Since the dawn of the teenager adults have been moaning about how the new teen idols aren't as good as the old teen idols. James Dean could kick Mick Jagger's ass. Lionel Richie's Hello was better than Kurt Cobain's. Take That are no wild boys like Duran Duran were and the Spice Girls had nicknames, what do you call Lil Mix? And why doesn't anybody enunciate any more! Time was you could hear every word... Robbie Williams complained the Brit Awards had become dull over time and most people find themselves in the odd position of agreeing with him. So, to save a load of executives having to gather round the board room asking each other "what would Jarvis do?" we have come up with some suggestions for the Brits 2015...
1. Every once in a while, something takes place to bring into stark relief just how disassociated I've become from popular culture since starting life in F1. Thanks to having lived for more than a quarter of a century before racing took over my life, I have actually heard of both David Bowie (in fact, I've even met him) and Kate Moss. But anyone else the Brits have invited as guests or given awards to? Err, no. So in order to restore excitement to the Brits I would only invite artists I've heard of. It would be an odd mix of '80s rockers, ageing new romantics, and hardcore gabba freaks. The combination of drugs alone should make for great (post-watershed) viewing. F1Kate
2. I haven't seen the Brits since Jarvis. So what would make it watchable again? Everything is better with glitter. Banks of cannons dumping huge quantities of glitter at regular intervals over everything. And everyone has to be naked...wait sorry what were we talking about?! Squeamish Louise
3. It's not the Brits that have lost their excitement, it's pop music. So my answer would be an a-pop-colypse. Lock Adele, Katy B, Lana Del WTF et al in the Brit school, turn on Pearl Jam at full volume and let them die of confusion. A rebirth for TOTP and the strange disappearance of the word remix from the Cambridge dictionary and all will be dandy. Becky Shepherd
4. To jazz up the Brits and avoid viewer boredom I'd make it more like the talent shows the masses are such avid fans of now. Just before the ad break dish out an award and then ask the viewers if the Brits got it right and to vote during the break for if Katy Perry should keep her award of if Beyonce or other pop star should get it instead. This and changing the 'S' to a 'Z' is definitely the way to go for the Britz! Squeamish Nicola
5. The problem isn't with the Brits. The problem is that all award ceremonies, from Vacuum Seller of the Year (South West Region) right up to the Oscars, are fundamentally boring to watch. And to attend too - row upon row of bored looking faces taking advantage of the open bar and hoping it ends soon so they can go home. Nobody wants to hang out with their co-workers on their night off. Frankly I think they should be scrapped and replaced with a celebrity version of Gladiators. Whoever manages to pugil stickShadow out of the way and get up the travelator first wins the award. Or Fun House - although that's entirely conditional onPat Sharp growing his mullet back. Gareth
2. I haven't seen the Brits since Jarvis. So what would make it watchable again? Everything is better with glitter. Banks of cannons dumping huge quantities of glitter at regular intervals over everything. And everyone has to be naked...wait sorry what were we talking about?! Squeamish Louise
3. It's not the Brits that have lost their excitement, it's pop music. So my answer would be an a-pop-colypse. Lock Adele, Katy B, Lana Del WTF et al in the Brit school, turn on Pearl Jam at full volume and let them die of confusion. A rebirth for TOTP and the strange disappearance of the word remix from the Cambridge dictionary and all will be dandy. Becky Shepherd
4. To jazz up the Brits and avoid viewer boredom I'd make it more like the talent shows the masses are such avid fans of now. Just before the ad break dish out an award and then ask the viewers if the Brits got it right and to vote during the break for if Katy Perry should keep her award of if Beyonce or other pop star should get it instead. This and changing the 'S' to a 'Z' is definitely the way to go for the Britz! Squeamish Nicola
5. The problem isn't with the Brits. The problem is that all award ceremonies, from Vacuum Seller of the Year (South West Region) right up to the Oscars, are fundamentally boring to watch. And to attend too - row upon row of bored looking faces taking advantage of the open bar and hoping it ends soon so they can go home. Nobody wants to hang out with their co-workers on their night off. Frankly I think they should be scrapped and replaced with a celebrity version of Gladiators. Whoever manages to pugil stickShadow out of the way and get up the travelator first wins the award. Or Fun House - although that's entirely conditional onPat Sharp growing his mullet back. Gareth
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