I cannot tell you how much I love the Oz stories. I love Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz film, I love Miriam Margolyes's more faithful reading of the Wizard of Oz on the Story Teller cassette tape and book series only my sister and I seem to know about and I love the film sequel (or fauxquel I suppose, as it had nothing to do with the original film other than the adoption of ruby slippers) Return to Oz.

This fondness for the Oz stories began in childhood, which is my quick disclaimer as to why Wicked and Enchanted are not listed under my Oz loves. Unless L. Frank Baum had something to do with the plot I don't want to know. Smoosh the characters Mombi and Princess Langwidere together in Return to Oz all you like – just don't think you know the strange motivations behind the witches and their actions. 

Articles and How-to guides concerning dieting and weight loss always seem to be relevant. In spring it’s all about getting that bikini body in time for summer, come Autumn you’ve got to lose that ice lolly weight for the office Christmas party or no one will snog you by the photocopier. Come January we are supposed to start all over again because the survey says we’re all looking a little Christmas pudding-esque. Guest writer Bridget is fed up with this, and using her nutrition knowledge has put together a guide that, over the next few weeks, will focus simply on being healthy - whatever shape you are. This week Bridget explains the importance of sleep. 

Can I start by saying that I hate 'How To Get Thin' articles. They're on the same list as 'Be His Dream Lover' articles, and 'How To Have It All' articles: the list that people should stop publishing.

Instead I would like to venture an attempt to create a guide for a healthy lifestyle, because so much of food advertising, labelling, and teaching are contrary to what science would recommend, and would make the nutrition lecturers at my alma mater shudder. (Bonus reading: Fat Is A Feminist Issue and The Real Me Is Thin.)

In July we wrote about the General Synod's decision to adjourn the debate on the legislation of women bishops. The votes were counted as 288 for the appointment of women bishops, 144 against and 1 abstentions. Perhaps you're not particularly interested in the fight over who gets to wear what hat. Maybe you think it doesn't apply to you – you're not of the C of E domination, you aren't a church goer. Perhaps you are someone who enjoys discussions about all the evils organised religion has brought on the world. Or you are simply of another faith. Yawn, are we still talking about this? Surely it's just another sign of how behind the times the Church of England is.

But is it? Is the hostility towards women in pointy hats something that belongs in our shameful past (hah) of witch hunts or is it bang on to the present? It isn't necessarily a question of readiness, tradition or scripture (the difficulty with which I will discuss later) but precedent. Consider the apparent lack of consideration for a woman Director General of the BBC. There's no real reason why there shouldn't be one besides the fact it just isn't done. 

Black coffees 2 (but Monday morning so OK), Daily Mail sidebar stories read 4 (necessary), big pants 0 (VG) boyfriends 0 (VG or not VG – a potential lucky escape)

Last week on Woman's Hour Helen Fielding revealed to Jenni Murray that she is writing a new Bridget Jones book. The last time we heard from Ms Jones (in book form) was in 1999 in the second volume of diaries The Edge of Reason. Fielding explained the gap to Murray, saying: “I sort of lost my voice with Bridget for a long time after the unexpected success when it first came out...It was very easy to write and be honest, then I got all self-conscious.”

Recurring rumours since 2001 of a new Bridget Jones film, accompanied by nudging headlines about Renée Zellweger needing to bulk up fast if she is going to play the gargantuan Bridget, will now have slightly more conviction about them. So much easier to make a film based on a book when there is a book. I'm sorry, but I'm just a stickler for tradition like that.  

In a surprise move Nadine Dorries has joined the prestigious cast of the ITV show I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! apparently neglecting to inform the Tory party in her rush to begin the jungle adventures. We can rest easy in the knowledge she did take care of her Twitter account in her absence – her daughter has taken over tweeting duties. So, constituents of Mid-Bedfordshire feel free to breathe that sigh of relief - if the upkeep of social networks is your main concern. David Cameron has suspended Nadine Dorries, saying it was “right thing to do”. As if that matters Dave. Either way Dorries is pocketing around £40, 000. A far better punishment would have been to use your Prime Minister weight to select the people Dorries has to share jungle space with. We've actually begin the selection process for you, here are our jungle companions for Dorries...

