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A Recipe for Hashtags

28/11/2013

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This week we have been dividing ourselves into teams. Are you #TeamNigella? I note there isn't much of a #TeamSaatchi, even though I wouldn't join it, but I'm not sure I'm #TeamNigella either. I am wary of a woman who tried to casually insert the phrase 'Christmas welcome table' into the English Christmas lexicon,and messes about with perfectly good sprouts. I am #TeamAntiDomesticViolence but that takes up a lot of my 140 Twitter characters and apparently that isn't the focus. Whether or not you like Nigella is. 

This week in a case unrelated to Nigella Lawson and Charles Saatchi's divorce allegations have come out concerning Nigella and her alleged drug use. The TV chef's two former assistants, sisters Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo have been accused of fraud by Saatchi for misappropriating over £300,000 which they spent on designer clothes and plane tickets.

In their defense the Grillo sisters have claimed in court that they had Nigella's permission to use Saatchi's credit cards as they chose in return for keeping her drug use from her husband. In turn Saatchi - who was photographed tweaking his then wife's nose before choking her, has accused Nigella of being too high on drugs to monitor the Grillo's spending, writing in an e-mail read out in court: "Of course now the Grillos will get off on the basis that you were so off your head on drugs you allowed the sisters to spend whatever they liked ... and yes I believe every word they have said."

Charles Saatchi has never been a popular figure. I don't suppose many people could have picked him out of a line up. Plus, y'know, he was photographed being abusive. So it isn't surprising the general public have rallied around Nigella and praised her for her discreet tweet thanking people for their support, tagging #TeamNigella and linking to a recipe. 
Now, I am hesitant to comment on how a woman deals with her abuse, as a public figure Nigella is in a difficult position - as someone who has been in an abusive relationship she is in a difficult position. 

Had she stuck with Saatchi I wonder if there would be a #TeamNigella.

Retreat into the privacy of her home and family and she's a tragic, drug-addled victim of abuse. Stride out in front of the paparazzi, and 'Higella' is flaunting her slimmer-thanks-to-drugs frame and perhaps showing Saatchi just what he's missing as he provides a judge with slurs against his former wife to publicise. 

Every person has their own way of dealing with terrible situations and we should be concentrating on providing them with the tools to do so, tools of self-care and support. No doubt, no shadow of a doubt, those tagging #TeamNigella are offering their sincere and full support. It's a nice show of solidarity for an abuse survivor, it's an interesting demonstration of the currently changing attitudes towards those who have left an abusive relationship. 

Had she stuck with Saatchi I wonder if there would be a #TeamNigella. Or would we be labelling her stupid, or silly? Losing our patience with her - come ON everybody can see this guy you're married to is a monster! 

Rather than use this media frenzy (it's perfect for a tabloid scrum, a buxom, beautiful and age-defying brunette in drugs scandal) to speculate over a vulnerable person's alleged drug use, maybe we should examine our general attitude towards those in abusive relationships. Nigella is a woman who can afford to support herself and who has a platform from which to air (or not air) her beliefs and opinions. And it didn't appear easy for her to walk out of a decade or so long relationship. We should use this to discuss the people who don't have the means to leave. Who we call stupid for staying. Who we don't rally around and side with using team hashtags, commenting on how classy their handling of the situation is. 

The public support of Nigella is pretty interesting. Maybe now we can extend it to others in even less fortunate situations.

Squeamish Kate
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