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Friday 5...Academy Award Suggestions

24/1/2014

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PictureBest prosthetics
It's Awards season again! We expect you, like us, to be just trembling with excitement. Who is going to win what? Who will cry the most during their speech? What is Jennifer Laurence going to wear? And will she make it up the stairs this time if needs be?

Yeah, actually it turns out we can't drum up that much interest in Awards season. It's the sameness of it all. Best actress, best actor, best screenplay yadda yadda yadda. So here are some suggestions for the Academy to have a little think about...



1. Stuntmen* should have their own Oscar. The stunts often make the movie - Michael Bay certainly wouldn't have a career without them (even in these days of cheap CGI) so it seems unfair he could be nominated and the people who dodge his ridiculously over the top explosions can't be.

* This obviously includes women - 'Stuntperson' just sounds wrong and women often do the stunts for male actors so I'm assuming it's become gender neutral like actor has. Also women have a much harder job - they do exactly the same role but usually in much skimpier clothes that gives them far less places to conceal the padding! Gareth

2.
Ooh, ooh! Can I pick the obvious one and give an Oscar for physical suffering? Any woman who puts on more than 15lbs for a part, or any man who loses the same, is automatically nominated. Because pretty people making themselves ugly in the name of art is a whole new level of creative torture that must be rewarded. F1Kate

3. I'd like to create the Julia Roberts Award. It would go to any actress who meets Julia Roberts' fine acting standards when it comes to laughing, being taken by surprise at your own laughter and then laughing some more because SILLY. Oh so relatable. Mae Martin gets my vote. Squeamish Kate

4.
Without a doubt the category that should be introduced to the multitude of awards that can be won at the Academy Awards on offer is the Oscar for Best Accent. It is a key part of acting to portray your character visually but also verbally. Dick Van Dyke mangled the Cockney accent in Disney's classic Mary Poppins and not that Highlander was going to win an Oscar, but Sean Connery's Spaniard (or Egyptian if you believe his character) is troubling. It's just Sean Connery speaking like Sean Connery while everyone else tries there best to carry on with the film. So yes I am saying give Renee Zellweger one for being an English girl called Bridget if you must, maybe then she wouldn't have been up for Best Actress in that godawful film. Squeamish Nicola

5.
I don’t understand why humans hog all of the awards, especially when they’re so often out-acted by our 4 (or more) legged friends. Why isn't there an Oscar recognising this? Turns out, there almost was. Rin Tin Tin, the dog actor should have won the first ever Best Actor Academy Award in 1927. He got the largest number of votes, by an absolutely overwhelming majority. However the killjoys at the Academy, worried that their shiny new trophy might become a laughing stock declared that only humans could win. Which is a real travesty as he had an amazing rags to riches story - he was rescued from a German Air field during World War 1 as a newborn puppy by an American solider, taken to Hollywood and ended up the most famous dog actor ever. Squeamish Louise
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