Open the door! Image:John Morgan
According to a recent survey women are suspicious of chivalrous acts. This has been interpreted as indicative of the decline in good manners. The Daily Mail agrees: “Traditional acts of chivalry once thought to be polite and noble are frowned upon in the 21st century because they are so rare.” But are good manners, chivalry, respect and etiquette interchangeable words or actions? I don't think so.
The survey reports that 82% of women prefer to pay for their own dinner on the first date and 52% would pay to bill. Of the women surveyed 89% would turn down any offer to help carry their heavy shopping bags and 78% of women would not accept the husband or boyfriend's coat on a cold day.
The survey reports that 82% of women prefer to pay for their own dinner on the first date and 52% would pay to bill. Of the women surveyed 89% would turn down any offer to help carry their heavy shopping bags and 78% of women would not accept the husband or boyfriend's coat on a cold day.
Is this chivalrous conduct I wonder? Women are doubtless suspicious of chivalry because it is so often a word used when the man who has demonstrated his 'knightly virtue' is cross because it has become clear his excellent door opening skill is not going to get him laid. The death (or dearth) of chivalry is frequently mourned, but the anxiety felt by women when bought dinner or even just a drink is never discussed. Insisting on paying your half of the first date dinner might buy you safety at that moment where you decide whether parting is such sweet sorrow, or a relief. The cost of dinner? £??.?? (I don't know where you like to eat) the price of avoiding 'hey, I bought you dinner'? Priceless.
| Considering, as Gareth pointed out to me yesterday, that: “it is probably worth remembering that chivalry was invented as a form of social control over hired killers and mercenaries” it is rather an odd thing to yearn for, or feel fake nostalgia for. Sigh, remember the days when a candle lit dinner was enjoyed and paid for before the raping and pillaging? Not really. | “it is worth remembering that chivalry was invented as a form of social control over hired killers" |
It is interesting this poll should come out not long after a list of characters voted the perfect fictional gentleman came out topped by Mr Darcy, James Bond and Prince Charming. Apparently 1 in 10 of the 1000 women polled picked Christian Grey of 'Mommy Porn' book Fifty Shades of Grey as their perfect fictional gentleman. Paul Ogle, MD of Johnson Cleaners who commissioned the poll, said: “It is clear that many women love an old fashioned gentleman, either in fiction or reality. The qualities that make a gentleman are timeless and classic, just like the celebrities that came top of our research.”
It is not Fitzwilliam Darcy's ability to exit a lake so elegantly (assuming many people have merged him with Colin Firth in their heads) nor his Regency stiffness that appeals, it could be argued, but his ability to self re-evaluate thanks to Elizabeth Bennet's valid criticism of him. James Bond...I can't explain. I always feel women are often just told these 3 (along with new addition Christian Grey – making it 4 I suppose) characters make us go weak at the knees and it's easier for us just to say 'Oh, OK' than bother to elaborate on how we like aspects of these men WHO AREN'T REAL.
This morning on Radio 4's Today programme writer Henry Hitchings discussed his new book on English manners Sorry! The English and Their Manners with the interrupting presenter ('interrupting presenter wh'-'ANSWER THE QUESTION!') John Humphrys. Hitchings pointed out that: “Manners are a social lubricant.” Good manners contribute towards a pleasant atmosphere, they are not a chat up line. Expecting manners to encourage reciprocal manners is reasonable, treating them as though they are finite and therefore should be rewarded with sex is, well it's not polite.
Since women conquered the once mighty door it seems we have become more choosy. We want to decide whether or not we pay for a meal we have been invited to, choose to support ourselves or not and worse pick our own partners. I mean GEEZ ladies what do you want?! It's like you're individual humans or something. Unacceptable!
Squeamish Kate
It is not Fitzwilliam Darcy's ability to exit a lake so elegantly (assuming many people have merged him with Colin Firth in their heads) nor his Regency stiffness that appeals, it could be argued, but his ability to self re-evaluate thanks to Elizabeth Bennet's valid criticism of him. James Bond...I can't explain. I always feel women are often just told these 3 (along with new addition Christian Grey – making it 4 I suppose) characters make us go weak at the knees and it's easier for us just to say 'Oh, OK' than bother to elaborate on how we like aspects of these men WHO AREN'T REAL.
This morning on Radio 4's Today programme writer Henry Hitchings discussed his new book on English manners Sorry! The English and Their Manners with the interrupting presenter ('interrupting presenter wh'-'ANSWER THE QUESTION!') John Humphrys. Hitchings pointed out that: “Manners are a social lubricant.” Good manners contribute towards a pleasant atmosphere, they are not a chat up line. Expecting manners to encourage reciprocal manners is reasonable, treating them as though they are finite and therefore should be rewarded with sex is, well it's not polite.
Since women conquered the once mighty door it seems we have become more choosy. We want to decide whether or not we pay for a meal we have been invited to, choose to support ourselves or not and worse pick our own partners. I mean GEEZ ladies what do you want?! It's like you're individual humans or something. Unacceptable!
Squeamish Kate
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