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A Douchebag for Life

16/3/2014

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You probably heard over the celebrations and publicity of International Women's Day a question: "When's International Men's Day?" Over Pride you will perhaps hear people make the stunning observation that there is no Straight Pride festival. During Black History month the dearth of White History month is questioned. This is because every day is straight pride day, white history reigns the school curriculum and International Men's Day is in November, with no bars stopping you from celebrating it or holding an event and, in spite of the passion displayed when regarding the lack International Men's Day you might be surprised to learn you have missed 13 IMDs. I am guilty of making a sweeping statement but it is often the most conspicuous straight white man on the street who asks such questions and yearns for a festival, a day, a month on which he can fly some kind of flag. They are in crisis mode. Vice Magazine has christened them Douchebags and think they have taken over modern Britain. 

But have they? Is it the habit of the ruling classes to question their status and security? Vice describes these douchebags thusly: "Venture out into the towns and cities of this country this weekend and you'll find it hard to avoid the conclusion that young British men are in the midst of a crisis. A crisis of time and role, of both maturity and masculinity. A crisis that, in their search for purpose, has driven many of them to become completely contradictory lifeforms. The sort of people who wear facemasks to bed but will happily neck a pint of piss for a dare." 

Taking care not to identify these boys and men as 'lads' Vice. They aren't lads because they don't have a posse of mates, they have wingmen. They are disengaged and therefore without a community or sense of belonging. It is a vulnerable position to be in and that's probably why we fear the douchebag, who could kick off at any moment. 
But this is a sad set of circumstances to be in, so is it fair to call them douchebags? Whilst it's no doubt slightly cathartic and every group gets profiled it's not really helpful.

Now it demonstrates that they are on heat and use Veet

Clive Martin of Vice goes on with his description of the Douchebag: "the natural confidence of metrosexuality has been replaced by something far more flagrant. "Designer stubble" has become "alopecia from the neck down"; "open-neck shirts" are now "dick-plunge vests"; "chunky watch" has morphed into "Maori tattoo". Somewhere along the line, male sexuality went from being Jude Law on a scooter to Jodie-Marsh-with-exterior-reproductive-organs. And then everyone turned a shade of peach."

Why the uniform that, with the (possibly cruelly) accurate description by Martin, is recognisable to us all. It isn't the boy style of old, that usually demonstrated either what sport they were into or what type of music they liked. Now it demonstrates that they are on heat and use Veet. 

Is this a reversion to the peacocking male fashion times of old, to Tudor codpieces or cascading Restoration curls or Regency powder wigs? Martin reckons there's definitely something of the [pea]cock here: "It seems to me that, in a kamikaze attempt to assert their masculinity, our young man of today has repackaged himself as an erection in a vest. A walking, preening monument to the British masculinity crisis..."

But why? A recent study at Harvard found that investors were more likely to invest money in ventures pitched to them by good looking males. Whatever, I hear you say (not really), women have been judged on their looks since always. But the Harvard study did not find any difference in success between women. Professionally looking good is evidently increasingly important. 

Martin ventures that it is not however a professional choice so much as the cry for help of an unloved generation no-one wants: "...a significant number of them are looking up to faux-hawked, peacocking, rich maniacs like Mario Balotelli for inspiration, because they really have nowhere else to look. Their bosses hate themselves and their dads hate them."

It is probably not a cry for help but it is a note to educators that if you don't regard yourself particularly highly, you aren't going to value others much better. Do these men/douchebags need an international day to learn to value themselves differently and pick healthier role models to emulate? 

Squeamish Kate
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