Squeamish Sue, our resident mature student, would like to continue her higher education, but her printer has other ideas. There's also the chameleon to consider now and a stranger's entire new outfit to buy. But what has she learnt from all this?

Does anyone know why, when you print something, casually, for leisure, for fun, for the hell of it, printers always work. But then when you print something because you need to read all 98 pages by the following morning, or hand in your first essay of any real importance, printers automatically know you are in a delicate state, and go wrong? I would love to know how that is! It’s not just mere coincidence, it’s a fact in absolute truth. You do nothing different from that which you have always done, habitually, since the invention of electricity even. And yet, suddenly, a network problem develops, the paper jams, and then for good measure, it runs out of ink. So you switch to the back up printer to save your ass and hey, guess what, that too is similarly afflicted, when not 10 minutes previously they were both working perfectly. If anyone knows what phenomenon is responsible, do please tell me.

I seem to be encountering a lot of petitions. I get e-mailed them, they pop up on my social network sites and I can't traverse a pavement without being asked to just very quickly put my name, email address, home address and phone number on a stranger's clipboard. Save badgers, save the NHS, save women's reproductive rights. Ban parabens, ban the bomb, ban Page 3.

Petitions. Do they work? Personal suspicions point to no, but get enough signatures and, while a petition might not succeed in it's stated goal, it can get more people talking about its chosen subject. Getting the Nation talking is not as easy as dull Twitter trending topics might lead you to believe. So X amount of signatures in you can usually attribute a mixed success to your petition, whether that will translate to action is hard to say.

I’m sitting at home listening to the booms of unseen fireworks. This is the time of year for my favourite festivals – Halloween and Bonfire Night. They’re my favourites not just because they feature fire, dressing up and pumpkin pie (although come on, I’ll take those over plum pudding and creepy rabbits any day), but because they have the most tenuous links to religion.

I am not, as you may have guessed, religious. But I do like a good celebration. And I don’t want to talk about religion, as such. I don’t think that religion is the reason our traditions and festivities are where they are. 

Last week I was flicking through the channels looking for something to gawp at while I swallowed Coco Pops whole, when I saw that Richard Madeley was presenting The Wright Stuff. Oh, Richard. How I love his floppy hair, his Romford boy charms. His voice tingles through me like the buzz of an electric toothbrush... Ahem. Apologies. Manly Madeley caught my attention and so, I was exposed to some pretty dire ‘news’ shit that ordinarily, I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole (that’s a lie, I love hyperbolic news stuff, but I don’t read the offending paper so I wouldn’t have seen it. Not a complete lie).

The panel were discussing Dr Ellie Cannon’s piece for the Mail on Sunday, which claimed that Real Women ads normalise obesity. Cannon is a GP, and writing in response to the current M&S campaign which, in a bid to reflect the store’s ‘broad customer base’, has ditched Twiggy and her mates for a gaggle of unknowns sized 8-16. After watching the ten minute slot, where Madeley took the opportunity to express his blatant appreciation for all the women in the advert (how can you not love him?) I went online and read the article. Yowzer.

Yawn. How did you sleep last night? Well, a sleep so deep you were alarmed by your alarm clock this morning? Are you reading this well refreshed and rested? Or did you spend yet another night tossing and turning. The sheets gathering and twisting around your restless legs, you're too hot, you're too cold. How can you possibly sleep with that car alarm/fox barking/birdsong! Then there's that eternal night time question that has long plagued humankind: to pee or not to pee? If you get up now you risk accidentally tricking your body into thinking it's time to get up, or creating some dreaded bladder routine in which you are doomed to always awaken for a 2am trip to the smallest room. Do you even really need to go? No, just relax, go to sleeeeeeeep...no, actually you can't possibly be comfortable with a full bladder and if you aren't comfortable you shan't sleep, best go. It seems a lot of people are having trouble sleeping round here and because we like to be of service to our loyal readers we have shared our tricks to get us to sleep. So don't go dropping off whilst trying to operate that heavy machinery...