Professor Rouillon, of the University of Franche-Comte in Besancon in eastern France has dedicated 15 years to the study of the bosom with the aid of 330 women and has concluded that "Medically, physiologically, anatomically - breasts gain no benefit from being denied gravity." Guys, this man used a slide rule and callipers in his research, how can he be wrong?
The study found that women who went without a bra had firmer breasts with less sag. The news that a bra might actually cause supporting tissues to become underused and wither away (they use the kinder word 'degrade') is interesting. Not just to those who debate between a crop top and an non-under-wired A cup every day. It's certainly more interesting bra news than the usual exasperated headlines that come up every 3 months or so telling women they are still wearing the wrong sized bra. Women, what is WRONG with you? Why aren't you buying the well fitting 30-quid-and-that's-if-they're-in-the-SALE bras the market is providing for you and stuffing yourselves into cheaper Primark 34D bras and hoping for the best/breast?
Some of the 330 women who took part in the investigation claimed that casting aside their bras actually helped reduce back pain. Professor Rouillon found a 7mm difference in the height of bosoms, with those who eschewed the noble bra winning the war against gravity. This has led the professor to wonder (not that scientists wonder) if some women/bosoms are too bra-dependent: "The decision not to a wear a bra appeals to women in terms of comfort and aesthetics. Contrary to popular belief, the breast does not fall, but tightens and lifts, and the quality of the skin improves."
I remember a very bad joke about a broken-hearted old woman who wishes to kill herself using her dead husband's gun and poetically/romantically wants to die with the fatal bullet lodged in her broken heart. The woman (it's a long joke) asks her doctor during an appointment where her heart is. "Just below the left breast" they answer. Hours later the same old woman is brought in with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
I find it hard to believe a woman with anything above a C cup found a rousing game of badminton anything other than...jarring.
Instead we were shown the concerning images of busty celebrities such as Holly Willoughby and Victoria's Secret models putting the bounce in their bust at risk with highly supportive push up bras and urged to imagine the day their bosom droops and becomes dependent on bras.
For the first 3 months of the bra-free life 42% of the women 'felt discomfort' which either disappeared or they got used to. None reported pain or any difficulty doing sport. I can't find anything regarding the size of these women's bosom, but I find it hard to believe a woman with anything above a C cup found a rousing game of badminton anything other than...jarring.
Rather like every time some discovery or hypothesis regarding the pill comes out about whether or not it is truly beneficial for women this research there's always a peculiar disclaimer at the end of such research, Professor Rouillon urges us all to be aware this is a small study and not to ditch the bras just yet, there is also earlier research based at the University of Portsmouth has found well fitting bras reducing damage to breast tissue.
So women, we can continue to conclude that coffee, red wine and bras might be either necessary or TERRIBLE for your health. As you were...