Image: Silecyra As the tragic news of L'Wren Scott's apparent suicide sinks in the media is switching from breaking news mode to eulogy mode, with friends and colleagues invited to air their grief, ideally in very quotable sound bites. We know how the media covers stuff. They have papers to sell, audience figures to up. On some subjects I can forgive a little sensationalism. However a peculiar thing has become apparent with the deaths of Reeva Steenkamp and L'Wren Scott. Being a girlfriend is, according to the media, a job. If you're girlfriend to a celebrity then that is a full time job, a career and clearly how you wish to be remembered. A time will come when we will wander about cemeteries full of headstones engraved 'Girlfriend of'. Who knew all those girls who seek out footballers as partners weren't searching for fame and fortune but anonymity.
It is perhaps simply an amplified version of how social circles work - "You know [insert woman's name here] did something incredibly successful?" "Who?" "[Insert man's name here]'s girlfriend" "oh, yes". It can be an innocent prompt. But it can also be a slight. Why would you know this person independently of their male partner? Why do they only matter to you if you can mentally connect them to someone else? Why do people keep talking to you about people you don't even know, geez?
Now the example I use is a conversation in which a woman who is apparently a little unfamiliar to one person has achieved something that gains a little context once it is clear who she is and how they know her. What has prompted me to use that however is the media portrayal of two women who have died. Now, it doesn't make them any more or less important than other women but they had their own families and their own notable careers independent of their partner. In death, however, they are remembered as Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend/blonde and Mick Jagger's girlfriend/tall.
Now the example I use is a conversation in which a woman who is apparently a little unfamiliar to one person has achieved something that gains a little context once it is clear who she is and how they know her. What has prompted me to use that however is the media portrayal of two women who have died. Now, it doesn't make them any more or less important than other women but they had their own families and their own notable careers independent of their partner. In death, however, they are remembered as Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend/blonde and Mick Jagger's girlfriend/tall.
| The coverage of law school graduate, anti-bullying activist, model and aspiring TV presenter Reeva Steenkamp's violent end focused on her relationship status and figure. The coverage of former model, stylist and designer L'Wren Scott is focusing on 'the moment Mick found out', her debt and her height. | What do we have to do to be recognised for who we are when even in death it's the men in our lives who take precedence? |
It brings to light the values we think women should have. I have written before about how I and other singles are often made to feel failures for not convincing someone to love us, rather than for not settling with just anyone. Should a famous single woman die in tragic circumstances how will we ever remember her?
Jenni Murray wrote in the Daily Mail how Gemma Worrall - she of the Twitter quote "If barraco barner is our president why is he getting involved with Russia, scary." (but who is her boyfriend?!?!?!?) - might gain more by this airing of ignorance than any sage political observation: "I have a feeling it will be Gemma - and all the other beautiful girls like her - who will have the last laugh. They may, as the Yorkshire saying goes, have been at the back of the queue when the brains were handed out, but they'll probably have a far brighter future than young women who model themselves on clever old bluestockings like me."
"With those 14 ditzy words, Gemma achieved what millions of well-informed girls - who could find Ukraine on a map in an instant - have failed to do. And that's to be recognised and rewarded." This girl is not stupid, she is ill informed and trying to draw our attention to her 17 GCSEs and 2 A Levels, but we'd rather laugh at her Tweet. What do we have to do to be recognised for who we are when even in death it's the men in our lives who take precedence?
The most important thing to the media was the relationship status of these dead women. Oh, you want more detail? Well one was blonde and one was tall - can you tell them apart now? Both times the media has chosen to miss the vital opportunity to publicise charities and services for people suffering domestic violence and abuse. Or promoting the Samaritans and how depression is an issue we must confront more. Remember them, demand names, demand recognition.
Squeamish Kate
Jenni Murray wrote in the Daily Mail how Gemma Worrall - she of the Twitter quote "If barraco barner is our president why is he getting involved with Russia, scary." (but who is her boyfriend?!?!?!?) - might gain more by this airing of ignorance than any sage political observation: "I have a feeling it will be Gemma - and all the other beautiful girls like her - who will have the last laugh. They may, as the Yorkshire saying goes, have been at the back of the queue when the brains were handed out, but they'll probably have a far brighter future than young women who model themselves on clever old bluestockings like me."
"With those 14 ditzy words, Gemma achieved what millions of well-informed girls - who could find Ukraine on a map in an instant - have failed to do. And that's to be recognised and rewarded." This girl is not stupid, she is ill informed and trying to draw our attention to her 17 GCSEs and 2 A Levels, but we'd rather laugh at her Tweet. What do we have to do to be recognised for who we are when even in death it's the men in our lives who take precedence?
The most important thing to the media was the relationship status of these dead women. Oh, you want more detail? Well one was blonde and one was tall - can you tell them apart now? Both times the media has chosen to miss the vital opportunity to publicise charities and services for people suffering domestic violence and abuse. Or promoting the Samaritans and how depression is an issue we must confront more. Remember them, demand names, demand recognition.
Squeamish Kate
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