It doesn't matter how wibbly-wobbley timey-wimey stuff gets, sooner or later all good things must come to an end. And so it is with Doctor Who. Not the show itself of course - it's become such a part of the British psyche that its end would be as unthinkable as crumpets being banned or a nation-wide tea drought (feel free to insert your own national/geek cliche here). No, we refer of course to the upcoming departure of rubber-faced Matt Smith from the (sort of) titular role.
There's been a whole heap of speculation about who should become the next Doctor, what with this being an event of the utmost importance (shockingly not everyone - including one of our very own - thinks so. Shame!) If you're unconvinced or haven't seen the most recent series due to work/ travel/ being trapped under an infeasibly large marshmallow you can catch up using our reviews.
And who are we to miss out on joining in with some idle speculation? Yeah, the contracts have probably already been locked down and the BBC special announcing the new actor filmed. But that doesn't mean we can't use our imaginations to cast our ideal Tardis pilot...
There's been a whole heap of speculation about who should become the next Doctor, what with this being an event of the utmost importance (shockingly not everyone - including one of our very own - thinks so. Shame!) If you're unconvinced or haven't seen the most recent series due to work/ travel/ being trapped under an infeasibly large marshmallow you can catch up using our reviews.
And who are we to miss out on joining in with some idle speculation? Yeah, the contracts have probably already been locked down and the BBC special announcing the new actor filmed. But that doesn't mean we can't use our imaginations to cast our ideal Tardis pilot...
1. When picking a new Doctor, they should fulfil one very special criteria - to paraphrase a quote about legendary theoretical physicist Richard Feynman, they should be "all genius, all buffoon." It's serious business -which is why I discarded a number of ideas (Russell Brand - "Oi, Davros, you cyclopean knave; sling your rotted-up ballbag, afore I smite you twixt thumb and this 'ere screwdriver-what-is-sonic"; Peter Capaldi as Malcolm Tucker - "I'd rather live in Anne Widdecome's fucking arse magma, than let a bunch of bacofoil tin men as camp as C3PO doing Gangnam-fucking-Style on Pineapple Dance Studios take over this green and pleasant planet!") in coming to my final pick.
I very nearly plumped for respected British actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, he does have fine sci-fi pedigree, after all, and can flip from ebullient and benign to unsettlingly cold and intimidating faster than you can say "Peter Davison was the best Doctor".
But no - my choice, my 100% genius, 100% buffoon Twelfth Doctor - can only be The Fall's heroically eccentric lyrical savant, Mark E. Smith. A man who shares the Doctor's on-off relationship with sanity. Just picture the magnificence of it: "We're going on an adventure-uh. In my big blue box-uh. I got two hearts-uh, two hearts bleedain-uh. Ger-on-im-ohhhhh" - cue incomprehensible shouty rant about UNIT or socks or something.
You can't deny it would be compelling viewing. Chris
The Doc is well overdue a sex change and, in the world of Sci-fi, no op is necessary! This combined with a newly found acceptance of the Nineties revival I want the woman who commanded the comedy of that era, who tried recently to come back with her most popular sitcom and a Spice Girls musical and pretty much failed on both counts. Why not give her a chance at regeneration and let Jennifer Saunders step into the Tardis? Because no one can crack me up with a facial expression like she does and with peril at every corner of the universe, the new Doctor will have me in stitches! Squeamish Nicola
3. Guys, we're too late. It has already been decided.The Daily Star exclusively revealed on Wednesday's front page that Michael Jackson's 15 year old daughter is going to be the next Doctor. The BBC has gone for not just a woman, but one whose father proved it is actually possible to change skin colour! She'll be the best Doctor ever. even better than the departing Paul Daniels. Gareth
4. It doesn't matter who it is. I always hate the new Doctor and find a sudden fierce loyalty not previously felt until the previous doctor departed. Squeamish Kate
5. He's called the Doctor, right? But as far as I'm aware (I'm sure there are things on this earth I care less about than Doctor Who, but I can't think of any right now), we've never had one with medical training. So I nominate Dr Phil. Has he had medical training? I'm not entirely sure what a Dr Phil is either... F1Kate
I very nearly plumped for respected British actor Chiwetel Ejiofor, he does have fine sci-fi pedigree, after all, and can flip from ebullient and benign to unsettlingly cold and intimidating faster than you can say "Peter Davison was the best Doctor".
But no - my choice, my 100% genius, 100% buffoon Twelfth Doctor - can only be The Fall's heroically eccentric lyrical savant, Mark E. Smith. A man who shares the Doctor's on-off relationship with sanity. Just picture the magnificence of it: "We're going on an adventure-uh. In my big blue box-uh. I got two hearts-uh, two hearts bleedain-uh. Ger-on-im-ohhhhh" - cue incomprehensible shouty rant about UNIT or socks or something.
You can't deny it would be compelling viewing. Chris
The Doc is well overdue a sex change and, in the world of Sci-fi, no op is necessary! This combined with a newly found acceptance of the Nineties revival I want the woman who commanded the comedy of that era, who tried recently to come back with her most popular sitcom and a Spice Girls musical and pretty much failed on both counts. Why not give her a chance at regeneration and let Jennifer Saunders step into the Tardis? Because no one can crack me up with a facial expression like she does and with peril at every corner of the universe, the new Doctor will have me in stitches! Squeamish Nicola
3. Guys, we're too late. It has already been decided.The Daily Star exclusively revealed on Wednesday's front page that Michael Jackson's 15 year old daughter is going to be the next Doctor. The BBC has gone for not just a woman, but one whose father proved it is actually possible to change skin colour! She'll be the best Doctor ever. even better than the departing Paul Daniels. Gareth
4. It doesn't matter who it is. I always hate the new Doctor and find a sudden fierce loyalty not previously felt until the previous doctor departed. Squeamish Kate
5. He's called the Doctor, right? But as far as I'm aware (I'm sure there are things on this earth I care less about than Doctor Who, but I can't think of any right now), we've never had one with medical training. So I nominate Dr Phil. Has he had medical training? I'm not entirely sure what a Dr Phil is either... F1Kate
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