Squeamish Bikini
  • Home
  • Squeamish Features
  • Squeamish Reviews
  • Squeamish News
  • Squeamish Contact
  • About Squeamish

Friday 5... Detectives

16/3/2012

9 Comments

 
Picture
Yeah not real detectives, fictional detectives, detectives that the fictional police don’t employ because these freelance detectives don’t play by the rules; but they like their style.  Detectives who manage to get people to talk to them, to visit them in their art deco style office and divulge intimate yet details they didn’t tell the uniformed officer on the night of the ‘incident’. Today we applaud these crime fighters and their little grey cells. 

1. Miss Marple – Let’s be very, very clear here. We’re talking Geraldine McEwan Marple. Oh we thought we liked Joan Hickson, we did like Joan Hickson. But it’s Geraldine McEwan’s Marple with its lesbian affairs, pixie hats, tragic love story and shop bought cake we love. We know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking ‘whoa, I’ve got to watch some Marple’. You would be right.

2. Mrs. Bradley – It is a great sorrow to Squeamish Kate the Mrs. Bradley Mysteries series never quite took off. “I blame the Freudian theory she kept spouting, but it brought context, and she wore hats!” This detective doesn’t even pretend to play by the rules. A finishing school expellee Mrs. Bradley has discarded as many men as she has gained degrees. Psychology, cigarettes and her chauffeur’s vocabulary is her game. Adela Bradley’s probably a contemporary of Miss. Marple but don’t let her hear you say that.

3. Jonathan Creek – This is another detective who requires a special someone to bring them to life, but it isn't Alan Davies. Julia Sawalha we love you but you’re bringing Creek DOWN. Sheridan Smith, you can’t understand the Creek. Caroline Quentin’s Maddy McGellan made Jonathan Creek the tousle haired, duffle coat wearing crime fighter he became, causing late '90s teens to nurse a lifelong attraction to shuffling figures in sensible coats. Which can only lead to trouble and is not using your logic like a laser. 

4. Poirot – Oh, Poirot. The little grey cells, the delicate ego, the waxed moustache! Something about Poirot is forever a little tragic. His on/off companion (not in that way) Captain Hastings only knows the half of Poirot’s genius, fortunately Miss Lemon is aware of the other half. A high maintenance Belgian who has a fondness for pudding, who wouldn’t identify?  If you love Poirot but are a little new to the books here’s a tip… don’t read Curtain.

5. Jack Spratt – ok he is employed by the police, but only in the Nursery Crimes division and he is as fictional as his employer so it balances out. Whether he’s discussing the right to arm bears or avoiding bacon rind this Jasper Fforde character manages to maintain classic detective traits, stubble, an old car (that falls under the  ‘classic’ umbrella, ok?) on top of a decidedly uncharacteristic happy family. There’s only one mystery he’s never solved: was Humpty wearing a cummerbund, or a cravat? 
9 Comments
Gareth
15/3/2012 09:14:11 pm

Sorry, but the top 5 detectives are (in order)

5) Sam Spade
4) Phillip Marlowe
3) Poirot
2) Sherlock (as played by Jeremy Brett)
1) Batman

Reply
Squeamish Kate link
15/3/2012 09:52:10 pm

5) Never heard of
4) Ringing a bell
3) in the list and the list is in no particular order
2) Sherlock gets too much press
1) Is Batman a detective or a vigilante?

Reply
Gareth
16/3/2012 02:50:27 am

Sam Spade & Phillip Marlowe are 1950's noire detectives.

Batman is (in addition to being The Dark Knight & The Caped Crusader) the World's Greatest Detective (seriously he has more titles than Superman has powers). He's a super-genius who's detective skills put Sherlock's to shame, and unlike anyone on your list can also save the world from alien invaders.

Reply
Gareth
16/3/2012 02:54:30 am

sorry 1930s noire detectives. Stupid lack of edit button.

Sam Spade is most famous for The Maltese Falcon.

I should probably only have put him or Phillip Marlowe on the list as they are practically the same character.

Reply
Gareth
20/3/2012 01:15:00 am

Magnum PI! How on earth did I forget Magnum PI? Ok, kick Sam Spade out of the list and stick Magnum there.

Reply
Sue
16/3/2012 04:47:23 pm

Oh how I wish someone had told me not to read curtain. What good advice you give squeamish Kate

Reply
F1Kate link
19/3/2012 03:50:00 pm

Pshaw, you've got it ALL wrong. In no particular order...

* Roy Grace
* Rebus
* Thursday Next
* Kinsey Millhone
* Thomas Lynley

Reply
Squeamish Kate link
19/3/2012 05:53:22 pm

Oh, now see I did not like the Thursday Next books, but I read the Nursery Crime Division first. I suppose this is the Fforde equivalent of watching Grease 2 before Grease.

Reply
Gareth
20/3/2012 01:13:56 am

I liked the earlier Thursday books, but the last couple have been awful - a pale shadow of the earlier ones.

Also this is a list of "detectives that the fictional police don’t employ" so everyone but Kinsey Millhone is excluded as they all work for law agencies.




Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Books
    Booze
    Cinematic
    Dress Up
    Educating Sue
    Educating Sue
    Friday 5
    Friday 5
    Geekery
    Gender Agender
    Gender Agender
    Glitter And Twisted
    Glitter And Twisted
    History Repeating
    History Repeating
    How To
    Just A Thought
    Just A Thought
    Let's Get Political
    Let's Get Political
    Music
    Nom Nom Nom
    Nostalgia
    Tellybox
    Why You Should Love

    RSS Feed


Squeamish Bikini

About
Contact us
Write for us

Newsletter

Picture
     Copyright © 2013