wouldn't want a video made to teach me a lesson... Squeamish Kate
4. I invented a truly world changing invention a few years back. I call it the Macrowave as it is a reverse microwave (that’s the sort of name you come up with at 15) – it chills things much faster
than a fridge or freezer. It doesn’t require expensive or dangerous chemicals like liquid nitrogen - it is just a device you put you beer or caffeinated beverage of choice in, turn on for 30 seconds and your drink is cool. How does it work (I imagine) I hear you asking? Well that’s simple. Heat is just molecular vibration. The Macrowave emits a ray that retards this movement by extracting the energy. All I need is some engineer to build it and fix some minor problems, like inventing a ray that can slow down molecular vibration, but hey I’m an ideas man – building it is someone else’s problem. Gareth
5. I think because my nursery school friend was an only child, her mum let us do anything we wanted to do, be it film a episode of Neighbours using Barbies, dress up as aliens and build a spaceship in the lounge or, on this occasion, take everything out the kitchen cupboard and mix it together in a giant pot in the garden. We'd done this before a made green and gloopy things, we were keeping it simple this time - white powder stuff and a bit of water, add a bit more white powder - hang on! It's turning into something thick! It's not powder and water any more - it's something I've never seen in my life! This incredible discovery was interrupted by tea time. It dawned on me quite a while later that my new invention...was dough. Squeamish Nicola
Lightly toast 2 slices of bread. Then spread peanut butter over one, slather with chilli sauce, top with a load of sliced cheese and put the other slice on top. Microwave until the cheese starts to melt - about 30 seconds. Devour it and tell me I'm wrong. Squeamish Louise
2. I invented myself. Honestly, I did. Sure, you can argue that my parents provided the raw materials - loving these chromosomes! - but the work in progress that stands before you? All me. In my confused and lonely adolescence I drew a template for the woman I'd like to become, and I'm building her brick by brick. I've got the adventurous spirit I always wanted, a fine line in cutting repartee, and a wardrobe fit for any occasion, so long as it's glamorous. There's more to come, I hope. At least there will be unless the plane I am typing this from (business class, baby! and all part of The Grand Plan) crashes and burns. F1 Kate
3. I am pretty inventive but I am not sure I have many inventions to my name. I have re-purposed a lot of items and no longer use them as intended. For instance sanitary towels. Fine for what they were designed for but excellent (and far superior to the actual Dr Scholl et al offerings) as insoles. I sincerely urge you to pop a night time heavy flow sanitary towel in that pair of uncomfortable shoes or boots you struggle to walk in. This insole won't slip and doesn't disintegrate as soon as others. I suppose this is a re-invention. Don't tell Bodyform I do this though, I wouldn't want a video made to teach me a lesson... Squeamish Kate
4. I invented a truly world changing invention a few years back. I call it the Macrowave as it is a reverse microwave (that’s the sort of name you come up with at 15) – it chills things much faster
than a fridge or freezer. It doesn’t require expensive or dangerous chemicals like liquid nitrogen - it is just a device you put you beer or caffeinated beverage of choice in, turn on for 30 seconds and your drink is cool. How does it work (I imagine) I hear you asking? Well that’s simple. Heat is just molecular vibration. The Macrowave emits a ray that retards this movement by extracting the energy. All I need is some engineer to build it and fix some minor problems, like inventing a ray that can slow down molecular vibration, but hey I’m an ideas man – building it is someone else’s problem. Gareth
5. I think because my nursery school friend was an only child, her mum let us do anything we wanted to do, be it film a episode of Neighbours using Barbies, dress up as aliens and build a spaceship in the lounge or, on this occasion, take everything out the kitchen cupboard and mix it together in a giant pot in the garden. We'd done this before a made green and gloopy things, we were keeping it simple this time - white powder stuff and a bit of water, add a bit more white powder - hang on! It's turning into something thick! It's not powder and water any more - it's something I've never seen in my life! This incredible discovery was interrupted by tea time. It dawned on me quite a while later that my new invention...was dough. Squeamish Nicola
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