Oh Disney, Disney, Disney. When Brave came out it was rather exciting to see the first kickass heroine since Mulan beating the boys at their own game. Merida was that rare thing, a proper Disney tomboy, not beautiful but bookish like uh, Beauty in Beauty and the Beast or dying to be trussed up like a sparkly turkey like Cinderella, being kept on her toes by a handsome prince who - like a Strictly Come Dancing judge - was swept away by her dance moves. She didn't slyly seduce royalty by feigning a coma. We don't know who came up with that one first Snow White or Sleeping Beauty but ladies, it's peculiar behaviour.
No, we were over all that weren't we Disney? Sigh, apparently not. Concerned little children wouldn't waste their pester power on a proper-as-seen-on-the-silver-screen Merida Disney have modified her. Nipping in her waist, combing her gorgeous hair and soppifying her expression until she is no longer Merida but Mewida, Pwincess of Scotland. I bet she even pronounces Edinburgh 'Edinboro'. In response (because we're reactive like that) we have suggested some make overs for the male Disney characters to make them more appealing.
No, we were over all that weren't we Disney? Sigh, apparently not. Concerned little children wouldn't waste their pester power on a proper-as-seen-on-the-silver-screen Merida Disney have modified her. Nipping in her waist, combing her gorgeous hair and soppifying her expression until she is no longer Merida but Mewida, Pwincess of Scotland. I bet she even pronounces Edinburgh 'Edinboro'. In response (because we're reactive like that) we have suggested some make overs for the male Disney characters to make them more appealing.
1. Gosh, the issue with many of the male characters of Disney is they don't talk much. If the main parts in the Disney classics were truly the protagonists of the films there'd be no freakin' dialogue, mark my words. You know that dude who gets sneakily drunk on the two kings red wine in Sleeping Beauty? Drinking from his lute and generally having a whale of a time under the kings' noses even though he's a GD prole? I'd give him a hair cut and a speaking part, he looks fun. Maybe he could have a drinking responsibly film? Squeamish Kate
2. Most of Disney’s traditional animated characters are so one dimensional that if you changed their outfit you’d radically alter the character - practically the only thing that differentiates the princesses is the colour of their dress. Calling them characters is inaccurate - they are mere ciphers to move familiar plots along. Therefore, I’m going to focus on one of Disney’s newer acquisitions. Namely Yoda. Those wrinkles have got to go! 900 years old and you’ve never heard of moisturiser? Try some Nivea 72% of women from a statistically irrelevant tiny sample group said their may have been some difference when we asked them a
leading question about it. Gareth
3. I know this wasn't the the theme BUT my favourite Disney Prince is Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty. He is a seminal prince character, because he was the first to get a name and have a personality! Based on this film, these are now the only two requirements I look for in a man. The only thing I'd change about the handsome and feisty prince is his name. He shares it with a not so great modern day prince. I'd rename him Scott after a dashing and princelike friend of mine. Squeamish Nicola
4. Altering a male Disney character, you say? There's only one thing I would do - make Captain Jack Sparrow fall in love with me. He's practically perfect in every other way, and the only male Disney character I can think of. F1Kate
5. I have seen ridiculously few movies, and only a tiny number of those have been Disney. In fact, the only male protagonist from a Disney film who springs to mind is Wall-E. Sure, he's cure and sympathetic, but does he really represent the best marketing potential? Surely if he had several detachable parts, the ability to transform into cool shapes, and a couple of guns mounted somewhere, Disney would be able to rinse the character for way more tie-in toys and therefore bucks? Squeamish Louise
2. Most of Disney’s traditional animated characters are so one dimensional that if you changed their outfit you’d radically alter the character - practically the only thing that differentiates the princesses is the colour of their dress. Calling them characters is inaccurate - they are mere ciphers to move familiar plots along. Therefore, I’m going to focus on one of Disney’s newer acquisitions. Namely Yoda. Those wrinkles have got to go! 900 years old and you’ve never heard of moisturiser? Try some Nivea 72% of women from a statistically irrelevant tiny sample group said their may have been some difference when we asked them a
leading question about it. Gareth
3. I know this wasn't the the theme BUT my favourite Disney Prince is Prince Phillip from Sleeping Beauty. He is a seminal prince character, because he was the first to get a name and have a personality! Based on this film, these are now the only two requirements I look for in a man. The only thing I'd change about the handsome and feisty prince is his name. He shares it with a not so great modern day prince. I'd rename him Scott after a dashing and princelike friend of mine. Squeamish Nicola
4. Altering a male Disney character, you say? There's only one thing I would do - make Captain Jack Sparrow fall in love with me. He's practically perfect in every other way, and the only male Disney character I can think of. F1Kate
5. I have seen ridiculously few movies, and only a tiny number of those have been Disney. In fact, the only male protagonist from a Disney film who springs to mind is Wall-E. Sure, he's cure and sympathetic, but does he really represent the best marketing potential? Surely if he had several detachable parts, the ability to transform into cool shapes, and a couple of guns mounted somewhere, Disney would be able to rinse the character for way more tie-in toys and therefore bucks? Squeamish Louise
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