No fat chicks? No hernias? I just don't know
Today the Daily Mail is kindly informing Carla Bruni she has been pregnant for too long; The Saturdays’ Una Healy is not showing enough for her pregnancy to be plausible and Beyoncé is so big she must be padding her stomach.
To be a female celebrity is to be closely scrutinised, to be a pregnant celebrity is to hand your body over to the press and blogosphere for intimate inspection and monitoring. Surely it’s enough to make pregnant famous women return to the days of confinement.
Considering women have been getting pregnant and giving birth for thousands of years you would think we’d be more familiar with the passage of pregnancy. But it’s still a bit of a mystery. Celebrity bloggers such as Perez Hilton graffiti ‘ready to pop!’ the moment a star’s pregnancy reaches the football smuggling stage.
To be a female celebrity is to be closely scrutinised, to be a pregnant celebrity is to hand your body over to the press and blogosphere for intimate inspection and monitoring. Surely it’s enough to make pregnant famous women return to the days of confinement.
Considering women have been getting pregnant and giving birth for thousands of years you would think we’d be more familiar with the passage of pregnancy. But it’s still a bit of a mystery. Celebrity bloggers such as Perez Hilton graffiti ‘ready to pop!’ the moment a star’s pregnancy reaches the football smuggling stage.
Come on, maternity wear got over the tent dress in the 1990s and it’s been over a decade since All Saints' Melanie Blatt displayed her bump on stage. Surely enough celebrities have imitated the Demi Moore’s 1991 Vanity Fair cover that we can now all happily say we’ve seen the pregnant stomach from all angles and at all stages and know it varies far too wildly to comment upon.
Apparently not. Beyoncé’s bump has been under suspicion since the big reveal at the MTV VMAs in August. This week everyone is being asked to watch the cloth of her dress wrinkle as she bends down to greet an Australian TV host. OMG that is blates a fake belly!
Just for fun now, let’s say yes, Beyoncé, in some kind of surrogate cover up, is wearing a fake belly. I like to think multi-millionaire power couple Jay-Z and Beyoncé would invest in something more convincing than stuffing a pillow, which is subject to folding, underneath a designer maternity dress. We can only, therefore, conclude the belly is real.
Is this the natural progression of the Media Uterus Watch (MUW)? Stars who dare to breathe out make themselves subject to pregnancy rumours. Now when pregnant star’s bellies do not adhere to MUW’s pregnancy rules they’re subject to surrogacy rumours.
What’s concerning about this new MUW development is that it encourages more people to chip away at the privacy of pregnant women (and, for that matter, those who choose to adopt or use a surrogate). Strangers think it is fine to grab a woman’s pregnant belly, tell her what to eat, what not to drink and WOE BETIDE a woman who doesn’t get her figure back 20 minutes or so after giving birth. Fatty.
Nothing is subject to an expectant mother’s discretion. Cheese, shellfish and alcohol are no longer ‘not recommended’ but BANNED. I am not advocating Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, I am suggesting that (the majority) of pregnant women are able to decide by themselves what’s best for them and their foetus.
So next time you see a pregnant woman with a glass of wine either high five her or mind your own business. That sign on all alcohol labels now? Why, that’s a fat chicks ban. And that’s another battle.
Squeamish Kate – Whose mother was so massive during her pregnancy doctors are still searching for Kate’s twin.
Apparently not. Beyoncé’s bump has been under suspicion since the big reveal at the MTV VMAs in August. This week everyone is being asked to watch the cloth of her dress wrinkle as she bends down to greet an Australian TV host. OMG that is blates a fake belly!
Just for fun now, let’s say yes, Beyoncé, in some kind of surrogate cover up, is wearing a fake belly. I like to think multi-millionaire power couple Jay-Z and Beyoncé would invest in something more convincing than stuffing a pillow, which is subject to folding, underneath a designer maternity dress. We can only, therefore, conclude the belly is real.
Is this the natural progression of the Media Uterus Watch (MUW)? Stars who dare to breathe out make themselves subject to pregnancy rumours. Now when pregnant star’s bellies do not adhere to MUW’s pregnancy rules they’re subject to surrogacy rumours.
What’s concerning about this new MUW development is that it encourages more people to chip away at the privacy of pregnant women (and, for that matter, those who choose to adopt or use a surrogate). Strangers think it is fine to grab a woman’s pregnant belly, tell her what to eat, what not to drink and WOE BETIDE a woman who doesn’t get her figure back 20 minutes or so after giving birth. Fatty.
Nothing is subject to an expectant mother’s discretion. Cheese, shellfish and alcohol are no longer ‘not recommended’ but BANNED. I am not advocating Foetal Alcohol Syndrome, I am suggesting that (the majority) of pregnant women are able to decide by themselves what’s best for them and their foetus.
So next time you see a pregnant woman with a glass of wine either high five her or mind your own business. That sign on all alcohol labels now? Why, that’s a fat chicks ban. And that’s another battle.
Squeamish Kate – Whose mother was so massive during her pregnancy doctors are still searching for Kate’s twin.
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