Squeamish Bikini
  • Home
  • Squeamish Features
  • Squeamish Reviews
  • Squeamish News
  • Squeamish Contact
  • About Squeamish

Friday 5... Superheroes

7/10/2011

0 Comments

 
Picture
Despite Hollywood seemingly on a quest
to turn every single superhero into a movie franchise, this Friday we present five heroes who probably shouldn’t bother waiting by the phone...



Bouncing Boy               
Bouncing Boy is, unsurprisingly, a boy who bounces. After accidentally drinking an experimental ‘super plastic formula’ after confusing it with a can of pop he developed the power to inflate himself and bounce off walls. His weakness is pins. And childhood obesity.

Dogwelder
 Admittedly this one was created as a joke by Garth Ennis (better known for creating ‘Preacher’ and ‘The Boys’), but this list wouldn’t be complete without a superhero whose power is to weld dead puppies to criminals’ faces. Personally I think he’d be perfect for a Macdonalds Happy Meal tie-in.

Arm Fall Off Boy
Without a doubt the greatest superhero ever to exist. Arm Fall Off Boy has the ability to remove his limbs and use them as a crude makeshift club. Despite clearly being a grown adult he refers to himself as Boy and tries to join a superhero gang made up of prepubescent teens while wearing a leotard and a pink phallic helmet, probably hampering his chances of getting a multi-million film deal...

The Red Bee 
The Red Bee is a district attorney who decided the best way to advance his career would be to dress up in a stripy yellow and red suit (presumably the black stripes weren’t slimming enough) and fight Nazis. He didn’t have any powers other than specially trained bees, including his favourite one, Michael, who lived in his belt buckle. Perhaps unsurprisingly his comic ended with the Nazis killing him. Maybe because he insisted on using male bees, which any good apiarist will tell you don’t have stingers.

Dazzler 
Originally created by Marvel as a marketing shill for Casablanca Records, Dazzler has the ability to turn music into lasers. Wondering why she’s on this list? Well perhaps I should clarify – I don’t mean Superman style eye lasers; she turns sound into glowing laser beams like the ones you see at a school disco. The only time I can see this being a useful power for a superhero is if the world was attacked by alien invaders with epilepsy. However, I think she’d be my first choice to go to a rave with...

Gareth 

0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Books
    Booze
    Cinematic
    Dress Up
    Educating Sue
    Educating Sue
    Friday 5
    Friday 5
    Geekery
    Gender Agender
    Gender Agender
    Glitter And Twisted
    Glitter And Twisted
    History Repeating
    History Repeating
    How To
    Just A Thought
    Just A Thought
    Let's Get Political
    Let's Get Political
    Music
    Nom Nom Nom
    Nostalgia
    Tellybox
    Why You Should Love

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
Photos from Pink Sherbet Photography, anunez619, NikRugby23!, Asso Pixiel