Friday 5...Baffling Halloween Costumes

28/10/2011

In the US they’ve been Halloweening it up for a while now, here in the UK we've been biding our time for Halloween weekend. How sober of us. Personally I have a rule that costumes must be homemade. However if you want to hire a costume here are some ideas that are TOTALLY Halloween themed. You would think the rule would be ‘You can be anything you want, just make it dead’ but it appears the rule is actually ‘you can be anything you want, just make it sexy.’

1. “Oh, hello. I’m a scary spider! WOOO! No, kidding. It’s me! Grace! In a spider costume that doesn’t even have 6 legs let alone 8! HAHA fooled you. Man you were easy to fool”

2. The Anna Rexia costume was in the news recently when a store in NYC, Ricky’s, was forced to withdraw it from sale. However a quick google shows you are still in with a chance of making fun of people with eating disorders this Halloween. You'll have everyone in stitches I'm sure.

3. Miss Krueger, here’s the thing that baffles me, if you’re such a fan of the Nightmare on Elm Street films…why not either drag it up and be warm or dress up as one of the other characters? I'm pretty sure Freddy never bares his midriff.

4. Are ladybirds frightening? Is there a widespread ladybird phobia I don’t know about? Because come Halloween I keep seeing grown women dressed as either a bee or a ladybird, ooh biodiversity! I fear you!

5. WHAT have I said about verisimilitude when it comes to costumes? Oh yeah Marie Antoinette, for ease of movement and not to get her legs out, anticipated the mini skirt by 200 years.

3 Comments

Muffy link

28/10/2011 03:25:05 am

Having finally retired the 'half dead hooker' aesthetic that I normally trudge out for Halloween, and lacking in any sort of imagination, I turned to Google for help.

Your article beautifully matches my bewilderment and disappointment at the expectations of what we're meant to look like at this time of year. I mean, yes, I still remember that time when Buffy tried to get to get Willow to dress up all slutty because it was the one occasion where it would be appropriate (that was real life, right?) but...really?

There wasn't even a hint of ghoulish make up in the image search! Sure, most of the girls in the pictures had a bit more eyeliner on, but I've been a manics fan once. It just doesn't hold the same novelty appeal.

Maybe we're lucky. Maybe, because lots of the people I know go to the sorts of nights ALL THROUGH THE YEAR where they can indulge the desire to wear fetishistic or 'alternative' garb, or just surround themselves with people who don't judge them for dressing up, we don't need to slag it up quite so much at the end of every October.

Maybe, though, maybe my outfit this year (freshly assembled from the men's section in a well known bargain clothes chain) will work. Already, my relentlessly sexy friend (who will be wearing her sacrificial virgin non-dress again this year) is telling me that my suggested outfit choice is a terrible idea. She has a point - there is a fine line between Kubrick-inspired ultraviolence and the Michelin Man - but I'd rather feel at least a bit menacing than spend the night thinking I was doing nothing more than humouring the undersexed fantasies of the voyeurs of Hallow's Eve.

Maybe, I'll eat my words and drag out the corset and the thigh highs and do half dead make up again. I will possibly look more like the whale drawing if I try, but it's there as a last resort.

Kate W link

28/10/2011 03:36:07 am

I'm a bad person. I really want the slutty Marie Antoinette outfit now I know it exists.

Squeamish Kate

28/10/2011 03:48:13 am

@Kate W I'm holding out for a slutty Madame de Pompadour...

@Muffy What are you actually going as this year? You can't go as the same thing every Halloween (although this year I AM outfit repeating...the shame) tell Relentlessly Sexy Friend that.

Friday 5...Baffling Halloween Costumes

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