We’re getting to that age at Squeamish Bikini, too old to use ‘sick’ as a slang-ridden compliment, yet too young to insist people get off our lawn. Our insistence upon city-dwelling also impedes our ambition to yell such instructions. All we have in our mid-to-late youth is pedantry. We are getting crow’s feet from all that wincing we do as we overhear people mangle the English language. Why don’t you stop eavesdropping? You might ask. Why don’t you let us charmingly correct you in a list of 5? We reply…
1. Mischievous - poor mischievous must be feeling inadequate. It’s a pretty long word and it’s fun to be. Lately though it doesn’t seem to be enough. People want to be ‘mischievious’ now. Radio 4 Today presenter Sarah Montague, rather wonderfully, attempted to correct an interviewee this week, repeating his sentence but doing poor old ‘mischievous’ the justice of pronouncing it with just the 3 syllables.
2. Random – random does not mean weird. Every time you use the word ‘random’ to describe something you have found a little odd a pig elbows a newt. I know, RANDOM.
3. Literally – Guys, there’s enough going on in the world, or Take a Break magazine, without you claiming to have come back from the dead over embarrassment. You did not literally die; maybe you blushed a little, but nobody died of a rush of blood to the cheeks. It just feels like a distinct possibility at the time.
4. Epic – Oh man, the notion of an epic sandwich should probably be feared. Nobody wants a sandwich that goes on for ages and not only achieves more than you, but does it in an elevated style.
5. Posterity – it’s a sad fact things are being increasingly preserved for prosperity. As if prosperity didn’t already have it all. Posterity, on the other hand, has actually got to think about the future…
2. Random – random does not mean weird. Every time you use the word ‘random’ to describe something you have found a little odd a pig elbows a newt. I know, RANDOM.
3. Literally – Guys, there’s enough going on in the world, or Take a Break magazine, without you claiming to have come back from the dead over embarrassment. You did not literally die; maybe you blushed a little, but nobody died of a rush of blood to the cheeks. It just feels like a distinct possibility at the time.
4. Epic – Oh man, the notion of an epic sandwich should probably be feared. Nobody wants a sandwich that goes on for ages and not only achieves more than you, but does it in an elevated style.
5. Posterity – it’s a sad fact things are being increasingly preserved for prosperity. As if prosperity didn’t already have it all. Posterity, on the other hand, has actually got to think about the future…
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