Friday finally. Tough week? So tough that you got swoobs? Really, you don't know what swoobs are? Are you sure because it...really looks like you are kind of suffering from them. Yeah we can see your swoobs. Oh, gross don't make us say it! Sweaty boobs! SWOOBS! Don't worry you can fix it, there are products out there you can buy - not just the deodorant you put on your armpits, no, specialised boob stuff. Like Bust Dust, or Fresh Breasts, or Boobalicious Breast Deodorant.
OK you're cynical now but in a year you will be fretting about your swoobs. In the meantime we have come up with some other physical concerns you might not have thought of that we can create a product to fix...
OK you're cynical now but in a year you will be fretting about your swoobs. In the meantime we have come up with some other physical concerns you might not have thought of that we can create a product to fix...
1. To be honest, I think Dove won this one on the day they brought out that advert telling women to worry that their armpits aren't moisturised enough, and that we should all invest in their softening deodorant. Sorry, I missed the memo - when did DRY ARMPITS become a problem? But if I have to come up with my own, how about a facial cleanser for teens designed to give you spots? I can see the ads now: skin too clear? want to fit in with the cool kids and their bad skin? Wash with FILTH, and grub those cares away! F1Kate
2. Eurgh women! Is there any part of your body that isn't disgusting? Frankly I'm surprised the species has lasted as long as it has because every bit of your body is smelly, covered in hair or the wrong colour! I think we should just call it a day and let humanity die out - we can't keep relying on the cosmetic industry to fix you. Haven't they done enough for you already? Gareth
3. Are you living in fear? Does the potential of a fanny fart ruin the romance of intercourse for you? Sometimes no matter how loud the mood music it won't mask your downstairs whoopie whoopsie. Suffer from fanny fart fatigue no more! With 2heads - a set of headphones that sync to the same sexy soundtrack. You won't have to worry he'll hear your embarrassing enjoyment. Remember "With 2heads the better you come!" Squeamish Nicola
4. Finally, solve that uneven hairline problem you and your girlfriends spend your lunches complaining about and get the sharp hairline of your dreams and scrape your hair back into a pony-tail with pride with SlickLines cream. It's not the depilatory cream you use on your bikini line problem area, this is a different depilatory cream designed with your forehead and ear area in mind to make that uneven hairline problem area yesterday's problem. Huzzah. Squeamish Kate
5. Have you ever noticed that the skin behind your ears is too dry? I bet it is. Feel it. Feels dry, doesn't it? Ugh. Imagine if someone else felt that. How embarrassing would that be? How do you even go out in public with your disgusting scaly ear backs? You should be ashamed! Shame can be taken care of by buying our new moisturising cream, the only one tested exclusively on the backs of ears. Squeamish Louise
2. Eurgh women! Is there any part of your body that isn't disgusting? Frankly I'm surprised the species has lasted as long as it has because every bit of your body is smelly, covered in hair or the wrong colour! I think we should just call it a day and let humanity die out - we can't keep relying on the cosmetic industry to fix you. Haven't they done enough for you already? Gareth
3. Are you living in fear? Does the potential of a fanny fart ruin the romance of intercourse for you? Sometimes no matter how loud the mood music it won't mask your downstairs whoopie whoopsie. Suffer from fanny fart fatigue no more! With 2heads - a set of headphones that sync to the same sexy soundtrack. You won't have to worry he'll hear your embarrassing enjoyment. Remember "With 2heads the better you come!" Squeamish Nicola
4. Finally, solve that uneven hairline problem you and your girlfriends spend your lunches complaining about and get the sharp hairline of your dreams and scrape your hair back into a pony-tail with pride with SlickLines cream. It's not the depilatory cream you use on your bikini line problem area, this is a different depilatory cream designed with your forehead and ear area in mind to make that uneven hairline problem area yesterday's problem. Huzzah. Squeamish Kate
5. Have you ever noticed that the skin behind your ears is too dry? I bet it is. Feel it. Feels dry, doesn't it? Ugh. Imagine if someone else felt that. How embarrassing would that be? How do you even go out in public with your disgusting scaly ear backs? You should be ashamed! Shame can be taken care of by buying our new moisturising cream, the only one tested exclusively on the backs of ears. Squeamish Louise
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