A Touching Piece

Image: Lewis Wilson

What is it, to be a woman? There are plenty of factors (though not, I believe, the genitalia you were born with) that come together to create womanhood. A lot of them are good and one of them is that to be a woman is to at one point or another wonder if your body happens to protrude out so far that that man couldn't help but brush past it or...did you just get groped? Groping is a tough thing to talk about. Because the honking of a boob or slapping of a butt is often thought of as funny. As is the surprised 'ooh!' reaction it usually receives. As with many sexual assaults the embarrassment and shame is all put upon the victim. 

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This week DJ David Lee-Travis was found guilty of indecent assault. The journalist Camilla Long has gone public about her experience with the DJ, saying: "I don't think there is a part of my body that he didn't grope...He fondled my foot, inched his hands up my thighs, tried to make me sit on his lap and kissed me.

"He copped a feel of my hips when I foolishly asked for a tour of his studio, stroked my chin and my back and gave me a full body hug as I left.

"He didn't worry about getting consent too much, he just did it."

Long had declined to take part in the prosecution of David Lee-Travis. Prompting comments asking why she is talking about it now in The Sunday Times . Of course I can't answer that, perhaps professional reasons. But as stated before, it's hard to talk about groping if you are hoping for sympathy. 

Then there's the issue that part of womanhood today is learnt self-deprecation. If we think we are good (looking) enough to get on in life then many a market collapses. 

often women who report being groped are silently considered...hm, kinda boastful. 

It is in the interest of many that we think ourselves a little too something. Too fat, too thin, too busty, too flat-chested, too hairy etc, etc. A woman who accepts compliments is not being polite, she is an arrogant bitch. 

With this in mind telling someone that a person groped you sounds to the modern woman a little like saying 'my body was so irresistible that a man could not control himself'. It's twisted, it's part of victim-shaming but often women who report being groped are silently considered...hm, kinda boastful.  

But if the groper rather than the gropee risked their reputation maybe we would see/feel a sharp reduction in the casual but deliberate brush against move. Which brings us to 'perv-shaming'. American bartender Laura Ramadei wrote an open letter to a man who apparently touched her "ass" and asked if he could take her "to go". 

Using his receipt details Laura was able to identify and publicly shame this man, Brian. Meaning we could get Brian's reaction to the letter: "I've grabbed plenty of girls' asses in my life, but I've never grabbed hers. I clearly remember making a joke when the girl said, 'What would you like? I kiddingly said, 'I would like you to go with nothing on it."

Maybe now Brian will update his humour...

Squeamish Kate