Squeamish Bikini
  • Home
  • Squeamish Features
  • Squeamish Reviews
  • Squeamish News
  • Squeamish Contact
  • About Squeamish

Bi Yourself

7/8/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
Bisexual? Perhaps you're also polyamorous, or monogamous and with someone of another gender. Maybe you are asexual or misanthropic or promiscuous. Maybe you're not quite sure if you're a 'good enough' bisexual, or if you're not queer enough, or perhaps a little too stereotypical. Sound familiar?

I just got back from Bicon, and as always my mind is buzzing (What's a Bicon? Read this and find out). There must be so many different Bicons. All those different sessions to attend - you could pick a theme and dip in and out; try lots of entirely new things; or just sit around chatting to people and catching up with the friends you might not see for another year.

I've tried a few different approaches to Bicon now (often though not always united by missing the morning sessions because I am mostly incapable of getting up for 9am if I don't have to). And if there's one thing that always seems to happen, it's that I leave with my mind running at 100 miles an hour. I also leave sad to return to the 'real world' - it feels like a space where I can be all of myself without having to self-censor or worry about what anyone will think of me. I'm not going to claim that's the case for every attendee - how could it be? - but I'm lucky to have made good friends and, whether it's in workshops, the bar or on a sofa, get to discuss things that matter to me.

One that stuck with me this year was around the idea of stereotypes and how we present ourselves to the world. The stereotype of bisexuals is that we are greedy, indecisive, promiscuous. 
So it's tempting when talking to people to say: "not all bisexuals are like that! Person X has been with her girlfriend Y for 10 years and they have two kids! Person Z is married and respectable and runs their church choir!" (these are not real examples, I am just worried that if I make up names they will also belong to people who go to Bicon...)

I don't think we help to create that world by pretending that the best bisexuals are those who look the least like the stereotypes. 

But what's wrong with being greedy and promiscuous? Or for that matter with being monogamous and religious?

I have encountered this before in feminist circles. By saying: "not all feminists have hairy legs and don't wear bras! It's ok, we're safe, join us," there's an implicit criticism of those feminists who do do those things. Meanwhile there are other women claiming it's impossible to be a feminist if you wear lipstick or like dresses, as if these choices were more important than beliefs and activism.

I do understand the urge to 'normalise' ourselves - I do not want to tell someone I'm bisexual and have them immediately start quizzing me about my sex life.

But I also want to live in a world that accepts gender variance; where heterosexual monogamy isn't seen as the only (or even best) relationship choice; a world that accepts difference and diversity and realises that not everyone has had the same experiences. And I don't think we help to create that world by pretending that the best bisexuals are those who look the least like the stereotypes.

Maybe that's why I love Bicon so much - there are so many people there who (whether it's just for the weekend or not) are being themselves and in the process modelling every conceivable way of being bisexual. There's no point-scoring (that I've seen), and each year I leave just that tiny bit braver and tiny bit more willing to go and shout about these things.

Squeamish Louise
submit to reddit
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011

    Categories

    All
    Books
    Booze
    Cinematic
    Dress Up
    Educating Sue
    Educating Sue
    Friday 5
    Friday 5
    Geekery
    Gender Agender
    Gender Agender
    Glitter And Twisted
    Glitter And Twisted
    History Repeating
    History Repeating
    How To
    Just A Thought
    Just A Thought
    Let's Get Political
    Let's Get Political
    Music
    Nom Nom Nom
    Nostalgia
    Tellybox
    Why You Should Love

    RSS Feed


Squeamish Bikini

About
Contact us
Write for us

Newsletter

Picture
     Copyright © 2013