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Ageing Gratefully

15/7/2014

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When we talk about why we are feminists - or why we are not feminists - we usually throw out buzzwords and terms such as 'equality' or 'birth control' or 'equal pay' or 'bodily autonomy', 'access to education' and 'safety'. But what are we really fighting for - or kicking against? Well according to Tom Junod in the August addition of Esquire magazine feminism's main contribution to women (nay, humanity) is to achieve the unachievable. Sisters, we made 42 attractive: "Conservatives still attack feminism with the absurd notion that it makes its adherents less attractive to men; in truth, it is feminism that has made forty-two-year-old women so desirable." At first glance this might seem unimportant and frivolous, but is it actually quite an important part reaching equality?

We know that the popular opinion is that women wizen and men improve like a fine wine. As Junod says: "Let's face it: There used to be something tragic about even the most beautiful forty-two-year-old woman. With half her life still ahead of her, she was deemed to be at the end of something - namely, everything society valued in her, other than her success as a mother. If she remained sexual, she was either predatory or desperate; if she remained beautiful, what gave her beauty force was the fact of its fading. And if she remained alone... well, then God help her."

But times, apparently, they are a-changing. In the world of heterosexuals to go out with an older man, a man old enough to be your father, is understandable. Perhaps you're shallow and a gold digger, or maybe he's just all the hotter for a few extra laughter lines and distinguished grey hairs around the temples. 

To go out with a women old enough to be your mother though...kinda pervy. Unless of course she has really, I mean really, looked after herself. We're talking Death Becomes Her looked after herself. The 42 year old man is allowed to look 42. The 42 year old woman is not.  
Which is where Junod's suggestion that feminism made 42 desirable slightly falls down. 42 is hot now not because we value experience and visible ageing in a woman, but because Junod notes women try harder for longer. 

Of course there is nothing quintessentially feministabout either allowing yourself to age or fighting the ageing process.

Comparing the 42 year old women of previous generations who "...was expected to voluntarily accept the shackles of biology and convention" - or rather 'give up' or 'let themselves go' thereby giving being 42 and female a bad name, the new 42 year olds "have armored themselves with yoga and Pilates even as they joke about the spectacle."

Of course there is nothing quintessentially feminist (not withstanding lazy feminist stereotyping) about either allowing yourself to age or fighting the ageing process. What's feminist is not having fear or feeling you have to excuse either action. So you want to maintain the body and face you're most familiar with, or you don't. So what. 

Interestingly the celebrity female 42 year olds Junod cites as good examples of why 42 is now worthy of praise, Carla Gugino, Christina Applegate, Jennifer Garner, Maya Rudolph, Cameron Diaz, Sofia Vergara, Leslie Mann, Amy Poehler are all known for their comic turns: "It is no accident that every woman mentioned here has comic as well as carnal appeal, and entices with the promise of lust with laughs."

Perhaps it is not so much their skills at preservation through pilates but their personality that makes these 42 year olds seem more vital and appealing. In which case we have nothing to fear about 42 or any age as long as we keep valuing humour and talent. Which seems pretty progressive. 

However the point is probably that Esquire is still ranking what the best age for a woman is. There's nothing progressive or mature about that. 

Squeamish Kate
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