Hellooooo Glastonbury Was anyone else slightly surprised, musically jostled even, by the news Mumford and Sons were a headline act at Glastonbury? Rolling Stones? Yes, huge following, massive back-catalogue, makes sense. Mumford and Sons? As one of the Squeamish team who shall remain nameless in fear of a Mumford and Sons fan backlash said: "Mumford and Sons aren't a headline act, they are a 'sitting around in the morning deciding who you are going to see later' act."
As Squeamish Louise (who may or may not have made that Mumford and Sons comment - you will never know and I'll never tell) noted in her Glastonbury article regarding Anya Pearson's women only festival posters: "The results? A lot of blank space. Those sausages take up a lot of room usually it seems. Without them, the few acts progressive enough to realise that ladies can do more than ting a triangle or shimmy their hips struggle to take up enough space to look like more than a printing error." We have come up with some women fronted acts that we would like to see headlining Glastonbury...
As Squeamish Louise (who may or may not have made that Mumford and Sons comment - you will never know and I'll never tell) noted in her Glastonbury article regarding Anya Pearson's women only festival posters: "The results? A lot of blank space. Those sausages take up a lot of room usually it seems. Without them, the few acts progressive enough to realise that ladies can do more than ting a triangle or shimmy their hips struggle to take up enough space to look like more than a printing error." We have come up with some women fronted acts that we would like to see headlining Glastonbury...
1. Siousxie and the Banshees. They're perfect headline material - everyone knows a few of their songs so you'd be able to get some good sing-a-longs going; they've influenced tons of other bands so all the other bands could namecheck/cover them in the run up to the headline act; it's been ages since they toured so the announcement would get plenty of press and fan attention; and they're fronted by one of the coolest women of all time. And I've never seen them live so it would mean I could. Squeamish Louise
2. My main criteria for selecting a main stage act at Glastonbury is spectacle. If 100,000+ people are standing in a muddy field watching you (and several million more watching at home while commiserating their failure to get tickets) you really need to give them a good show. Fireworks, explosions, costumes, and holograms are a must. And nobody has better holograms than Jem & The Holograms. I'm sure they'd have a stage show to remember and probably save the festival from the evil machinations of The Misfits while they were at it! Gareth
3. Being a British festival and quite close to Bristol why not get a singer who cultivated her hip hop career in good old Blighty? This Swedish born was woman heavily involved with the Bristol Urban Culture scene and worked with Massive Attack before bringing out her solo album in 1989. This album was my the soundtrack to my childhood (and possibly now my life!), and since I knew I couldn't sing from an early age, I mimed my heart out to it for years! Neneh Cherry's lyrics, life musings and contagious energy would make her perfect performer for the Glasto stage. Like the title of her album states she's Raw like Sushi. How can you resist?! Squeamish Nicola
4. As far as I can tell, the qualifications for headlining Glastonbury involve (a) being a household name, (b) being fairly MOR and uncontroversial, and (c) no longer being particularly relevant to the world of modern music. So there's only one possible answer - Kate Bush. F1Kate
5. My festival of choice is ATP, where no tent squabbles occur (La Route du Rock: second time a very laidback friend of mine shouted at me - the other time was during a game of cards, Pukkelpop: first time Gareth shouted at me) and you can wash (La Route du Rock – I bathe in the sea, resulting in greasy, salty dreadlocks, Werchter - 2 showers and a bath before I get the greasy dust off). Glastonbury sounds incredibly unappealing to me. However, I could possibly be persuaded if Sleater-Kinney or Bikini Kill were to reform and take the stage. Squeamish Kate
2. My main criteria for selecting a main stage act at Glastonbury is spectacle. If 100,000+ people are standing in a muddy field watching you (and several million more watching at home while commiserating their failure to get tickets) you really need to give them a good show. Fireworks, explosions, costumes, and holograms are a must. And nobody has better holograms than Jem & The Holograms. I'm sure they'd have a stage show to remember and probably save the festival from the evil machinations of The Misfits while they were at it! Gareth
3. Being a British festival and quite close to Bristol why not get a singer who cultivated her hip hop career in good old Blighty? This Swedish born was woman heavily involved with the Bristol Urban Culture scene and worked with Massive Attack before bringing out her solo album in 1989. This album was my the soundtrack to my childhood (and possibly now my life!), and since I knew I couldn't sing from an early age, I mimed my heart out to it for years! Neneh Cherry's lyrics, life musings and contagious energy would make her perfect performer for the Glasto stage. Like the title of her album states she's Raw like Sushi. How can you resist?! Squeamish Nicola
4. As far as I can tell, the qualifications for headlining Glastonbury involve (a) being a household name, (b) being fairly MOR and uncontroversial, and (c) no longer being particularly relevant to the world of modern music. So there's only one possible answer - Kate Bush. F1Kate
5. My festival of choice is ATP, where no tent squabbles occur (La Route du Rock: second time a very laidback friend of mine shouted at me - the other time was during a game of cards, Pukkelpop: first time Gareth shouted at me) and you can wash (La Route du Rock – I bathe in the sea, resulting in greasy, salty dreadlocks, Werchter - 2 showers and a bath before I get the greasy dust off). Glastonbury sounds incredibly unappealing to me. However, I could possibly be persuaded if Sleater-Kinney or Bikini Kill were to reform and take the stage. Squeamish Kate
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