This week the Student Beans website is offering me free driving test theory software and free condoms. An odd combination, though I guess it gives a whole new meaning to hazard perception.
I took time out from studies to visit mum midweek because she discovered a lump, and you so hold your breath in these circumstances don’t you? You think, but you don’t want to voice that niggle as you belt down the motorway at break neck speed.
Surgery or not surgery - that is the question. Understandably mum isn't keen, and so now has a trade off with the GP - no lifting or bending in exchange for a three month reprieve, to be renewed by negotiation. She is therefore now the proud owner of one grabber stick to assist with those awkward moments. I found one invaluable after hip surgery for getting one's pants on; I'm not sure what mum's speciality will be yet, but practise makes perfect.
But then I discover that she has had a plumbing incident. She bled the radiator in the kitchen, as you do when you're 86, and in so doing the valve sprang loose and the entire contents of the radiator shot out across the hall and into the bedroom. She eventually got the valve back in situ, but not before boiling hot black sludgy water had left its mark in no less than three rooms! Once she had cleaned it all up, despite being supposed to not lift or bend, she got the roller out, stood on a ladder, and re-painted a wall. "Well I couldn't just leave it dear, it was filthy!" is what she said when I voiced my concern. She won't be tamed will my mother!
I am trying to lose a few pounds by means of portion control, the complete absence of chocolate and crisps, the use of only fresh ingredients and only drinking one night a week. Doesn't sound too terrible does it? I haven't quite got the hang of the latter yet, since I don't think the idea is to have a whole weeks worth in one night. As was the case on Friday...
it's hard to pronounce Oswaldtwistle when you don't have a Lancashire accent and I kept being told off for being posh!
The gazebo, it transpires, is not waterproof. This may explain why the switch tripped. We tried to unplug it but the plastic from the plug had melted, melded and welded itself to the socket. So we had another drink whilst we contemplated what to about this, and before we knew it we had forgotten all about the cold.
The following day saw another terrific storm. Just as my mother-in-law was on the phone telling me that her fence panels and ridge tiles had succumbed to the elements, my gazebo started to take off and parachute into enemy territory. I had to cut her short and go and rescue it. It's in a bad way poor thing, shredded by thorns and spattered from being dragged through the mud. I feel the need for a short memorial service - it has served us well. But I will wait till it stops raining first; it might be a long wait at this rate.
Just in case I don't get my degree I have been indulging in a bit of job practise. I joined my son on a radio station in Pendle where he works as a presenter, to co-host the breakfast show with him. We had a good laugh sitting in the studio, but those cans make your ears really hot and it's very odd because you can hear yourself speak. The mic is huge and I kept banging it with my coffee cup much to his disgust, but I think that was the only faux pas I made. I managed to do the travel and weather reports without too much hassle, except it's hard to pronounce Oswaldtwistle when you don't have a Lancashire accent and I kept being told off for being posh! Don't do your posh telephone voice mum. But this is how I speak, ok!
My exams start on 27th May so I will keep up the posh accent, which is actually quite estuary when I let my guard down, in case I don't pass and need to get a job with the BBC instead. Though I will probably need my degree to be able to do that!