We think the period during which Kim Kardashian was threatening to break the internet is over. We are safe. For now. Of course she didn't mean it but that doesn't mean a host of copy-cat internet destroyers won't start popping up all over the place. That is the nature of celebrity and fandom. Remember after Demi Moore's Vanity Fair cover in which she posed pregnant and nude it became absolutely de rigueur to pose naked on the cover of a magazine in a similar pose to announce the impending celebrity by maternal/paternal association infant. It shall now be strongly suggested that celebrities pose nude and threaten the general public whilst doing so. It was bound to happen, we see so much nudity nowadays that it simply isn't enough to bare all. However we think Kim should have gone about breaking the internet in more practical, less chilly ways. Here are some ideas.
1. I'd break the internet with my sheer lack of internet usage. A rumour would go round that there was one person in the world who had not ever used the Internet. They went on walks, played volley ball and volunteered at community events. This person wouldn't even know how to use their thumbs to type on a phone. Obviously, like everything on the internet, it would turn out to be a big fat LIE and this person would actually exist in Minecraft. Squeamish Nicola
2. Everyone knows that the internet is a series of tubes. Which means you break it by clogging them up. With a hairball or something. Squeamish Louise
3. There is only one known way to break the internet. The first time someone successfully completes downloading ALL of the porn, it will self-destruct in disgust. F1 Kate
4. In order to break the internet, Kim, you have to at least be holding it. Then threaten to drop it. Or stamp on it. Or kick it. Unless of course Kim was implying in that photo that she had... inserted it, or eaten it. Which I don't think she has. Anyway you must be very, very careful with the internet, or all heck could break loose. Kim isn't even typing Google into Google in that photoshoot. Try harder next time. Squeamish Kate
2. Everyone knows that the internet is a series of tubes. Which means you break it by clogging them up. With a hairball or something. Squeamish Louise
3. There is only one known way to break the internet. The first time someone successfully completes downloading ALL of the porn, it will self-destruct in disgust. F1 Kate
4. In order to break the internet, Kim, you have to at least be holding it. Then threaten to drop it. Or stamp on it. Or kick it. Unless of course Kim was implying in that photo that she had... inserted it, or eaten it. Which I don't think she has. Anyway you must be very, very careful with the internet, or all heck could break loose. Kim isn't even typing Google into Google in that photoshoot. Try harder next time. Squeamish Kate
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