ungrateful whale.
In these more secular times Christmas is many things to many people. A time to celebrate the birth of our Lord (or ‘our Claude’, as my sister and I both misheard and must have wondered why we were celebrating some Franco-Mancunian’s birthday), a time for family, a time for excess or a time for charity.
But this is mostly a time for presents; the giving is usually more exciting than receiving. As capitalism takes a firmer grasp of us all the list of what constitutes a ‘crappy gift’ gets ever longer.
After making the Squeamish writers delve deep, it turns out we’re as shallow as the rest of you and here is our list of 5 crappy gifts…
But this is mostly a time for presents; the giving is usually more exciting than receiving. As capitalism takes a firmer grasp of us all the list of what constitutes a ‘crappy gift’ gets ever longer.
After making the Squeamish writers delve deep, it turns out we’re as shallow as the rest of you and here is our list of 5 crappy gifts…
1. Clothes - People who don’t know you well buying you clothes is always a bad idea. Obviously there is the size minefield, but the colour/ pattern thing as well. I got leggings way too big for me from a well-meaning family friend one year. Squeamish Louise
2. An approximation of what you asked for - When I was 5 or 6 I was really into dinosaurs. I really, really wanted a toy Stegosaurus and my Gran bought me a T-Rex. I was so disappointed - at the risk of sounding like a dinosaur hipster I’ve always preferred the lesser known ones (seriously stop focusing on the mainstream dinosaurs - the Oviraptor is the best, but you’ve probably never heard of it). Gareth.
3. Domestic Appliances - This hasn’t happened to me, yet, but you hear stories about people getting irons or hoovers as presents. Fine if you specifically asked for one, but as a surprise, even if your existing one is broken, terrible. Squeamish Louise.
4. The too gadgety gadget - A couple of years ago my in-laws bought me an extremely expensive, complex Espresso machine. Unfortunately coffee really disagrees with me and only makes it when they visit. I didn’t have the heart to tell them this for ages. Even worse this machine was so complex it took over 20 minutes to make an Espresso! Gareth.
5. The forgetful re-gift - when someone gives you something that makes you think “hmmm, this looks very familiar…” – most likely to happen in an office setting, with the same cheap bath sets/ ‘hilarious’ mugs being circulated for years. I suppose it is good for the environment. Squeamish Louise
Still, as my mother says these are all preferable to a poke in the eye.
Squeamish Kate
2. An approximation of what you asked for - When I was 5 or 6 I was really into dinosaurs. I really, really wanted a toy Stegosaurus and my Gran bought me a T-Rex. I was so disappointed - at the risk of sounding like a dinosaur hipster I’ve always preferred the lesser known ones (seriously stop focusing on the mainstream dinosaurs - the Oviraptor is the best, but you’ve probably never heard of it). Gareth.
3. Domestic Appliances - This hasn’t happened to me, yet, but you hear stories about people getting irons or hoovers as presents. Fine if you specifically asked for one, but as a surprise, even if your existing one is broken, terrible. Squeamish Louise.
4. The too gadgety gadget - A couple of years ago my in-laws bought me an extremely expensive, complex Espresso machine. Unfortunately coffee really disagrees with me and only makes it when they visit. I didn’t have the heart to tell them this for ages. Even worse this machine was so complex it took over 20 minutes to make an Espresso! Gareth.
5. The forgetful re-gift - when someone gives you something that makes you think “hmmm, this looks very familiar…” – most likely to happen in an office setting, with the same cheap bath sets/ ‘hilarious’ mugs being circulated for years. I suppose it is good for the environment. Squeamish Louise
Still, as my mother says these are all preferable to a poke in the eye.
Squeamish Kate
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